Kids today look at a manual transmission the way a caveman might look at an iPhone: equal parts confusion and fear. Be that as it may, let’s have a good laugh at youngsters who will never understand the joy—and terror—of grinding gears.
Driving a manual used to be a full-body sport. Your left hand gripped the wheel while your left foot was a finely tuned machine dancing on the clutch. Your right hand held tight on the shift knob—custom leather if we were bein’ all fancy—and slid through the gears with precision timing.
As opposed to todays’ automatic transmissions, where you sit back and let the car do all the thinking.
Driving a stick came with one universal truth: You will stall the car. And because God does have a sense of humor it was usually when you were on a hill (mine was on La Cienega just before Sunset Blvd.), and the car rolled backward like a panicked toddler.
Still, there are some definite perks to knowing how to drive manual. For one, nobody will ever ask to borrow your car. Also, it’s probably the best theft deterrent on the market. No thief under 40 is touching that thing.
I can’t help feeling sad for today’s generation of drivers. While their self-driving cars will be convenient—and is it really driving if the car is driving itself? Discuss—they’ll never know the rush of nailing a perfect heel-toe downshift, or the satisfaction of cruising down the highway with your car purring in the sweet spot of fourth gear. They won’t have the connection with their vehicle that only comes from manually controlling every grunt and groan of the engine.
So, here’s to the gearheads of yesteryear—and the kids who think “clutch” is just a handbag. May we never forget the joy, frustration, and sheer chaos of driving stick.
If you’re feeling nostalgic and want to talk about it some more, come find me.
I’ll be the guy on the hill, rolling backward into traffic, trying to shift into first.
