Clean machine

Having followed this blog for some time—and don't tell me if you haven't, I'm fragile right now—I bet you were expecting a picture of an In-N-Out Double Double with animal fries instead of the one you're looking at. I know. I'm as shocked as you are.

But the truth of the matter is I may have finally reached the point where I've decided to turn over a new arugula leaf.

One day I was talking to my friend Maria, who I work with, about the meal she was having. She'd prepared it herself, and not only did it look healthy, it looked delicious—two things I usually find mutually contradictory. Don't get me wrong, I suppose given enough lifetimes I could develop a taste for tofu and sprouts, but frankly I don't see it happening in this one.

Anyway, faced with going to the same five places around the office I always have lunch, and, you know, the chore of finding yet another thing to have off Wahoo's menu (the citrus slaw is overrated), I told Maria if she ever wanted to make a side gig out of it, I'd be first in line, cash American.

The good news is she took me up on it, so today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or at least the rest of my week. We've embarked on a pilot program—as a trial run, she's going to prep healthy, clean-eating lunches for me all week long, and I'm going to eat them.

Today's menu was Grilled Wild Shrimp & Veggie Quinoa salad with feta and pine nuts in a lemon vinaigrette. It was gluten free, sugar free, high protein, high fiber and low sodium.

I'll bet you feel healthier just reading that sentence.

Now look, I'm not going to go to extremes here. I'm putting off the Iron Man Marathon, the triathlon and tryouts for the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo until we see how the week goes. I'll let you know.

What I will say is there are cupcakes in the kitchen at work, and after my custom-made, healthy lunch today I don't even have a hankerin' for them.

In fact, right now the only thing I'm craving is lunch tomorrow.

Don't ask: Loaning you money

From the series of posts that brought you Don't ask: Sharing a hotel room, Don't ask: Picking up at the airport and the wildly popular Don't ask: Moving, now comes the one you've all been waiting for.

Money's a touchy issue with most people. In my experience, friends don't like to talk about it when they have too much, and they don't like to talk about it when they have too little.

You know when I don't like to talk about it? When you're asking me for some.

I don't mean to sound like I've never loaned friends money, I have. But the whole, "You remember you owe me some money?" "Oh yeah, yeah, I have some cash coming in soon and I'll get it to you..." dynamic is never a comfortable exchange. And in my experience, that cash coming in usually arrives around the 12th of never.

I remember one time, out of the goodness of my heart, I loaned a friend $250 to pay his rent. A few months went by - months I should mention where I never said a word about the money - and he finally sold something, got a job or whatever. He told me how happy he was, because he was able to pay back all the people who'd loaned him money. Then he started listing names and, I know this will come as a shock, he didn't mention mine.

Whether it's professionally or especially personally, I don't like chasing my money down.

There's also something that rubs me the wrong way about the assumption I have money just lying around to loan to friends in need. I wish that were the case. But the fact is I have a wife, two kids and a German Shepherd. I'm not naming names, but two of them have college coming up, one of them needs his shots and I have an anniversary with one of them in the near future.

Any money I had, have or will have is already spoken for well into the foreseeable future.

Again, don't mean to sound unsympathetic. I understand the price of everything is sky high. Jobs are shaky and in short supply. Bank accounts are red-lining.

All I can say is if you need a little cash to hold you over, you should check between the couch cushions. Or the car seats. Raid the kids piggy bank. Dip into the penny jar.

And if all that fails, remember, there's no shame in calling for help.

Just as long as you're not calling me.

Totally totaled

There's good news and there's bad news about my car that was plowed into last Wednesday morning on the freeway.

My insurance company said my car was right on the borderline of being totaled, and they gave me the choice of whether to cash out or repair it. I'm going to consider it totaled and cash out. That's the good news. It's also the bad news.

As if I don't have enough things to keep me busy, now I have to add negotiating with the insurance company for a fair price and shopping for a new car to the list. I'm trying to look at the bright side.

My insurance company, Mercury, has been stellar so far in helping me with this claim. Actually, I believe they'll continue to act that way in cashing me out. I believe I'll get fair market value for the car - after all, that's what they do.

I think the issue will be exactly what constitutes fair market value.

There's a formula they use that involves comparing then averaging the price of cars similar to mine to arrive at a payout number. But the numbers I can find may be different (read: higher) than the numbers they find. I'm getting ahead of myself here. I will hope for the best.

What's nice about getting totaled is I'll get more money for the car now than I would if they fixed it and I sold it down the road. This is my moment to get as much as I'll ever be able to for it.

As my friend Pete said, the decision couldn't be more clear. The integrity of the frame was compromised. The body shop would literally have to cut the back third of it off, then re-weld it back on.

And when it comes to integrity, I work in advertising. I'm already compromised enough.

Of course, my car was paid off and I'm not looking forward to car payments. I'm also not looking forward to driving a pre-owned (used) car. The Lexus was my first brand new car in twenty-one years.

First world problems. I know.

So tomorrow begins the frantic online search of Certified Pre-Owned cars, then planning exactly when I'll have time this weekend to test drive the ones I'm interested in.

Just in case you think I've lost my perspective, I haven't.

Considering how severe the hit was, I'm grateful to be around to have to do it all.