Guilty pleasures Part 10: San Andreas

There are three things I noticed immediately while watching the latest disaster film, Into The Storm. No, 2012. Nope, The Day After Tomorrow. Mmm, maybe Twister. Or Volcano. Was it The Core? Ah, I remember: San Andreas.

First, it's almost unearthly how similar Dwayne Johnson and I are built. It's like looking in a mirror. It's boggling how two completely different, unrelated people with, and I'm going to take a wild guess here, completely different workout regimens can look so much alike.

Second, when the big one does finally hit, as we all know it will, I'd like to be somewhere near Dwayne Johnson. That guy knows exactly what to do in that situation. It's uncanny. Who would've thought his years in the wrestling ring would prepare him for unlimited acts of heroism during times of shifting tectonic plates?

And third, I'm so unprepared for the giant quake that's coming it's not even funny. Well, except the part how I'll be driving along and suddenly the car will get swallowed up by a giant hole in the road that just appears out of nowhere. That'll be good for a laugh.

I went into San Andreas expecting nothing more than a fun time, a stupid script I've heard in every other disaster film of the past decade (apparently "Ruuunnnnn!" is a popular line of dialog), impossible scenarios and great special effects. And I wasn't disappointed.

In movies like this, it really doesn't matter who the actors are - the special effects are the star. And in San Andreas, they're spectacular. Buildings crumble. Bridges fall. Glass shatters from skyscrapers onto the street below, where pedestrians are running for their lives. Cue the tsunami.

The movie delivers on everything you'd expect it to.

Here's one special effect I wasn't expecting: I don't know how Paul Giamatti managed it, but he actually pulled off chewing the scenery while it was falling all around him.

I said it doesn't matter who the actors are. Let me backpedal a bit and say Alexandra Daddario is irreplaceable as Dwayne Johnson's daughter. In fact there ought to be a law that she plays the daughter in every film from now on. Or the sister. She just needs to be in every movie, okay?

Anyway I won't tell you how it ends, but when it happens for real, let's just say it'd be a good idea to have my construction company up and running.

Mindless fun, great eye candy and a loud, entertaining two hours if you let it be.

I give it an 8.5 on the Richter scale.

Guilty pleasures Part 9: Breakdown

It’s not exactly a remake, but more like a parallel sequel. I’m talking about the Kurt Russell wife-was-kidnapped-now-I’m-being-run-off-the-road-by-an-18-wheeler thrill ride, Breakdown.

If you’ve seen it, no doubt it’ll have a very familiar feeling to it. That’s because in many ways, it’s the same plot as Steven Spielberg’s breakthrough movie of the week, Duel.

In that one, a driver played by Dennis Weaver is terrorized by a never-seen driver of an 18-wheeler who, for some reason, wants to run him off the road and kill him.

Maybe he’s seen Gentle Ben. Or McCloud.

Anyway, in Breakdown Russell gives his usual reliable performance as a husband who’s on a road trip with his wife, played by Kathleen Quinlan, when their Jeep breaks down (hence the name) in the middle of nowhere. A seemingly friendly trucker, played by the late, great J.T. Walsh, stops and offers to drive the wife to the next town to call for a tow. She takes him up on the offer, and that’s the last we see of her for the next couple hours.

The time in between is spent watching Russell try to find her, as he’s being hunted and terrorized for ransom by the truck driver and his band of merry yuppie-hunting, cash-extorting hillbillies.

They’d have never pulled this stunt with Snake Plissken.

Directed by Jonathan Mostow, who went on to direct Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines, Breakdown is definitely one of the best B movies I’ve ever seen. And as a guy who likes to pull up close behind Smart cars in my Land Cruiser, I have a special appreciation for it (I don’t really do that, calm down).

If you have a chance, fire up the Netflix and take Breakdown for a spin.

Or better yet, see it at a drive-in.

Guilty pleasures Part 8: Devil's Advocate

Continuing my wildly popular Guilty Pleasures series (if you missed any, you can catch up here, here, here, here, here, here and here), we turn up the heat with one of my favorite over-the-top Al Pacino performances - Devil's Advocate.

