My high school girlfriend

If you know me, or follow this blog regularly—and if you do someone really should show you what a library looks like—you know once I get hold of a joke I like I hang on tight and ride it straight into the ground.

Now normally, after that last sentence, I'd follow it up with "Just like my high school girlfriend." It's my version of “That’s what she said” —an easy joke I've used numerous times in more posts than I can count. And I'm sure more posts than you wanted.

The good news is I'll be retiring that joke for awhile. The bad news is the reason why.

Yesterday I happened to be thinking about my actual high school girlfriend Sandy. She was never the one I referred to in the joke. In fact I never had a specific person in mind—it was just a funny line I could use over and over. And over.

Anyway, when I went to the Google to look up Sandy, what came up wasn't her Facebook profile or her Twitter account. The first thing I saw was her obituary. Turns out she passed away unexpectedly back in October. And even though I hadn't spoken with her in decades, it was still a gut punch that hit me like a ton of bricks.

I remember a few years after we broke up, we wound up getting together for a mini-reunion to catch up with each other's lives. What I found out was that Sandy had a very tough go of it in the years since I'd seen her. She'd had problems with drugs, which I knew she'd dabbled with in high school. She'd gotten married, but her husband was in prison for armed robbery, caught by undercover cops in the middle of a drug deal. And, while she was trying to figure her life out, she was back working at the same dead end data entry job for a car leasing company she'd had in high school.

According to the obituary, she moved to Florida in 2006, and had been working in the mortgage industry for Bank of America. Apparently she was a fairly high-ranking banking officer there. She’d also become a hardcore animal rights activist, and had eight dogs, a snake and an iguana—all of them rescues.

It was nice to read that in the years in between, Sandy seemed to have turned her life around and become an accomplished professional. I hope she was a happy one.

So again, I'm retiring the "high school girlfriend" joke for awhile. While it was never about her, now I can’t say it without thinking of her, even though I know she'd appreciate it. Hey, funny then, funny now.

Besides, that line's not the real joke. The real joke is thinking people who were once special to you will always be around. The punchline is they won't.

God bless you Sandy. You meant the world to me and you'll be in my heart forever. Rest in peace.

The unimaginable

Mom wakes her up. Like every other morning, it’s a "5-more minutes" war of wills. Today mom wins. Not happy about it, she gets out of bed to get ready while mom heads back downstairs to make her a quick breakfast before she leaves.

Dad had to leave early for work, but he looked in on his sleeping girl before he left. Standing in her doorway, he smiled, thinking it was just a minute ago he was holding her in his arms, giving her a baby bottle. He thought sometimes day by day can seem like it goes on forever. But year to year, it goes by fast. Too fast. He makes a point to treasure every minute. He blows her a kiss, then quietly closes the door.

No time for the breakfast. She grabs her backpack, yells “Bye mom, I love you.” and heads out the door. She reaches down to pat her golden retriever Duke on the head as she runs out. Mom yells back, “Love you too honey.” but she’s not sure if she heard it.

Mom has errands to do, but she decides to take a little me time, and has a cup of coffee while she sits on the living room couch. She looks around at the home the two of them have made, and her eyes scan the family photos on the mantle. She smiles, thinking what a great girl they’ve raised, and how the world is going to be her oyster.

She picks up the remote and turns on the television, thinking she’ll catch a couple of back to back reruns of Modern Family while she has the chance. That show always makes her laugh.

At the office, dad is interviewing a potential new employee. While they talk about his past experience, the candidate notices the wood-framed picture of his daughter on the bookshelf behind him. “How old is your daughter?” “She just turned sixteen.” “That’s a great age and a great time – everything is ahead of her.”

On Modern Family, Cam is freaking out because Mitch has been hiding something from him, and mom is laughing so hard she almost does a spit take with her coffee. Unexpectedly, the show is interrupted with a Special Bulletin banner, and a very somber looking anchor man is suddenly talking about her daughter’s school.

At the office, dad’s assistant comes into the room, interrupting the interview. Dad says, “What’s up?” The assistant says, “I need to talk to you right now. It’s important.” He excuses himself for a minute, and leaves the office to see what’s so urgent.

Mom is crying hysterically. She’s frantically trying to reach her daughter on her cell phone, but there’s no answer. She has never prayed so hard or felt so helpless.

Dad is screaming at the computer, because he can’t get the video to work on CNN.com. He yells out to anyone listening “Does anyone know how to make this damn thing work?”

Mom decides to drive to the school. She tells the dog she’s sorry, but she’ll be back soon. She runs upstairs to get her purse. She comes back down the stairs so fast, she almost loses her footing.

All the way down the stairs as she heads for the front door, she’s telling herself over and over that her daughter will be alright. She’s a smart girl. She’s probably hiding with her friends, and they don’t want to make any noise and that’s why she’s not answering her phone.

Dad goes running out of the office, leaving his laptop, his jacket, his briefcase and his job candidate in his office. His assistant is crying.

Mom goes running out the door, about to slam it shut.

Then the phone rings.