Everyone has one

I was watching, well, not so much watching as listening, well, not so much listening as tolerating the Today Show which was on while I was getting ready for work this morning.

By the way, getting ready for work consists of repeating, “I’ve got another 15 minutes before I have to get out of bed.” about four or five times after the alarm has gone off. And by alarm, I mean my German Shepherd or whatever the hell Lucy is barking at sunrise.

Anyway, apparently there’s a controversy I was totally unaware of, that was “shaking up the internet” and was important enough to merit time on a national television broadcast.

Today show co-anchor Savannah Guthrie was rattling on about a picture of Victoria Beckham kissing her young daughter on the lips, and the subsequent firestorm of controversy and discussion it started. I imagine the people discussing it are the same brain trust that leaves comments below every article about anything online.

Frankly I’d be more concerned if she was kissing someone else’s kid on the lips. Ah, who’re we kidding here. Actually, I wouldn’t. I have no opinion on the matter. I don’t care.

In the age of photos going viral, and people with too little brains and too much time on their hands having access to technology that transmits their stupidity around the world in a nanosecond, people feel they have to have an opinion about everything, merited or not.

Is Jennifer Aniston pregnant. Madonna’s road rage. Dolly Parton’s secrets. Honey Boo Boo growing up. Jaden Smith. Anything about a Kardashian. I was going to call this post Who Gives A Shit, but after all it is a family blog.

There are too many real issues in the world, especially this year, that people need to reflect on, apply some critical thinking against, get the facts and actually form a well-conisdered opinion about. None of them include watching alleged "journalists" embarrass themselves discussing the way Victoria Beckham innocently, like parents all over the world, like we have, kisses her kid on her birthday.

The worst part is producers of morning shows like Today want it both ways. In one breath, Savannah Guthrie shares our frustration about the insignificance of this story by telling us it's a topic we shouldn’t even be discussing. In the next breath, she's inviting the audience to go online to the Today website and give their opinion in a poll about parents kissing kids on the lips.

I never thought I'd be longing for the days of the Martha Stewart cooking segments, but after all, these are desperate times.

Of course that's just my opinion.

Squirrels love HBO

Two days ago, I get a call from my wife. Nothing unusual about that - we talk frequently. I'd probably talk to her a lot even if we weren't married, although I imagine we'd talk about different things.

I may be getting off topic here.

Anyway, as happens every once in awhile, the internet at the house had gone out. So adopting my best Apple Care/Charter Cable rep voice, I walked her through the reseting everything process that always gets it back up and running.

Well, almost always. Not this time.

Of course, the moment that the internet went down just happened to be the exact moment when she needed it to get some important work done. Joking, she said, "I guess the squirrels have been eating the cable line."

I think you see where this is going.

We called Charter, and scheduled a service call for the next day. When the guy came out, he realized that the problem wasn't in the house, but on the line coming into the house.

Come to find out three other houses on the block lost cable service. The reason? Squirrels eating the cable lines.

Apparently squirrels chomping on basic cable is a common problem that just took a while for us to experience. I know from my German Shepherd going crazy and barking out the window that the squirrels use the power and cable lines in the neighborhood for their personal freeway to get around.

I just didn't know they also used them for dinner.

Anyway, they - the cable company, not the squirrels - had one of the main streets blocked off for about four hours while they replaced the damaged cable and got everybody their Daily Show and Food Channel again.

There's a joke here somewhere about how nuts it is that squirrels would eat cable. It's right there in front of me, but I'm not going for it.

Guess I'm not that cheeky.

3:54 AM

I know what you're thinking. Well, no I don't. I don't know jack right now.

It's 3:54 a.m. and, once again, I am wide awake. And of course, doing exactly what sleep experts tell you not to do: working on an electronic device.

It seems some ultra-blue whammy jammy light from the screen disturbs your sleep patterns. Oh really? Guess what Sherlock - if my sleep patterns weren't already disturbed I wouldn't be up writing this now would I?

This happens to me more and more frequently. For a variety of reasons - or sometimes none at all - I just get up around three and don't go back to bed until about five. Then I have to be up again at 6:30 a.m. to take one of the kids to school, or work, or wherever. I don't even know. By that time I'm so numb and tired I'm lucky I can get where I'm going.

Since every condition has a name thanks to the internet, this one is called Middle-Of-The-Night insomnia, or MOTN. It would've been a more creative name but they were tired. Anyway, the disorder is characterized by waking up in the middle of the night. Just like a fever is characterized by a high temperature, or a headache is characterized by your head hurting.

This doctor stuff isn't so hard.

There's also a school of thought it isn't a sleep disorder at all, but a natural sleep pattern where you return to sleep in about an hour and a half. That makes sense. You need time to recharge from all that sleeping before you can go back and sleep some more.

Anyway, I'm sorry this post isn't funnier, smarter or better written.

Maybe if I wasn't so tired...

Light at the end of the day

I hope you're sitting down. I don't know how to break this to you, but my Jedi instincts tell me the best way is to just come right out and say it: there are a lot of babies and whiners on the internet.

I know, I'm as shocked as you are. Shocked.

If you've been on Facebook or Twitter in the last couple days, like me you've probably noticed an ungodly amount of posts talking about how much people hate daylight savings time. How they just. don't. understand. why we have to change the clocks at all. How they're soooooo tired because they lose one hour in 24 out of one day in 365.

I'd like to promise all of you complaining about it that this is not the worst thing that will ever happen in your life. Trust me.

As you might've guessed, I happen to be a big supporter of DST. And I can't even begin to understand why everyone else isn't. There are so many more reasons to like it than not.

Let's start at the wallet. The fact it's light until almost 9 means electric bills go down. Way down for at least six months. Who's against that? Whiners? Anyone?

Next, the hideous commute I'm up against every night seems to get a little easier, because for some odd reason drivers are able to navigate better when they can actually see the road and what's around them. Body shops don't do as well during DST, but they make it up when we Fall Back.

Finally, and this may just be me, but I seem to have more energy. The longer it's light out, the longer I think it's not time to settle in for the night. I'm out and about longer getting more done. Not just more of what I have to do, but more of what I want to do.

So for all the whiners out there bitching and moaning about switching All The Clocks In The House! ahead and losing your precious hour, I say this with love: just shut up.

You'll get your hour back in November.

Look at it this way. Now that the day's longer, you'll have more time to think of something else to complain about.

Look who got it right

Yesterday General Motors made the overdue decision to pull all paid advertising from Facebook. My question is what took so long? And how long will it be before other companies come to the same conclusion?

As I've said many times, including here, online advertising just doesn't work as advertised.

I'm also a bit glad. Facebook has played fast and loose for so long with its privacy terms - weighing them mostly in their favor - that I can't be sorry they're taking a hit, albeit a small one, financially.

I know it seems like I'm biting the hand that feeds me. Lord knows it isn't the first time and it won't be the last. But the fact is that with so few people actually clicking on internet banner ads, page takeovers and in-app advertising to Learn More, Get Info or Buy Now, it's just not worth the expenditure.

It was only a matter of time before companies wised up. It's just surprising it was GM, not a company known for making prudent financial decisions in the past.

As both advertisers and users grow weary of Facebook and leave, which has already begun, Facebook will have to try to reinvent itself in a way that gives the customers what they want. And what they want, as proven by their total disregard for Facebook ads, is less advertising.

That's not going to help the projected earnings statement promised to investors in this week's IPO.

On the other hand, as a lot of companies head for the exit, it's going to give smaller ones the opportunity they wouldn't have otherwise had to reach whoever is left on Facebook.

Which can only be good news for these guys.