Sounds familiar

Almost six years ago, I wrote the post you see here. I know what you're thinking: "He's been pumping out this crap for six years?!"

One man's crap is another man's shinola, or something like that.

The point is I don't like to recycle my posts, but six years later this one is still as relevant as ever.

How do I know? Because in my day job writing about a luxury automotive brand, I find myself using the same exact words I speak about in the post. I'm not proud.

I guess what I'm saying is even though this is a pre-owned article, it's been through a 140-word inspection and reads just like new. Take it out for a test read, and experience it for yourself.

Like a lot of writers living in Southern California, I’ve worked on many car accounts. From top end $90,000 luxury vehicles to $14,000 coffee-grinders, I’ve written it all.

Commercials, collateral, radio spots, print ads, online banners, interactive content, Twitter posts, Facebook posts, outdoor, customer kits, dealer kits, CPO kits, sale kits, employee bonus kits, warranty kits.

Oddly enough, no matter the price or quality of the car, they all have something in common. The words used to describe them.

Pick a car, any car. I bet it’s exhilarating. It’s probably also a leader in innovation. No doubt it’s been engineered to maximize your driving experience, and designed to turn heads as well as corners.

Let’s not forget the fact it’s also loaded with state-of-the-art technology, as well as class-leading aerodynamics whose job it is to keep you connected to the road. How else could you get a car that makes setting the standard, standard.

But there's no point to any of it unless you're around to enjoy it. That's why the car you're thinking about is loaded with the latest active and passive safety features.

The cars come with airbags. The agencies come with windbags.

Differentiating parity products - different brands with the exact same features - has always been a problem in advertising. Often the only thing that does it is the quality of the creative idea, the consistency of the execution and the personality it establishes for the brand.

I bet you know what BMW builds. But I'm fairly sure you aren't nearly as familiar with the tagline Toyota - which builds awesome cars for all income levels - just spent millions to introduce.

Unless there's a real product difference, almost every category from athletic shoes to cars to fast food use the same words to describe their product. Which makes it even harder to tell them apart.

Sort of like ad agencies.

My track record

I think after the last couple years we’ve had it's about time we all had some good news for a change. AmIrite? So here it is: I’ve lost around 15 lbs. in the last few weeks.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “But Jeff, you looked so fabulous to start with - a perfect physical specimen really - you didn’t need to lose any weight.” First of all, thank you for noticing.

Second, let’s remember I wear a lot of black and black is your friend.

And finally, despite how right I’d like to think you are, it’s a numbers game and I know the numbers.

What's the secret to my success? How have I done it? Well, besides cutting down on the food I jam in my piehole at all hours of the day and night, it hasn’t been too difficult. I’ve been using an app called My Fitness Pal to track everything I eat.

Doctors, the people who play them on television and the ones in real life, keep saying 2000 calories is the average for a grown man. So I've arbitrarily set the calories I can take in at 1920 a day. It was a fine year, and it's an even number. Next, I track what I eat religiously. I’m now on the 75th day of my tracking streak. Some days I go over the calorie limit, but it’s just one of the limits I go over on a regular basis.

”No officer, I didn’t see the sign.”

As far as those calories I get to have, I try to make them healthy ones, even if in the loosest sense of the word. Although it’s fine if they’re not entirely healthy as long as they fall in the count.

At least that's what I tell myself. And if we can't fool ourselves...

My Fitness Pal is owned by Under Armor, and has its own online community. Which means my weight fluxuations are probably all over the internet, in the cloud, available to Ukrainian hackers, coding classes and, as I like to think of myself, real athletes.

Anyway, wish me luck and continued success. If it all goes well, you’ll be seeing a lot less of me soon.

And while I'm not able to tell you exactly how many calories are in a black and white cookie from the deli, yet, I can tell you an In-N-Out Double Double protein-style is 520 calories.

Don’t ask how I know.