Take a beat

As yet another unintended consequence of technology taking over our lives, there's now a new experience for every driver on the road to look forward to.

The beat.

That moment, seemingly frozen in time, when the asshat in front of you is so deeply involved in their texting that they don't realize the light's turned green.

Whenever it happens - and it happens on a daily basis - the ball's in your court. Do you sit on the horn the second the light changes? What's the new etiquette? How long should you wait before letting them know you'd like to get where you're going before Social Security kicks in?

I think the right answer is only as long as it takes to realize what they're doing. On the horn-honking equivalency chart, texting equals fifty putting-your-make up ons, twenty-five changing the radio stations, fifteen eating in the cars and thirty-seven reading somethings.

Texting is by far the most egregious offense. So honk away Merrill (Signs movie reference. Now you know).

This isn't the first time I've posted about texting and driving. That was here. And it probably won't be the last. But it never ceases to amaze me how oblivious drivers can be. In the military, awareness of the environment around you is called situational awareness. When someone's texting at a red light, it isn't called anything because it doesn't exist.

Of course, just as icing on the texting cake, once they realize the light is green thanks to your horn rightfully blaring at them, they usually give you a hearty and friendly wave as their way of saying "thanks conscientious driver behind me for bringing to my attention the fact I was being selfish and rude by texting and thereby being inconsiderate of every other driver's time, also possibly endangering them by my lack of attention to the road. I'll try to do better."

Nah, I'm just funnin' ya. They usually return the favor with a one-finger salute, or by speeding away as if it'll reverse the time space continuum and make up for the extra time you had to sit at the light.

Which is ridiculous, because only Superman can reverse time by flying counter clockwise around the Earth. True fact. Look it up.

If you feel you have to text while behind the wheel, just don't.

Remember, beat is just three letters away from beating.

Waiting

I'm in a bad way this evening.

I'm waiting on some inevitable news about my friend Paul, who just went into hospice care 1200 miles from where I am. Obviously the news when it comes will not be good, except in the sense that Paul will begin the next part of his journey free from the pain and suffering he's had to endure.

So tonight, no funny lines, snappy endings or snarky comments.

Just prayers and love for someone who has meant the world to me for over 35 years. Someone I'm sure you'll know more about soon.

I know you don't know my friend. But send him your best thoughts and prayers anyway.

He could use them tonight.

The laws of freelance

In the same way there are laws of nature (gravity, motion, slow drivers when I'm in a hurry), there are also laws of freelance.

The most inevitable one is when it rains it pours.

In the past week, I've had no less than four inquiries about my availability - two directly from clients, and two from agencies.

That's the good news.

The bad news is all four are asking if I'm available to start working the first week in June. I know, it's a champagne problem to have.

But as nice as it is, another law of freelance is the gig ain't there until it's there. On the long list of things I can count on, like my kid's asking me for money, I know for a fact at least three of these jobs - or all of them - will not happen. Why? Well for one thing, asking about availability is not the same thing as being booked.

Jobs get pushed back all the time for a million reasons. It needs more research. The direction changes. The release date changes. The product changes. The need for freelancers changes. Any number of things can wish a job out to the cornfield.

So the only thing I can do is deal with what's on my plate at the moment for that first week of June, and say yes to all four. Because until someone books me, I'm available.

And if I'm not available when the job actually happens, then they'll either wait for me (yes, it's happened), or they'll move on to the next name on the list (happens all the time).

What I always hope is if I'm not available when someone calls, they at least ask me for the name of a writer they can call. I like being able to refer my friends and hopefully return some of the goodwill I've received many, many times over from my copywriting pals.

Now the waiting begins to see who, if any of them, get back to me.

In the meantime, if you want to have lunch or see a movie, guess what? I'm available.

The waiting is the hardest part

This is a book my therapist wrote a few years ago. I know what you're thinking: Jeff seems so well-adjusted I can't understand why he sees a therapist.

You have no idea.

Anyway, you can probably tell from the title it deals with why we can't always do what we want when we want to do it.

Or when other people want us to.

The gist of it is, no matter how good your intentions, nothing happens until you're ready.

If you've ever tried to quit smoking, lose weight, write a screenplay, ask someone out, clean the garage or whatever, despite the necessity of the task, you won't be able to complete or even start it until you're ready.

The Supremes said it best. You can't hurry love, you just have to wait.

The good news is when you least expect it, suddenly you'll find yourself doing the thing you've been meaning to do. Or well intentioned friends have been wanting you to do.

And you'll succeed because you're ready.

This shouldn't be confused for an excuse not to do anything. After all people, show a little initiative.

When you're ready.