Fade In

Once upon a time, “going to the movies” was an event. You’d meet your friends, smuggle in snacks and debate whether to sit front and center or all the way in the back row. Occasionally there’d be a fight for the aisle seat (my favorite).

Now, the only event is deciding which streaming service hasn’t raised its price this month.

Theaters are hurting. Attendance is down. Popcorn costs more than a car payment. Meanwhile, the audience has evolved into restless, multitasking creatures who can’t watch a movie without checking their phones, Googling the actors, and texting every five minutes.

In case you were wondering if that trailer asking people not to talk, text or post works – spoiler alert - it doesn’t.

The challenge for theaters is why should the audience leave home when their living rooms offer parking, 4K resolution, sweatpants and the pause button?

Netflix, Disney+, Prime, Apple — the new moguls of Hollywood. They don’t release movies anymore. They release content. Mountains of it. Every week brings at least a dozen new titles, and yet somehow you still end up rewatching The Office. Or in my case Breaking Bad.

We spend 40 minutes scrolling, 10 minutes deciding, then fall asleep five minutes in. It’s not movie night anymore. It’s movie roulette.

But here’s the thing: when something really special drops — a Barbie here, an Oppenheimer there — we crawl out of our favorite television-watching chair, put pants on (I mean instead of sweatpants – get your mind out of the gutter), go to the theater and think to ourselves “Cinema is back.”

Theaters aren’t dying quietly. They’re rebranding: reclining chairs, gourmet popcorn, flavored pretzels and cocktails with names like Director’s Cut and Final Edit. Some are becoming mini-cultural centers again — showing indies, hosting filmmaker Q&As, and creating vibes no streaming algorithm can replicate.

When the experience feels like an event again, people show up. Because deep down, in places you don’t want to talk about (name the movie – never mind, I’ll name it: A Few Good Men), we want to sit in the dark with strangers, feel the collective gasp, and hear some guy three rows back say, “Whoa.”

The movie industry isn’t dead. It’s just in another reboot. Streaming and theaters will coexist — like divorced parents who’ve learned to be civil for the kids’ sake. Theaters will handle the big moments. Streaming will handle the everything else, from Oscar bait to background noise while you’re folding laundry.

Hollywood’s been declared dead at least five times — when TV arrived, when VHS hit, when DVDs took over, when streaming began, and when TikTok made people prefer 12-second punchlines to two-hour epics.

And yet the lights always come back on. The projector still hums. Someone still cries in row G.

The reason is simple. Movie always find a sequel.

Yes chef

I haven’t jumped on The Bear bandwagon. Truth is I’m driving it. And the reason is simple: this isn’t bragging, but merely a statement of fact: I saw it first.

I’d read about it in one of my many showbiz magazines (yes I still get magazines-they make excellent reading in the “library”), and thought it looked interesting. Another plus was it also looked like a fine opportunity to bank some marriage points what with it being a show about a restaurant and cooking. I figured the wife would enjoy it, since she's a trained chef herself and has had the rare honor of cooking at the James Beard House.

Yeah, we eat well around here. Have you seen my 32-inch waist? It was here just a minute ago.

Anyway, The Bear - streaming on Hulu - is the story of a world-class chef, Carmen, Carmy for short, played by Jeremy Allen White. He inherits a Chicago sandwich shop after his brother Michael commits suicide, and comes back to run it, eventually turning it into a fine dining restaurant.

The place is filled with brilliant actors each playing a character that is compelling, flawed, funny, heartbreaking, joyous and relatable as it gets.

His “cousin” Ritchie (Ebon Moss-Bachrach). His partner Sydney (Ayo Edebiri). Pastry chef Marcus (Lionel Boyce). Tina (Liza Colón-Zayas), who’s been working there forever. Fak (Matty Matheson, actually a chef in real life), who plays the handyman/fixit guy. Gary (Corey Hendrix) and Ebraheim (Edwin Lee Gibson). There’s also Carmy’s sister Natalie (nicknamed Sugar) played by Abby Elliott, Chris Elliott’s daughter and Bob Elliott’s granddaughter. Comedy pedigree much?

And last but most definitely not least, Uncle Jimmy, played by one of my all time favorites Oliver Platt, who as I’m certain you recall, I wrote about here eight years ago.

From the first frame of the first episode of the first season, The Bear was magnificent. It immediately catapults you right into the insanity of a restaurant kitchen. But for as great as the first season was, the current second season is even better. In it we get the backstories to all the characters, taking them out of the kitchen and bringing us into their real lives. The more we learn, the more we come to love them.

Not going to give anything away, but I challenge you to find better written, acted, directed and moving television anywhere than guest star-packed episodes six (as intense as it gets) and seven (absolutely heartbreaking, ultimately joyous) of season two.

The show and cast are deservedly nominated for a slew of Emmy’s. I hope they take them all.

Enjoy it over and over-surprise!- like I do.

And make sure you’re not interrupted when you’re watching. After all, every second counts.

Streaming service

Trust me, this isn’t one you’ll want to watch.

If you take a quick cruise through any tech store or online site, there are a plethora of consumer-ready technologies designed to make life more convenient and productive. And all of it is produced with the best intentions. But like me trying to do home repairs, some things are best left to the professionals.

Case in point is this little device that would never have been invented had there not been an anxious world and grateful nation clamoring for it. The U-Scan. It's a miniaturized health lab that attaches to your toilet bowl and collects urine for home urine screening.

So how do you know if urine need of it?

Well if you’d prefer to be spared the indignity of peeing in a cup at your doctor’s office—something I personally always enjoy for both target practice and hand-eye coordination—you’ll probably be one of the first in line for this smart device. Of course as I write this I have to ask myself how smart it can really be sitting in a toilet all day.

But then I freelanced at Jordan McGrath so who am I to judge.

The U-Scan can run a variety of different test results and analysis for things like specific gravity (as opposed to unspecified gravity), PH, vitamin C and keytone levels. It also provides ideal hydration levels and protein-vegetable balance.

Although I imagine if you’ve had asparagus lately the results are going to be wildly skewed.

The point is I like showing off things I can do remotely with my smartphone like turning on the lights, setting my alarm system, starting my car, switching on the DVR remotely. But do I really need it to show me how my pee is doing on any given day? No. No I do not.

Anyway if you have an inkling, or in this case a tinkling, that this is going to be something you just have to have, urine luck. The U-Scan will be on sale in the US soon pending FDA approval.

And don't worry if some people feel they have to judge and shame you for it.

You can always just tell them to piss off.