Reclaiming my time

If you know anything about me, and if you don’t by now you have no one but yourself to blame, you know that for the most part, in life and online, I'm a social butterfly. I comment, I post, I joke, I engage.

What I also do is scroll, sometimes doomscroll, first thing when I get up and last thing before I go to bed. If I'm up in the middle of the night—did I say if? I meant when—I also take a look at what I might’ve missed since I went to bed.

I’ve spent too many hours, way too many hours, going down a YouTube rabbit hole. And even though I’ve now seen every version in existence of Springsteen singing Twist & Shout, all the Breaking Bad and Friends blooper reels and discovered some of my favorite artists I wouldn’t have known about otherwise (Paul Thorn, John Moreland), I’m not getting those hours back.

So I’m reclaiming my time. I’m going on a social media cleanse for a bit, and see if I can’t put that reclaimed time to better use. SPOILER ALERT: I know I can.

I have close friends who've found themselves in Facebook jail for thirty days, and at first it sounded awful. But right now, honestly, no Facebook for thirty days sounds like heaven.

My friend and great writer Kathy Hepinstall, who's probably written another book in the time it's taken you to read this sentence, signed off of Facebook for good awhile ago. I didn't get it then, but now I recognize that, as usual, she was ahead of her time.

The first step will be to delete the Facebook, Messenger, Twitter and Instagram apps from my phone. I'm all about easy, but if I want back on I'm going to make myself work for it. And I'm not looking for more work.

As much as I'd like it to be, it won’t be an entirely cold turkey withdrawal. I'll still post the occasional link to my Rotation and Balance blogpost, but only because my seven readers demand it. What I won't do is sneak back on to see how many people liked it, cause seriously, where's the percentage in that?

Because I do what I do for a living, I’m expected to maintain a certain level of social media awareness. So occasionally I'll look but not comment. I’ll be stealthy, ninja-like and silent—just like you wish I was in real life.

You won’t even know I’m there. And I won’t be unless my job absolutely requires me to take a look.

I realize this is going to put a big dent in my wishing you a happy birthday/happy anniversary game, but it's the price I'll have to pay. And just to make sure I don't miss yours, happy birthday and happy anniversary in advance.

One of my best friends since elementary school has never been on Facebook. Never had an account, never logged on. I asked him about it one time, and he said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be your friend in real life.”

So, if you need to get hold of me, you can always text or email. We can even set up a time to have a meal, face-to-face. I realize you'll have to change out of pajamas to meet me, but that's just the price of being my friend.

Anyway, not a total goodbye to social media, just so long for now.

And of course, like a wise man once told me, I'll still be your friend in real life.

The not-so-great debate

Because I'm a glutton for punishment—and a fan of classic comedy—I watched the 10th Democratic Debate tonight. And just like the last one, it was a tough room.

It's sad and funny to watch everyone come undone as it gets closer to the South Carolina primary, and then the 14-state super Tuesday a week from today.

Here's where I come out on it. I'm not a Bernie bro, and frankly he reminds me of too many loud uncles to get my vote. At this point I can't tell if he's pointing, waving or signing. I actually think, while I agree with and support many of his positions, he gives moderates in both parties too much ammunition not to vote for him.

I've always liked Pete Buttigieg. He's level, scary smart, articulate. And he doesn't point. I like his platform of inclusiveness. And I like the idea of someone unflappable, who's had military experience and can understand what it's like to be discriminated against just for who you are. He seems like a healer to me.

I like Elizabeth Warren, but frankly there was an air of desperation to her performance tonight. I kept thinking of Springsteen's song "Glory Days" because it just felt like she was trying to get back the unbelievably great mojo she had going in the last debate. She's got a plan, and I admire that. I hope she can stay in it long enough to get her message out.

I think Joe is a decent guy, but he just feels tired to me. And I don't know if Medicare covers hearing aids, but he should look into it. It's like he's in a yelling contest with Bernie. SPOILER ALERT: That's another thing he'll lose.

Amy Klobuchar is as dead center as you can get. I believe she'll have a seat at the table, but I don't think she'll be the nominee. I was betting we were going to escape without hearing about her uncle working in the mines. I lost the bet.

I don't think Tom Steyer has a billionaire's chance in hell, but I am liking him more and more. Saw his CNN Town Hall last night and was impressed. I'd peg him for Secretary of the Interior.

