Podcast news

If you’re anything like me—and if you are you really need to set your sights higher—you’re always on the lookout for new ways to entertain yourself. I was like that before the covid, and my search has only intensified since.

Since the lockdown or stay at home or isolating ourselves or whatever this Twilight Zone time we’re living in began, like everyone else I’ve done more than my share of Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime Video, Disney+ and AppleTV viewing.

In fact, I’ve been streaming so much my urologist has me on speed dial! BAM! Thanks so much, I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitress. You’ve been a great crowd.

Anyway, having blown through The Crown, The Morning Show, The Queen's Gambit, Jeffrey Epstein Filthy Rich, Servant, The Hunters, Broadchurch, Dead To Me, Ted Lasso, For All Mankind, The Vow, The Last Dance, Defending Jacob, The Rookie, several Dave Chappelle specials, Jim Gaffigan specials, John Mulaney specials, Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You (surprise!), Breaking Bad (binge 14 if you’re keeping count), American Murder, The Great British Baking Show and several others I can’t even remember, I decided it was time to look for other forms of amusement since covid doesn’t look like it’s wrapping anytime soon.

There was a joke going around last year that if you didn’t start a podcast in 2020 you were never going to start one. I was thinking about that, and thought I’d look and see how I could expand my podcast repertoire.

I sampled a lot of them, and listen to two of them regularly.

First is Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me (WWDTM), the NPR game show that has three different panelists each week, usually comedians or comedy writers, answering questions about current events and playing the game with callers. It’s extremely funny, timely and always enjoyable.

The other one is The Al Franken Podcast. Former comedian and senator, Franken has guests from both the worlds of entertainment and politics, and reminds me every Sunday what a brilliant mind and champion for justice the senate lost.

If you want proof, just listen to the episode of the questions he would’ve asked Amy Coney Barrett had he been at the confirmation hearings.

But my latest podcast binge—because apparently that’s the only way I know how to listen or watch anything—is Smartless.

Here’s the drill: each week, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Will Arnett get together and insult each other. Also, one of them brings along a guest the other two don’t know about, and hilarity ensues. It is a seriously funny, laugh out loud, good time.

So far I’ve listened to the episodes with Bryan Cranston, Martin Short, Sarah Silverman, James Corden, Conan O’Brien, Ron Howard, Kamala Harris, Reese Witherspoon and Ricky Gervais. I’m about to start the one with Stacy Abrams.

I cannot recommend this podcast enough. Give it a listen, thank me later.

If I’m being honest, and of course no one’s under oath here, I was also thinking about starting a podcast of my own. I wouldn’t want to do it by myself though, especially since Smartless has shown me the many benefits and humorous possibilities of having partners to play off of.

Maybe I’ll see if can cajole my pal Rich Siegel over at Round Seventeen to do one with me.

Instead of Smartless, we could call it Smartass.

Have a blast off

If you've been following this blog for any length of time, and if you have perhaps you should use the Google to find better ways to kill time during the pandemic, you probably already know I have a somewhat compulsive side to my otherwise sparkling personality.

Breaking Bad. Bruce Springsteen. Sourdough bread. Las Vegas (in the before times).

One other quasi-obsession I have that I don't blog about much is space movies. Specifically ones about the golden age of the space race: the Gemini, Mercury and Apollo programs. There's been a lot of great movies about them: Apollo 13. First Man. The Right Stuff.

Going to change the subject for a sec, but I'll thread the needle on the back end. Here's the thing: we have way too many streaming services. The house is lousy with them: Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime. Disney +. So when Apple TV+ rode into town, I wasn't itchin' to sign up and pay yet another monthly fee.

But as they say in the ad biz, nothing beats free. And come to find out that's exactly what Apple TV+ is. Seems they have a promotion going on for a free year's subscription within 90 days of purchasing any Apple device. Like, say, the wife's new MacBook Air.

Truth be told, the original shows on Apple TV+ haven't been getting what you'd call rave reviews. But the one that, predictably, caught my attention was For All Mankind.