In this B-movie gem, Keanu Reeves plays a hot shot southern lawyer (do the words casting against type ring a bell?) who's never lost a case. When a big New York law firm recruits him, he can't resist even though his wife, Charlize Theron, is somewhat hesitant.

His new boss, John Milton (Pacino) is a master of the universe literally and figuratively, and is prone to making a lot of inside jokes about being able to relate to Keanu when he starts talking about how lousy his father was.That's because he may not be who he appears to be. DA DA DA!

Better than his courtroom speech in And Justice For All, louder than he was in Scent Of A Woman, Devil's Advocate has one of the best Pacino tearing it up speeches of his career. It comes towards the end of the film, where he finally reveals to Keanu who he really is. Here's a hint: It's similar to the relationship Darth Vader has to Luke, only Pacino is a lot more, shall we say, subterranean.

It goes a little something like this:

Throughout the film, Pacino gives his character a little reptilian quality by licking his lips quickly with his tongue. It's mighty clear how much fun he's having, even if he has to act his ass off against Keanu's monotone voice and limited expression.

I could tell you a lot more about the film, for example what happens to Pacino's law office partners who don't go along with him. Or how Keanu defends Craig T. Nelson against murdering his wife. The frosty exchange between Pacino and Keanu's mother in a New York elevator. Pacino's subway run in with gang members. There's also the part where Charlize is driven crazy because, well, you'll just have to see for yourself.

Hamming it up? Yes. Chewing the scenery? Definitely. A wild ride? Absolutely.

I'm going to take the high road here (just to see what it's like) and resist the temptation to say it's a devilishly good time. I'll just say it's definitely worth finding on cable, or renting on Netflix. You'll have just as much fun as Pacino's obviously having.

Guilty pleasures Part 7: Edge Of Tomorrow

Yet another installment in the Guilty Pleasures series. If you haven’t been following it, I won't take it personally like so many other things - bad weather and heavy traffic to name a couple. Instead, I’ll just make it easy for you to catch up here, here, here, here, here and here.

But like a well written sequel (chuckles to himself for pretending to know the phrase “well written”), you don’t have to see the original to follow along with this latest installment.

Edge Of Tomorrow is part of the repeating-until-you-get-it-right genre of films. Also in the cannon are Groundhog’s Day, Looper, Source Code, Frequency, Run Lola Run and several others. It stars Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt, who clearly work well and have fun together.

Cruise plays a smarmy military PR hack who winds up getting volunteered into being a soldier and winds up having to kill the alien brain, which then kills all the aliens.

Or something like that.

The problem is he dies each time. But because he’s been exposed to the alien’s blood, he keeps rebooting his days and learning more each time out.

It’s clearly not an original concept, but it’s dished up in an extremely fun way. It’s an action and humor filled two hours of pure entertainment, which is what a summer get-the-aliens-before-they-get-us movie should be.

I’ve always liked Cruise. I don’t pay attention to the Scientology craziness, or how his marriage du jour is doing. I think he’s an extraordinarily talented actor, and a brave one.

Interview With The Vampire. Born On The Fourth Of July. Tropic Thunder. Collateral. Magnolia. Not a safe choice in the bunch. But Cruise takes them on – putting his vanity aside - and commits to the performances with an intensity not often seen in actors at any stage of their career.

He also happens to have been in several of my favorite movies: Jerry Maguire. A Few Good Men. Rain Man (where I felt he had a much more difficult role than Dustin Hoffman, who won an Oscar for his performance).

From the minute he slid across the hardwood floor in his underwear in Risky Business, Tom Cruise has been willing to do what it takes to entertain his audience.

Just like he does in Edge Of Tomorrow.

Guilty pleasures Part 6: Peggy Sue Got Married

Welcome to the sixth installment of my Guilty Pleasures series. I don't know if you happened to catch posts 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5. But if not, now's the perfect time to hop on board. Go ahead and read them. I'll wait.

Done? Okay. Good. Let's light this candle.

