Flying with your eyes closed

I was at lunch with one old and one new friend yesterday, and one of the topics that came up was the ability to sleep on planes.

Yet another skill I can add to the list of ones I don't have, along with card counting, lion taming and crowd estimating.

It's an eclectic list.

I have nothing but admiration for people who can do it. It must be nice to fall asleep as the plane is taking off in L.A., and open your eyes just as you're landing in New York.

Of course then you don't get to pick out all the hidden nuclear missile silos in the middle of the country (Here's a hint: the big circles with no crops around them).

My wife is blessed, and not just by being married to me. She has the talent, skill and God-given ability to close her eyes and sleep no matter where she is. When we fly places, she's literally out before the plane pulls out of the gate. Me? I keep busy making sure the in-flight entertainment has Comedy Central and I have enough magazines to get me across country.

On some flights, I can manage to get as far as drowsy. But I just can't go all the way. Which reminds me of something my high school girlfriend used to tell me.

Anyway, kudos to those of you who can dream of clouds while your head's in them. I wish I could do it.

If we're ever flying together and I have the window seat, I'll try not to wake you when I have to crawl over you to get to the bathroom.

And if I do, I'll just say you were dreaming.

Guns and roses

There are a lot of advantages to working in an advertising agency, as opposed to, say, having a real job. Especially if you work in the creative department.

Every day is casual Friday.

You don't have to be in at the stroke of 9 (actually if you make it by the stroke of 10 you're doing good).

You get to spend a lot of time making up fun stuff.

And you get a LOT of free magazines.

I've always loved magazines. Whenever I fly, one of the things that's an integral part of the experience for me is the newsstand at the airport. I browse the racks, then stock up with the latest issues of my favorite ones for the flight (insert your own "I knew he had issues" joke here).

Right now I'm working in a very large agency. It has a computer account, two car accounts, a soft drink account, a pet food account and a sports drink account - all accounts that buy a lot of print ads. Because of that, publishers give comp subscriptions to almost anyone who has anything to do with those accounts.

Every day, the mail room lays out all the extra comped magazines on a table for anyone who wants them. If you've been by a newsstand, you've seen the literally hundreds of titles for virtually every interest. That's what the table in the mail room looks like.

But yesterday, this was the one caught my eye. Alliterative, no?

Leave it to the south to combine the genteel charm, beauty and relaxation of gardening with a .357 magnum.

In it there are lots of ads for gardening tools, as well as rifle scopes. And why not? They've got to advertise somewhere. My guess is the gun makers are targeting (see what I did there?) women with these ads. Why pull a weed when you can blow it away. Little sucker's not coming back after that.

I actually don't object to gun ads. I don't even object to guns - more kids die every year from drowning in the bathtub than gunshots. I don't object to bathtubs either.

This may be a subject for another post.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be back in the mailroom, looking around for another magazine. And if I can find the time, maybe I'll even write one of the ads that goes in them.