Check please

There’s a trend happening at restaurants, and not just the trendy ones (SWIDT?). And I’m just going to say it at the top: I’m against it.

The table-side credit card swiper. While it seems like a convenient innovation, these little devices come with a not-so-tiny downside: the complete annihilation of your tipping privacy.

Picture this: you’re enjoying a nice dinner out. The food? Fantastic. The service? Good, but not quite stellar. Your water glass went unfilled for an uncomfortably long time. Your steak arrived a shade past medium-rare. But nothing outrageous. It’s the kind of performance that warrants a decent, yet not overly generous tip.

Enter the table-side swiper. Your server approaches with a smile that’s just a bit too eager, holding the device. Suddenly, you’re confronted with the digital tipping screen, complete with conveniently pre-selected options: 15%, 20%, 25%. The "Custom Tip" option dares you to choose it while your server watches.

In the old days before the table side swiper, you had time to discuss the tip, the service, the server’s attitude. But the swiper is a conversation killer.

With “Under Pressure” as the soundtrack playing in your head, eventually, inevitably, you wind up tipping more than you planned because the swiper robbed you of your ability to reflect, discuss and tip in peace.

The irony is they were probably intended to make the dining experience more seamless, less stressful. In reality, they’ve introduced a new level of awkwardness to your meal.

I don’t imagine servers are thrilled about this either. They know when a table’s vibe is off. But with swiper in hand, there’s not much they can do to change that in the moment. Smile too hard, and it’s desperate. Smile too little, and they risk looking like they’re mad about the tip before you’ve even entered it.

Also, those swipers are often tracking the server’s tip averages. Some restaurants use them to keep tabs on who’s getting the big bucks and who’s scraping by. So now, it isn’t just about your tip—it’s about their performance metrics. And those earning lower tips might not be performing as well in the eyes of management.

Here’s my solution: let the servers drop the swiper and walk away. Give everyone a moment to breathe, reflect, and tip like a decent human without feeling like they’re being judged. Or worse, tracked.

And by the way, can you warm up this coffee? Thanks.

The Grandstands of Heaven

Every once in awhile, it occurs to me how many people I’ve lost along the way. Can you tell this isn’t going to be one of my more humorous posts?

I suppose it’s no more or less than anyone else. But on those days and nights when I let my thoughts roll around to them, it occurs to me how much I miss my dearly departed friends and family. I was trying to figure out the reason I don’t dwell on it more often than I do, and I think it’s because I still feel surrounded by them. Not in the ooo-eee-ooo kind of way, but in the “they’re never really gone, love never dies, they’re watching over me” kind of way.

I heard a great phrase the other day: the grandstands of heaven. That’s where I believe they’re all sitting, looking down and cheering me on. Of course, since they were my friends and family and probably did some traveling with me while they were here, I'm sure they're sitting in the clubhouse and not the general bleachers.

No flight too short for first class.

Right about now I’m sure some of my atheist friends are having a good laugh at this. It’ll give them something to make fun of and mock, because sometimes being content not believing in God or Heaven just isn't enough. Have at it. I love you anyway, and believe I’ll see you on the other side - even if you don’t.

Anyway, to Jim, George, Babs, Peter, Uncle Jimmy, Pete, Gommie, Jacques, Mark, Paul, Uncle Lou, Mom, Dad and the rest, since I can’t send you a thank you note (postage is outrageous) I want you to know I appreciate your continued support and love, and look forward to seeing you guys again. Not soon, but again. Save me a seat.

By the way, I heard you can eat as much of whatever you want up there and not gain weight. If that’s true, I’d appreciate one of you sending me a sign.

Maybe something like this.