Showing posts with label body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label body. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Two heads are better than one

Heart and lung transplants? So yesterday. Hand and feet transplants? Child's play. Post-chimpanzee attack face transplants? You're getting warmer. In fact, according to an Italian neuroscientist it's almost here.

Head transplants.

I'm not going to go into too much detail. What with spine-severing, blood-draining and tissue-fusing it gets a little...squishy. Feel free to read about it here.

When you're done reading, think about the obvious potential health applications. For example, taking someone's head off their cancer-ridden body and putting it on a healthy one.

But while that may be the most obvious and intended one, I'm thinking there are also other possibilities that could be even more lucrative. I mean, sure it'll benefit society once the cost for the procedure comes down, but I see uses for it that will turn it into a case study volume business.

Like that losing weight New Year's resolution I've had every January since I was 11 years old? Screw that work. I'll just have my head put on the 6'2", ripped body like the one I'll never have if I exercise from now until doomsday. Or maybe I'll try out for the Kings. I can't ice skate, but now I don't have to because my new body will.

I think this transplant technology is just the beginning. There are other applications I can think of to improve the quality of my life. But this is, after all, a family blog.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Dig it

There are some days when I think to myself I could be putting my time to better use. Like the ones when I’m just vegging out on the couch, watching Source Code for the thousandth time on cable and doing my impression of a vacuum cleaner slamming Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies down my throat.

But then I think at least I’m not out digging a hole looking for Jimmy Hoffa.

I don’t actually think that, but I could.

Once again, the FBI has a tip about where the body of the former union leader may be buried in Detroit. And once again, they’re breaking out the backhoes, shovels and forensic kits and going looking for him.

I think we know how this expedition ends.

This time it’s thanks to a tip from a former mob underboss named Tony Zerilli. He was the second in command of the Detroit mafia when Hoffa disappeared. While he doesn’t have direct involvement in the crime since he was in jail the day Hoffa disappeared, he alleges he found out the location of his body once he got out of prison.

By the way, Zerilli is 85-years old now. I'm not in the FBI, but if I were I'd have a lot of questions about how reliable his memory is.

The other question is who gains and who loses in the search? The FBI does both. Their inability to solve the Hoffa matter has been an embarrassment to them for over forty years - that’s why they keep trying. If they find his remains, their perseverance and skills are rewarded. If it turns out to be like Geraldo and The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vaults, they lose. Again.

At this point, no one else besides them and whoever is left in Hoffa's family really cares. The chances are just as good Hoffa was tossed in an incinerator and there’s not even a body to find.

Still, it makes for good folklore and so-so movies with Jack Nicolson.