The Fredo of cars

Remember the scene in The Godfather where Fredo tells Michael, "I'm not dumb. I'm smart, and I want respect." That should be the tagline for SMART cars.

It doesn't take a government study to know that the SMART car is maybe one of the stupidest ideas ever. Of course, the only thing more stupid than the cars are the people who buy them. Yeah, I said it.

If you're really willing to put your life on the line by driving a Hot Wheels car to get 5 or 10 more miles to the gallon, you're really not getting enough oxygen.

Why not just take your recliner out for a spin next time you have to go on the freeway? At least you won't have to pay extra for the leather and you'll have about the same amount of protection.

Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate SMART cars as comic relief. I like pulling up real close to them in my Land Cruiser at red lights and see the beads of nervous sweat start to roll down the drivers face. I'm not proud, but there it is.

Most SMART car owners are understandably defensive about their vehicles. They'll quote safety studies, talk about how good the cars are for the environment. I suppose if they mean that in the sense of reducing the population then they're right.

Hey, you know who's happy about these little painted golf carts? Cows.

The pressure's off them now. SMART car tipping is a lot more fun. You don't need as many people to do it, and they're a lot easier to find.

Remember that other scene in The Godfather, the one where Michael is talking to his brother-in-law Carlo. Things don't go well for Carlo. Michael says to him, "Don't lie to me. Because it insults my intelligence, and it makes me very angry."

That's pretty much how I feel about SMART cars.