Space? Astronauts? 10 hours? Apollo program? I'm in.

So for the past couple of days I've been bingeing it. I know, I'm as shocked as you are. And I"m here to tell ya it's really, seriously great. The premise is simple: what if the Russians had beat us to the moon, and the space race never stopped? It's alternative history fiction built around the space program.

And for all my show biz pals at the studios, listen up. It's also made me decide that, more than anything, I want to have a bit part in a space movie.

I want to be one of the engineers wearing a short sleeve, white shirt, skinny tie and thick frame glasses sitting at one of the rows of those bulky, green, Mission Control computers.

And I'm not looking for a showy, star turn. In fact the only thing I want to say is one line. During the obligatory pre-launch checklist scene, when it's my turn I want to bark out: "It's a go."

Start to finish, like the best series, it's a rollercoaster ride with unexpected twists and turns, surprising revisionist history and characters you can't help care about. It's making you cry and cheer one minute, gutting you the next.

So I'll be counting down until next season launches, and I'm sure I'll happily binge it a few more times before then.

My advice to you? Don't screw the pooch by missing it. Watch and enjoy.

Godspeed.

Guilty Pleasures Part 11: Paddington 2

Okay, okay, okay. Before you start in on me, let me explain.

It's been awhile since I've done a post to my wildly popular, highly quotable and often referenced Guilty Pleasures series. I'm sure you all remember Guilty Pleasures 1 through 10, including such overlooked, underrated and attention-starved films such as the Final Destination movies, Breakdown, The Faculty, Carrie, Devil's Advocate and the ever popular Three Stooges.

Now in a normal world, which I think you'll agree it hasn't been since January 20, 2017, you couldn't drag me into a theater to see Paddington 2. Not that I have anything in particular against animated, British-accented, marmalade-loving bears. It's just not my wheelhouse.

So it begs the question: why did I see it?

Because my film major son recommended it. Highly. I figured okay, I'll check out exactly why I'm paying thousands of dollars for his sensibilities and cinematic taste to be corrupted to the point of him liking Paddington 2.

My review: it was outstanding. And as you can see by the Rotten Tomatoes score below, I'm not the only one who feels that way.

The animation is as beautiful as anything you'll see this year, especially Paddington's trip through the pop-up book which is central to the plot of the movie. Hugh Grant is wonderful and a revelation in ways he hasn't been before. Funny, loose and clearly enjoying himself more than he has in years, his physical comedy and timing are nothing short of masterful. There's a genuine depth and emotion to all the characters, animated or not, and their family feels like yours by the end of the movie.

The unexpected part, besides the fact I forked over ten bucks to see it, is how emotional it gets-not with manufactured, manipulated feelings but with genuine empathy for the characters.

Like the best of Disney's animated movies—The Lion King, Beauty & The Beast or Little Mermaid—I found myself with a tear on deck for a couple things that happen towards the end of the film. With eyes welling up, I was forced to quickly reach for the incredibly thin napkins I got with the $15 dollar hot dog and medium drink combination.

Sally Hawkins plays a lead role in Paddington 2. If you saw her outstanding performance in this year's The Shape Of Water, you'll appreciate a scene at the end of Paddington 2 (one of the emotional ones) that's sort of an unintentional inside joke referencing that other film.

Before the movie, there were five trailers for other animated films that all looked like crap. Chaos, fart jokes, stupid one-liners and characters you couldn't care less about.

A lot like my high school graduating class.

Anyway, if you're in the mood for an entertaining couple of hours, do what I did. Get over yourself, put away the attitude and get ready to have some good laughs and a good cry at Paddington 2.

And don't worry if you haven't seen the first Paddington. You won't have any trouble following along.

Due due

This is going to be a bitch and moan post. It'll be a big cup of whine, with a "do you hear the violins?" chaser.

You can't say you haven't been warned. So here we go.

Sure the freelance life looks pretty glamorous from the outside, but it's actually all knuckles and know-how.

Especially when it comes to getting paid.

Regardless of what you think from reading this blog - and don't lie to me - I'm actually pretty good at this writing thing.

