Seeing double

The same person I overheard talking in the hall about his teeth the other day was back at it again. Only today, the topic was twins.

When I first decided to slam out—I mean thoughtfully research and craft this post—I had plenty of choices when it came to the picture. It was the first thing you were going to see, so I wanted it to be good.

Sexy brothers. Attractive sisters. Older fraternal twins. Twin dogs. And cats. I decided to go with the babies because (imagine pinching their identical chubby cheeks) wook how cute the widdle babies are!

If you've followed this blog for any amount of time—and if you have you might want to consider a more productive lifestyle—you know I'm an only child. As such, I'm pretty used to the fact the world revolves around me. Just ask my wife. Or my children. Or anyone who works with me.

Growing up I never missed having a sibling, but I always thought it'd be cool if there were two of me the world could revolve around. There'd be so many advantages. My twin brother and I could share clothes, instantly doubling our wardrobe of black shirts and black pants. We wouldn't be those freaky kind of twins who dress identically all the time, but we'd do it once in awhile to mess with our parents. Or our girlfriends.

It sounds creepy, but hey, I've heard stories.

There's also the proven psychic connection twins have. They know what's happening to the other one even when they're thousands of miles apart. They finish each others sentences. They have a silent language of their own just by looking at each other.

I have a silent language, but I'm the only one who speaks it.

Many famous people are twins. Elvis had a twin brother that died. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are twin entrepreneurs who run a billion dollar business empire. Napoleon Dynamite himself, Jon Heder has his twin brother Dan.

I suppose one nice thing would've been having someone who understood exactly what I was going through when my parents died. I just light up a room don't I?

Sure, there would've been rivalries. One of us might've gotten accepted to a great college while the other didn't. We could've both fallen in love with the same girl, and there's no upside to that even if you're not a twin. We probably would've argued and gotten in fights once in awhile, and it would've made me feel mad at myself for being mad at myself.

But if wishes were horses beggars would ride. The fact is they broke the mold after they had me, and being a twin wasn't in the cards. So I'll just have to settle for being what I am.

One of a kind.

The fine print

Today I made an investment I'd managed to put off for years. I bought a new printer for the house.

The old printer was a HP Photosmart C8180, and it served us well for a long time. But as it got older, it would occasionally freeze up under the stress of all the work it had to churn out. Something I can definitely relate to.

Then there was that obsolete thing. With the advent of Apple AirPrint, which was not one of its capabilities, it was only a matter of time before it was taking the big dirtnap.

The good news is the price of printers has continually come down, and the technology loaded into them has steadily increased. The bad news is - and this is an odd complaint - is there are too damn many to choose from. HP. Cannon. Brother. Epson. Lexmark (never a contender). Each company making at least ten to choose from, running the gamut from inexpensive to need a co-signer.

The determining factor on price is features. Paper feeder? Yes please. Automatic double side printing? Twice the fun. 12 pages per minute? If you say so. AirPrint? How did I ever live without it.

I didn't have the cash on hand for both the new MacBook Pro I need and the new iPhone being announced next week. But I did have the $99 bucks for a new HP OfficeJet 5740 (actually I just poured a little more gas on the American Express card).

So I feel like I at least got to upgrade something.

The setup however didn't go quite as smoothly as I'd hoped. It had trouble connecting to my wireless network. I thought it'd automatically say, "Oh, Jeff's network, where you been all my life?" Not so much.

Seems I was running on a 5Ghz network, and the printer is only 2.4Ghz capable. With the help of HP Tech Support I was chatting with, who at one point told me I needed to be patient (I got your patient right here...), I created a new 2.4Ghz network for the printer to hook up with. I know, right?

Now everything's working swell, and the new printer's spitting out paper like it just took a swig of Zima.

I wonder if it'll let me print out the loan documents I'll need for the ink cartridges.

Music lesson

I'm sure you know the guy on the right. Here's a clue: he's Angelina Jolie's father, and he's also a National Treasure (see what I did there?).

If you said Jon Voight, you're correct.

And if you think the guy on the left looks like him, except with Michael Landon's hair, the reason is it's his brother James Wesley Voight, who goes by the stage name Chip Taylor.

You probably haven't heard of James Wesley. And unless you're a music fan you also may not be familiar with Chip Taylor. But you should be.

Chip has written a lot of songs, but is most well known for two of them. The first, surprisingly, is an empowering female anthem that was first made famous by Merrilee Rush, then later a huge hit for Juice Newton ("Hi Mrs. Newton, can Juice come out and play?).

It goes a little something like this:

The other song he wrote has been a rock classic since the minute he penned it. To this day, at keggers worldwide, for no apparent reason groups of drunk frat boys break out singing it. It's also been used to full comic effect in many films, like Major League where it wasn't just a song but was also the character's nickname.

WARNING: There's some rough language in the clip:

It was also one of the many (alright, two) number one with a bullet hits for The Troggs, along with this one.

In the mid-70's, Chip Taylor left music to become a professional gambler. At one point he was betting $10,000 a day on blackjack, and eventually was banned from Vegas casinos for card counting. In the early 90's he returned to music and performing.

I'll end this post by leaving you with Angelina Jolie's uncle performing his version of the song that made him a bazillion dollars over the years:

One and only

I'm an only child. And I'm okay with that.

Sure, I don't really understand the whole sharing thing. Or not having my way when I want it. But for the most part it hasn't held me back.

Naturally there's been one or two times in my life where it would've been nice to have a sibling. For example when my parents died. As you'd expect, an extremely tough time. It would've been nice to have somebody who knew exactly what I was going through because they were going through it too. Another tough time: when Springsteen tickets go on sale. A brother or sister would double my chances of getting the good seats.

When I tell people I'm an only child, I usually get one of two reactions. They'll say, "Oh you're so lucky." Or they'll give me a sad, sympathetic look and say, "Oh that's a shame."

It's not a shame. For the most part, it's awesome.

I have lots of friends with siblings. Some of them get along, some don't. Many of them have found a way to negotiate a truce because they have family obligations and joint decisions that have to get made, none of which happens if they're fighting like cats and dogs all the time. But it always seems like an uneasy truce.

I also have people I don't get along with. The difference is when I don't get along, I can get away. I don't worry about having to see them at home, or running into them at family events or holiday dinners.

Also, I think because I'm an only child my friendships take on even more importance in my life. Well, some of them anyway (you know who you are). I tend to invest time and energy to nourish and grow them, and find myself getting more than just a little out of sorts when that investment isn't returned in kind (you know who you are).

Anyway, I'm not making an argument for being an only child. I'm just saying there are worse things that could happen in the world.

That would be the world that revolves around me.