As an only child of older Jewish parents, a blog series called Guilty Pleasures could apply to a wide variety of things. Anything from a grilled ham and cheese sandwich to a Phillip Roth novel. But this series is about movies.

And the movie this post is about is Peggy Sue Got Married.

It's the story of a girl named Peggy Sue who goes back in time to when she was in high school. She gets the chance to map out a different course for her life, speak to long-departed relatives and change the future for people she likes. For example, she advises one friend, the nerdy Richard Norvik played by Barry Miller, to buy Apple stock in the future (later on in the movie, Richard is the one friend she confides to about her time travel).

Nic Cage plays her husband Charlie, and he's also the reason many people hated the movie. One acting choice he made was to play the character in a really high, nasally, whiny voice. Like Chandler's girlfriend on Friends except without the accent. Another was to wear fake teeth that were gigantic and white like Mr. Ed's.

In high school, Charlie has dreams of being a singer like Dion, even auditioning for a musical agent without telling anyone. But since Peggy comes from the future, she knows his destiny is to be the "Crazy Eddie" of his time, famous not for his singing but for his loud, corny and sad television commercials.

While back in time, Peggy meets Michael Fitzsimmons, played by Kevin J. O'Connor, a kind of beat poet character who represents all the wildness and freedom her life hasn't given her. But during her time in the past, even though there are problems, she remembers what it first was about Charlie that made her fall in love with him.

The premise of the movie - going back - is something I'm strongly drawn to. There's a point in the film where Peggy answers a phone, and it's her grandmother. It takes her breath away, because her grandma has been gone for years. It resonates (apologies for using a marketing word) strongly with me. It's not hard to figure out why. There are a lot of people - my parents, my grandparents and too many friends - that I'd give anything to talk to one more time.

Whether it's a film called Creator with Peter O'Toole where he played a college professor trying to clone his departed wife, or the departed Jor-el telling Superman what he'll mean to the people of Earth, the idea of going back, having one more chance to say what needs to be said, is a powerful one for me.

If you look closely, you'll see Peggy Sue Got Married also has more than a few recognizable faces in supporting roles, including Jim Carrey, Catherine Hicks, Joan Allen, Maureen O' Sullivan, Helen Hunt, Marshall Crenshaw and Sofia Coppola.

The movie was directed by Francis Ford Coppola long after The Godfather, Rumble Fish and The Conversation. It's fair to say Peggy Sue Got Married is considered one of his most inconsequential efforts.

Unless you've ever had a dream, lost a loved one or wanted a second chance.

Guilty pleasures Part 5: The Faculty

Last night, while I was up from about 1:30 until 4:30 in the morning, I came out in the living and turned on the picture box. And as luck would have it, one of my favorite guilty pleasures - and part five in my series of the same name (feel free to enjoy parts 1, 2, 3 & 4) was on: The Faculty.

It's yet another variation on one of my all time favorite films, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (I'm particularly fond of the 1978 Philip Kaufmann-directed remake with Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright - with a hilarious turn by Leonard Nimoy as a psychiatrist).

This time, instead of mysterious pods blooming all over town and taking over everyone who comes in contact with them, an alien life force is taking over the students and faculty at Herrington High School in Ohio.

As a parent of two high school students my own self, there are many times I believe this may have already happened.

The trouble starts when students begin noticing a change in attitude among the teachers. Eventually, the chemistry teacher played by Jon Stewart (yes that Jon Stewart), discovers the alien connection. SPOILER ALERT: It doesn't end well for him.

They quickly realize they have to kill the Queen alien if they're going to put an end to the takeovers. But the trick is finding out who the queen is. Could it be the new student played by Laura Harris? Nurse Salma Hayek? Phys Ed coach Robert Patrick? Student Jordana Brewster? Principal Bebe Newirth? Teacher Famke Janssen?

One of those people I just mentioned has a scene where they're walking naked through the school gym locker room. Not saying which one. I point this out because, you know, it's essential to the story.