I'm especially good at writing invoices. I do the work, then BAM! I Quick Draw McGraw an invoice faster than you can say "payable in 60 days."

Usually when I work for an agency as a temporary employee, as I do at most places (let's have a moment of silence for the endangered 1099), I'm on their employee pay schedule, which is usually twice a month. Occasionally, once a week. By the way, nothing but love for those shops.

But on the rare occasion when I'm 1099'd, I find the payment schedule is somewhat, what's the word, erratic.

The longest I ever had to wait to get paid was four and a half months. I won't name names - Disney - but it was an absurd amount of time to get what I imagine is less money than Bob Iger spends on valet parking in a week.

Still, it's nice to know occasionally even a global company like Disney needs my help to float them. Happy to oblige.

Here's the thing: I like the companies I work for. All I'm saying is I'd like them a lot more if they showed their appreciation by saying it with cash and paying on time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make a phone call. Right after I check the mailbox.

Cinderella

Slipper? I hardly knew her. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.

I had a little moment of indecision about what heading to place this post under. At first I was going to publish it as part of my wildly successful, universally acclaimed and almost award-winning Guilty Pleasures series. But then I reminded myself that my macho self-esteem is well intact, and there was no reason to post it there. It deserves to be highlighted on its own.

So here's the bottom line: two days ago I saw Cinderella. And I loved it. It is a spectacular film and a welcome return to form for Disney Studios.

The Cinderella story has always been derided by feminists for many reasons, not the least of which is that Cinderella waits for a man to take her away from her stepmother, evil stepsisters and horrible life she's living.

The movie I saw was about acceptance, forgiveness, empowerment, staying true to your values and choosing the life you want to lead. Cinderella stays at her home because it's her home. It's also the last place where her father was, and it has great sentimental and emotional value to her.

She stays true to the values she learned from her dying mother - have courage, be kind - even under the most punishing test of them doled out by her stepmother (played by the unfairly talented Cate Blanchett).

She doesn't go to the ball looking for a man or a husband. She goes to escape her circumstances for one magical evening, and to reconnect with the man she met in the forest and obviously had great chemistry with.

The movie is pitch perfect in its tone, not an easy thing to accomplish considering how easily fairy tales can devolve into sugary pap. The emotion of it all sneaks up on you, although, full disclosure, I am a sap and a pushover for romance.

The film makes its points in its own way, without being preachy or trying to be politically correct. It's also a stunningly beautiful movie to watch. You could literally take any frame and hang it as a painting. It is lush, detailed and magical. Kenneth Branaugh has done an outstanding job directing.

Contrary to what you might think, it's not a chick-flick. It's a story with powerful lessons for both sexes about character, commitment, self-respect and what's really important in life.

I can't wait to see it again.

Hopefully before midnight. I hear things get a little strange any later than that.

For my own amusement

I was reading this article about things you can do, knowingly or not, that'll get you kicked out of an amusement park. Which would definitely ruin your day, and make the park the opposite of whatever the happiest place on earth is.

Then I started thinking, and not for the first time, what would it take to get kicked out of an ad agency? Agencies are notoriously tolerant of personalities that wouldn't last ten minutes in any other business. In fact, more often than not those people are rewarded for their bad behavior. They fail up. For the rest of us it's like living in opposite world.

Anyway, I decided to quickly draw up a by no means complete or scientific Agency/Amusement Park Ejection Equivalency Chart to see how things that get you tossed out of parks would fare in the agency world.

So face forward, buckle your seat belt and keep your arms and hands inside the car.

Big Coolers

Hard-sided coolers are prohibited at Universal, SeaWorld and Disney. Universal also prohibits soft coolers larger than 8.5 in wide x 6 in high x 6 in deep.

The biggest concern agencies have about coolers is if they have enough beer in them for everybody to go with the pizza they bring in on Summer Fridays, or at the annual pep talk.

Dressing Up As Your Favorite Disney Character

In accordance with park policy, adults who dress in attire that looks too similar to a real Disney character may be asked to leave.

