The opening monologue

If you’re anything like me—and really, there are far better, although not more handsome, role models—you’ve also watched Saturday Night Live for years. And in all that time, two things remain steadfastly true.

First is that the monologue and Weekend Update are the best parts of the show. And second, everything after Update is a comedy wasteland.

I have a few favorite monologues done by some people who I wouldn’t have thought I’d find myself liking. And because I’m a giver despite being an only child, I wanted to share them with you because we all need a good laugh right about now, amIrite?

I’ve never been a big Justin Timberlake fan, but I have to say he was pitch perfect in his monologue about how he wasn’t going to sing. You can literally feel the reaction of the girl he sings to in the audience. A little trivia: John Mulaney and Seth Meyers won an Emmy for the lyrics and the song.

A Swifty I’m not, but Taylor Swift cracked me up with her innocent sweetness as she delivers this razor-sharp take down of boys who’ve done her wrong.

SNL alumni Adam Sandler not only has a few surprise guests during his opening, but sings a great song about getting fired from the show and how it worked out for him.

For my money, the monologue is always better when a comedian is hosting. John Mulaney was a writer on SNL for years, and is now one of the premier stand-ups in the country. Here’s a little sample of the reason why.

Zach Galificanakis has his weirdness and Steven Wright one-liners on full display during his SNL stint. And he plays piano, so who says there are no surprises left?

Direct deposit

Not long ago, I was freelancing at this agency that had a national car account, and wasn't too far from the beach. Which describes almost all of the agencies I freelance at.

But at this particular one, they had a little service they offered freelancers that others didn't. One that made my life easier. Ask anyone that knows me - I'm all about easy.

As far as I was concerned, this service was pure magic both in its concept as well as execution.

I speak of the freelancer's little helper, Direct Deposit.

Being a little compulsive, and always liking to keep a close eye on my money, for years I'd get a paycheck then make a mad dash to get to the bank before closing time and deposit it. But not anymore.

Now, I sign up whenever and wherever I can. Magically, my money appears in my account a day before payday. I can see it online. I can write checks against it. I can talk to it late at night, tell it my hopes, my dreams, my fears.

I might be getting off topic here.

The point is I used to be afraid of giant corporations being able to get their big corrupt hands on my bank account, and now I'm not. That's true for a lot of things in my life. Flying. Sushi. Adam Sandler movies.

Alright, I'm still afraid of Adam Sandler movies.

If you have the opportunity to get Direct Deposit where you work, I strongly suggest you do. It's nice when your company makes money appear in your account.

Of course, it'd be better if they could do it as fast as I make it disappear.

Guilty pleasures Part 3: The Master Of Disguise

Try to keep the groaning down. I can hear it from here.

Unlike guilty pleasures 1 (Final Destination 5) or even 2 (The Three Stooges), I'm certain I'm going to take a certain amount of ridicule for this third entry in the series. You can't change my mind. Have at it.

I'll say straight off the bat that The Master of Disguise isn't a good film (which has never been a requirement for a guilty pleasure), but it is an entertaining one.

In the ugly realm of kids films parents are forced to endure, when both of mine were younger we used to watch TMOD over and over and over. It wore out it's welcome fast, especially since my kids would repeat lines from the film. Over and over and over.

But watching it recently after not seeing it for a very long time, I found myself laughing out loud at Dana Carvey (for the right reasons). He plays a character named Pistachio - stay with me - and he just commits to it. I've always respected people who put themselves out there - consequences be damned.

Except Adam Sandler. Enough already.

See if you can keep a straight face during his (bad) Al Pacino in Scarface impression and the "...stuck in my esophagus" or "...little weiner and some tiny nuts" lines:

Alright, so maybe that clip went on a little too long and I should've warned you about the dancing over the credits at the end of it.

To make it up to you, please to enjoy this clip of Dana Carvey as Robert Shaw - Quint - from Jaws:

Yeah, yeah, I know. What can I say?

I have enough mindless drama in real life. Sometimes I just want some mindless comedy.