Finally we come to Bloomberg. I can't stand him. I see his commercials in my nightmares. If he was really that concerned, he'd stop running for President and channel his money into down ballot Senate seats.And the way the audience cheered his talking points, I'll swear he had paid ringers in there. Especially after the way Warren eviscerated him last time. Also, his jokes are as bad as his policies.

So now that we're in the first final stretch, they're all yelling and screaming over each other, and it looks more like a pie fight than a debate. But someone will emerge eventually, and then it'll be that person vs. the unstable genius/liar-in-chief.

I don't know who'll it'll be. I hope it's Pete. But I do know this much—whoever it is, they have my total support.

WYSIWYG

There's a great line in John Prine's song Dear Abby that goes "You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't..." Nowhere is there a more crystal clear embodiment of that sentiment than the unstable genius himself.

From the second he descended on the escalator in Trump tower with Malaria at his side, we knew Donald Trump was a festering, racist piece of shit. He didn't tell us we were mistaken. He didn't try to hide it. He based his campaign on it. And he's basing his presidency on it.

So I guess the question I have is why is everyone still waiting for him to change? Talking heads, pundits, commentators and journalists all make it a point to mention when he's not acting presidential. SPOILER ALERT: he's never going to.

It's like asking an old man to walk faster. Even if he wanted to he can't do it.

And of course the shithole president doesn't want to.

For some reason there's this rating scale where every time he accidentally stumbles into doing or saying something that remotely resembles anything presidential (which does not include boarding Air Force One with toilet paper on your shoe), it gets mentioned and he gets points for it. It's the equivalent of giving a potty-mouthed child a cookie as a reward for good behavior. A participation trophy at a kids' soccer game.

The other thing I hear a lot coming out of cable commentators is how history is going to judge him harshly, along with his GOP henchmen. Like they give a shit. They'll have robbed the piggy bank, cashed out and stolen history's Rolex long before it has a chance to judge anything. Besides, I hear from many people that history is just fake news.

The more I have to listen to that awful, eight-grade vocabulary, mobster wannabe droning on, the more I realize the problem with the traitor-in-chief isn't that he's hiding something.

It's that he isn't hiding anything.

Guilty pleasures Part 5: The Faculty

Last night, while I was up from about 1:30 until 4:30 in the morning, I came out in the living and turned on the picture box. And as luck would have it, one of my favorite guilty pleasures - and part five in my series of the same name (feel free to enjoy parts 1, 2, 3 & 4) was on: The Faculty.

It's yet another variation on one of my all time favorite films, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (I'm particularly fond of the 1978 Philip Kaufmann-directed remake with Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright - with a hilarious turn by Leonard Nimoy as a psychiatrist).

This time, instead of mysterious pods blooming all over town and taking over everyone who comes in contact with them, an alien life force is taking over the students and faculty at Herrington High School in Ohio.

As a parent of two high school students my own self, there are many times I believe this may have already happened.

The trouble starts when students begin noticing a change in attitude among the teachers. Eventually, the chemistry teacher played by Jon Stewart (yes that Jon Stewart), discovers the alien connection. SPOILER ALERT: It doesn't end well for him.

They quickly realize they have to kill the Queen alien if they're going to put an end to the takeovers. But the trick is finding out who the queen is. Could it be the new student played by Laura Harris? Nurse Salma Hayek? Phys Ed coach Robert Patrick? Student Jordana Brewster? Principal Bebe Newirth? Teacher Famke Janssen?

One of those people I just mentioned has a scene where they're walking naked through the school gym locker room. Not saying which one. I point this out because, you know, it's essential to the story.

Anyway Elijah Wood plays Casey Connor, the student who eventually figures everything out and does something about it. And even though Josh Hartnett is in the film, I still like it.

Keep your peepers peeled for a pre-The Voice Usher (credited as Usher Raymond) in a cameo as one of the football team players.

I should also mention The Faculty was the fourth feature film directed by Robert Rodriguez, which explains why the effects look so good. If only he'd kept the alien threat alive in the Spy Kids series, they would've been a lot more enjoyable.

Anyway, if you like Invasion Of The Body Snatchers-esque films, make it a point to catch The Faculty on-demand or Netflix.

Or my couch at 2 in the morning.