The last thing agencies care about is what someone wears. One of the great benefits of the business is that no matter how long you’ve been in it, you can still dress like a 15-year old. Knit caps. Hoodies. Jeans. T-shirts. Sleeping Beauty. Pocahontas. Mr. Incredible. It’s all good. Even account people don’t have to wear suits and ties, although it’s still easy to spot them. Their jeans are creased.

Markers & Paint

Think again before unleashing your street art skills during your next visit to a theme park. Parks spend millions of dollars each year to maintain their facilities and keep grounds clean. Wannabe graffiti taggers are certainly not welcome at Six Flags parks where magic markers and spray paints of any kind are expressly prohibited.

Are you kidding? Markers and paints are tools of the trade. As far as spray paint, well, you usually find that in the parking lot near that huffing sound.

Packing A Picnic

While small snack items are permitted at Universal Orlando, packing a full meal is prohibited. Per park policy, there is a ban on “picnic lunches” and “food that requires heating or refrigeration.”

You know the old saying about an army traveling on its stomach? So does an agency. There’s almost always food to be found. Whether it’s brought in for late night work sessions, left over from a client presentation, or – and this is usually the good food – brought in by a production company/media rep who wants you to look at a reel. There’s also assorted candy, cookies, sodas and sour grapes lying around. Lots of sour grapes.

Obscene Tattoos

If you have a tattoo that may be considered offensive, try a long sleeve shirt or you may be kicked out of a Disney park. They prohibit “obscene tattoos” but do not define parameters.

Let’s put it this way: you can be kicked out of an agency for not having a tattoo.The more obscene the better. It shows you're edgy, bold, and don't give a damn what the man thinks. Unless the man is the guy at the unemployment office. Then you're going to want to wear long sleeves.

Feeding The Animals

While Disney’s Animal Kingdom and SeaWorld offer visitors the opportunity to pet or feed certain animals under attendant supervision, feeding one of these animals on your time can result in swift eviction from Disney, SeaWorld, and Six Flags.

See Packing A Picnic.

It's easy to see agencies are pretty loose and freewheelin' when it comes to the kinds of concerns amusement parks fret about. By the way, this isn't the first time I've compared ad agencies to amusement parks. I also did it here. The reason I keep doing it is they just have so many things in common.

Although I'm not sure which roller-coaster ride makes me scream louder.

It's a great idea after all

Have you had the unshakable feeling that today wasn't just an ordinary day? It was different wasn't it. And if you live in Southern California or Orlando, the suspicion was even more intense. The idea kept running through your head, like an annoying song you just couldn't shake no matter how hard you tried, that today was unlike every other day.

Here's the reason. Today is the 50th anniversary of It's A Small World at Disneyland.

The ride was introduced in 1964, and, to quote Wikipedia, "The ride features over 300 brightly costumed audio-animatronic dolls in the style of children of the world, frolicking in a spirit of international unity and singing the attraction's title song, which has a theme of global peace."

Sure, whatever.

The point I'm making is that after half a century, I think it's time to update this iconic Disney attraction, with its unforgettable yet masterfully irritating theme song into something adults can enjoy just as much as the kids. And I know exactly how to do it.

Shotgun Small World. Here's how it works.

Every adult who gets on the boat gets handed a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and a sawed-off 12-gauge when they board. Of course, these aren't real weapons. They will have been made by Disney Imagineering, which means they'll look and feel real, but they'll have a Disney logo on them and replicas will be available in the gift shop.

Then, as the riders cruise through, they get points for each one of the dolls they take out (extra points if you can waste them before the start of the second verse).

Now, I know this sounds shocking at first. But at second, it sounds fun doesn't it?

Besides, it's Disneyland. The dolls will just reanimate in time for the next boatload of tired parents with really good aim.

I'm just spitballing here, but if Imagineering's too busy creating the next ride, like Frozen Mountain or whatever, maybe they can borrow the guns from Frontierland.

You want this to be the happiest place on earth for parents as well? C'mon Imagineers. Get on it.