Ghostwriter

The wide and raging river of taglines, headlines, subheads, subject lines, pre-headers, bold lead-ins, body copy, banner ads, manifestos, landing pages, social media posts, positioning statements and concept write-ups seems to flow on endlessly no matter which ad agency I happen to find myself at.

This of course is an excellent situation for a freelancer, because when the river dries up so does the bank account.

But as any copywriter will tell you, occasionally you have to deal with a bout of what real writer’s who aren’t creating a legacy of garbage (Legacy Of Garbage ©Janice MacLeod) refer to as writer’s block. For whatever reason, sometimes the words that make America buy just aren’t there when you need them.

Which is fine if you’re writing a snarky little blog only nine people read, and then only when reruns of the Bachelorette aren’t on. But when you’re a hired gun up against a deadline, there are no excuses. If the words aren’t there you have to go out and find them.

Fortunately I know just where to look. To my son James.

They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But I don’t have an apple tree, because it attracts rats to the backyard and I have a black thumb and would probably kill it anyway. And who wants to eat apples that fall off a rat-infested tree into the dirt. There’s not enough Dawn and Brillo to get them clean enough for me to eat. Don't get me started on the worms.

I may have wandered off track here.

My son is a great writer. He's unburdened by strategy briefs, client concerns, nervous account people, award-whore creative directors, account planners whispering sweet nothing in his ear – and I do mean nothing. He just likes to make up fun lines. So on those rare occasions when I need to get a fresh, untarnished perspective because my brain has gone into vapor lock, I just give him a call and tell him what I need.

Give me some car headlines that talk about performance. Knock out a few lines for this video game. I need something for a hotel in half an hour.

He always delivers.

I'd like to think he gets his writing talent from my side of the family, but I think it's just who he is. Screenwriting major, hello? This is a kid who's not afraid of throwing it out there and seeing what happens.

So, to the agencies I work for now, and will in the future, rest assured that when it comes to writing copy for your prestigious clients, and even your lesser ones, I'm going to give it everything I've got. Including my first born.

The truth must be told

What with earthquakes, tsunamis, aftershocks, radioactive waste, wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya, the federal budget crisis, tornadoes in Iowa, Americans detained in North Korea, rising gas prices and everything else going on in the world, I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. I decided it was time to finally have my voice heard.

About American Idol.

I’ve never watched it before this season. I’d seen a little of it here and there. Enough to wonder why Paula Abdul wasn’t in a padded room, and who hurt Simon so bad as a child.

But this year I've become vested in the show big time.

I’m not going to go down the list of contestants one by one (seriously, can’t Scotty McCreery sell that deep-singin’, face-muggin’, microphone pointin’, sideways-smilin’ country crap somewhere else?), but here’s where I come out on it.

And where I think the show will as well.

In the show before the finale, it'll come down to Casey, James and Lauren. Then Lauren, who is quite talented, will be eliminated. James, with his Tourette's syndrome and high functioning autism has been my favorite right from the start. But I also wouldn’t be upset if Casey walked away the winner.

I know these are bold statements in trying times, and there's bound to be shock, controversy and debate over these choices.

But that’s a good thing. It’s what makes America great.

That and the fact probably no one will vote for Hailey.