Anyway Elijah Wood plays Casey Connor, the student who eventually figures everything out and does something about it. And even though Josh Hartnett is in the film, I still like it.

Keep your peepers peeled for a pre-The Voice Usher (credited as Usher Raymond) in a cameo as one of the football team players.

I should also mention The Faculty was the fourth feature film directed by Robert Rodriguez, which explains why the effects look so good. If only he'd kept the alien threat alive in the Spy Kids series, they would've been a lot more enjoyable.

Anyway, if you like Invasion Of The Body Snatchers-esque films, make it a point to catch The Faculty on-demand or Netflix.

Or my couch at 2 in the morning.

Guilty pleasures Part 4: Carrie

I know we're all thinking it, so I'm just going to man up and come right out and say it.

Few things are more fun than watching a girl covered in pigs blood take out after the mean girl and give her what she deserves. See, it's better when you talk about it.

Number four in my Guilty Pleasures series is the remake of the 1976 film Carrie. The original starred, and made a star of, Sissy Spacek. This new one stars Chloe Grace Moretz as the prom queen not to be messed with.

A quick recap: Carrie is the daughter of a religious fanatic who sees sin everywhere and in everything. As a result, she shelters Carrie from the world around her, which apparently includes telling her that her Aunt Flo will be arriving when she hits a certain age.

When that time of the month finally arrives for Carrie, it comes in the girls shower room at the school gym. And it terrifies her.

Apparently the only kind of girls that attend her high school are mean girls, because they throw tampons and pads at her then videotape her on the shower floor in her bloody towel and post it online.

Thus begins the theme of blood that courses throughout the film.

The leader of the mean girl pack is a girl named Chris, and if you know anything about Carrie's powers of telekinesis, you know it's not going to end well for Chris.

Julianne Moore as her mom doesn't pack the authentic craziness of Piper Laurie in the original, but she's fine and manages to color all the fanatic numbers.

But because we know what's coming at the end, basically the film is ninety minutes of waiting for the pigs blood to be poured on Carrie and her date at the prom, and Carrie to exact her revenge on everyone who did it. And laughed at her. And tried to be nice to her (say goodbye to the sympathetic swim coach).

Special effects are considerably better as you'd expect, and Moretz gives a good creepy-eyed performance as she's crushing bad boys in the accordion bleachers and causing cars to stop, throwing bad girl Chris' face through the windshield in slow motion.

I know I'm not supposed to like it, but that's why it's a guilty pleasure. Like I said in part 1 of the series, which was about the Final Destination films, there's nothing more entertaining than watching snotty, teenage stereotypes behave badly and then get what's coming to them.

In fact, in this movie, it was bloody good fun.

Guilty pleasures Part 3: The Master Of Disguise

Try to keep the groaning down. I can hear it from here.

Unlike guilty pleasures 1 (Final Destination 5) or even 2 (The Three Stooges), I'm certain I'm going to take a certain amount of ridicule for this third entry in the series. You can't change my mind. Have at it.

I'll say straight off the bat that The Master of Disguise isn't a good film (which has never been a requirement for a guilty pleasure), but it is an entertaining one.

In the ugly realm of kids films parents are forced to endure, when both of mine were younger we used to watch TMOD over and over and over. It wore out it's welcome fast, especially since my kids would repeat lines from the film. Over and over and over.

But watching it recently after not seeing it for a very long time, I found myself laughing out loud at Dana Carvey (for the right reasons). He plays a character named Pistachio - stay with me - and he just commits to it. I've always respected people who put themselves out there - consequences be damned.

Except Adam Sandler. Enough already.

See if you can keep a straight face during his (bad) Al Pacino in Scarface impression and the "...stuck in my esophagus" or "...little weiner and some tiny nuts" lines:

Alright, so maybe that clip went on a little too long and I should've warned you about the dancing over the credits at the end of it.

To make it up to you, please to enjoy this clip of Dana Carvey as Robert Shaw - Quint - from Jaws:

Yeah, yeah, I know. What can I say?

I have enough mindless drama in real life. Sometimes I just want some mindless comedy.