Cleared for takeoff

I've scribbled here before about fundraising auctions at my kids' high school. In fact, because they were so impressively written and made such an indelible impression, you probably recall those posts about the south central L.A.P.D. ride-a-longs I won in previous auctions.

If for some odd reason your memory fails you, now might be a good time to refresh it by reading this post. Or this one. Maybe this one. Who could forget this one? Some think this one was the best. I think this one was one of my finest. And of course, this one is a classic.

I think that's enough self-promoting for one post. Let's get on with it

Last night was this year's auction for the school. Since my kid's are in college and I don't have a horse in the race anymore, I find myself not having to go to their former high school events much. But my wife does work at the school, and she likes to show me off for the trophy husband I am. Plus the auction is an event I've always liked. So we went.

There are two parts to the evening. One is after dinner, where bidders raise their assigned I.D. numbers to bid on items the auctioneer is calling. But before that is the silent auction, where you add your bid to a list for a particular item. When that auction closes, the highest bid wins.

I see it. I guess the highest bid wins in every auction.

Sadly, there were no police ride-a-longs to win this year. However, there was a 90-minute experience in a 737 flight simulator which I wanted. And when I want something bad enough, I usually figure out a way to get it. I'm like the MacGyver of school auctions.

Anyway, the way I did it this time, and every time before, was by sniping. Since it was a silent auction item, I hovered around the list of bids until about thirty seconds before the auction closed. Then, at the last second, right before pens down, I wrote my number and bid on the list—$20 higher than the last bid.

BAM! Auction closed, and I'm on my way to pretend flying a 737 somewhere in Anaheim.

It's part of my Fly But Don't Get My License tour. Years ago, I took helicopter lessons. I have about 30 hours of airtime, but never completed getting my pilot's license. It's a long story. You can read about it here.

Ok, I snuck in one more self-promoting link. So sue me.

I'll be scheduling my 737 flight later in the week. I even get to take a couple people with me. Play your cards right, and maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones to join Captain Jeff on my flight to nowhere.

I can't guarantee it'll be a smooth one, but I can promise even though it's simulated it'll still be a lot better than United.

Going going gone

Tonight I did something I only do once a year.

No, not write copy someone wants to read. Or eat something healthy.

I went to a fundraising auction for my kids' school. Every year, the decision is made despite the exorbitant tuition we pay for both of our well educated kids, more is needed.

It's adjacent to a theory I live and shop by: if one is good, two is better.

Anyway, what I noticed between the weekends in Mammoth, the day on the 42-ft. yacht, and the four days at the Grand Hyatt in Kauai that were all being auctioned off, was the ringmaster of the entire event.

The auctioneer. It seems to me auctioneering is right on par with fountain pen repair and diamond-cutting when it comes to lost arts.

The gentleman tonight made me realize it requires more than just fast talk. Auctioneers have to be comedians, mathematicians, athletes and salesmen all at the same time. They also have to have a radio-quality voice and know how to use it.

I didn't bid on anything tonight, although I did contribute $500 to a Fund Needed portion of the show. I hope those elementary school kids stop picking their nose long enough to email me a thank you note for the wireless antennas I bought for their classrooms.

Anyway, for me, the highlight of the evening was watching and listening to the auctioneer, practicing the art he's mastered. There's just something spellbinding about watching someone who knows exactly what they're doing.

In advertising we don't get nearly enough of that.

Signing my life away

So remember the post about how I'd won a bid at auction for an LAPD ride-along? Well apparently the day is coming closer.

I thought I had until September to choose when I wanted to play cops and robbers (and gang members, and drug dealers....), but apparently the LAPD has a different timetable. Seems they want me to join them sometime in May. The date is still up to me, but just to expedite my decision making, I received the release I'll have to sign in order to do it.

Suddenly the term "signing my life away" has taken on a much more literal meaning. Ditto for the phrase "riding shotgun."

I've been thinking of this as a big adventure, which it will be. And while I've always known there's danger - or the potential of danger - involved, somehow I've managed to wish that thought out to the cornfield and just focus on the fact I get to ride around in a cop car for a few hours (it's the most focused I've been in years).

I'm thinking Tuesday, May 17th would be a good choice. My ride is supposed to be from 6:30 p.m. until 1:30 a.m., and it's going to be a full moon that night.

All sorts of crazy comes out on a full moon. We'll see what they think about that.

Meanwhile, I'd like my attorneys to start reviewing this release and find some loopholes.

Just in case they find me with some bulletholes.