Poster child

A couple days ago, my screenwriter friend Cameron Young put up a Facebook post about a great tagline he'd seen for CrossFit training (the line was "It's awful").

Since Cameron writes movies, it got me thinking about the delicate art of movie tag lines. The ones you see on one-sheets that sum up the essence of the picture in a few well-chosen words. Having worked at an entertainment agency where I had to do just that, I appreciate how difficult it really is.

One I wrote that I liked was for the Nic Cage movie Snake Eyes that took place in Atlantic City. The line was "All bets are off." It's not the line they finally went with. What're you gonna do?

Anyway, I know whenever anyone opens the discussion of movie posters, the one for the original Alien showing the egg with the line "In space no one can hear you scream." is always a top contender. No argument here, it's definitely one of the greats. Yet for me, it's the equivalent of hearing a joke, and instead of laughing, nodding my head and saying, "Oh, that's very funny." I appreciate the cleverness and eeriness of it, but it just doesn't get me on a gut level like some others do.

I usually find myself gravitating to the funny, punny and plain stupid. So here are a few lines I had a laugh out loud reaction to (as I did the CrossFit line).

I'd also like to know which movie poster lines you, dear reader, think are funny, clever or just get to you in some way. Leave them in the comments, and I'll do another post with the ones that get the most votes.

For me, funny lines make me feel good. Which makes me feel good about the movie. Then the movie makes me feel good. It's the marketing circle of life.

School's out

So remember my post about getting a speeding ticket? In it, I said it was my comeuppance for all the times I was speeding and didn't get caught. I was going to pay the fine and go traffic school and that would be it.

That was before I got a letter from the court saying the fine was $360 - before the additional traffic school fees. For those of you keeping count, that's $22.50 for every mile over (you do the math).

There's paying the ticket then there's surrendering to state-sponsored extortion in the form of outrageously exorbitant traffic fines for only 16mph over the speed limit (there, I did the math for you).

After getting the letter, I immediately went online to see how I could fight the ticket. What I found was no shortage of websites specializing in helping beat the ticket. These sites, like the dog-walking companies I've posted about, have names that try a little too hard to convey exactly what it is they do.

The problem with almost all of them is that they charge more than the fine to make the ticket go away. And there's no actual guarantee they'll be able to do it.

But after a little further research, I found what I was looking for. And I found it, of all places, in a forum on the Southern California Subaru Impreza Club site.

Buried deep in the small print on the back of the citation is something called Request For Trial by Written Declaration. Basically I go to the courthouse, post the fine as bail, then get a form to fill out and make my case. Then I send it back into the court. When I request a TWD, that means the officer who wrote me up now has to write up his side of the story and submit it to the court as well. Neither of us have to appear.

There are two great things about that. First, when an officer comes to court to testify against you, he gets paid between $200-$300 extra. When he has to respond to a TWD request, he doesn't get paid anything extra. And since the last thing any officer wants is more paperwork, a high percentage of times they just blow it off entirely.

Second, it's writing. And not to sound like it's gonna sound, I'm pretty good at it.

If the judge decides in my favor, the case is dismissed and my fine/bail is refunded with 60 days.

Here's the great part: if it doesn't go my way, within 20 days of receiving the decision I can request a courtroom trial where I can plead not guilty, or request traffic school. If I don't like his decision, I can have another go at it to make it come out the way I want.

It's the very definition of a win-win.

So yesterday, I went downtown, posted the bail and got the form. I waited in a long, long, long line for the traffic court window. I couldn't help but feel out of place due my obvious lack of tattoos and passable grasp of the English language (on both sides of the counter).

On the Subaru site are examples of successfully written TWD's. I'll use one of those, edit them with the facts of my case, clean up the writing a bit and send it on in.

And I'll do it the only way I know how. Fast.