The fact the Star Wars mythology and its characters are all some people live and breath has not escaped me. In fact, I appreciate and understand it. When it comes to being compulsive about things, we're all on this bus together (for reference, look up posts on Springsteen, Breaking Bad and sushi). So agree or disagree, I fully expect there'll be a lot of blowback. I can take it. And besides, the comments are moderated. Just like Trump's EPA, you don't get to use all your words here.
Alright, you've been warned. Which is more than I was before I walked into the theater. Perhaps I've tipped my hand.
Here we go.
I don't know why, but my son, along with several friends of mine, were somewhat perplexed at the fact I didn't rush out to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi on opening weekend. What can I tell you? On the list of things I had to do for the holidays, it wasn't at the top. But I did get there today, and I left the theater with a few questions.
First and foremost, at what point do the Star Wars movies become parodies of themselves? Answer: this one. It's like that holiday recipe you have every year. You know it's coming, and exactly what to expect. Start with the "long time ago in a galaxy far, far way..." line, a crawl explaining the story you're about to see so you know what you're seeing, add a cup of Skywalker legend, mix in a smattering of Storm Troopers, add a pinch of rebellion, some force whammy-jammy, a surprise appearance for absolutely no reason of a Jedi Master (guess which one you will), nervous, chatty droids, double-bladed lightsabers, a new character for no reason other than they'll sell plenty of plush-toy versions of it next Christmas, a couple cameos from serious actors who don't usually do "these kinds of films", lots of talk about the First Order and Supreme Leader, TIE fighters, X-wing fighters and a casino scene reminiscent of the bar scene in the original film.
Mix thoroughly for two and half hours, and it's done. Just like last year's movie. Just like next year's.
Here's another question: how tall is Oscar Isaac? The Google says he's 5'9", but if that's true it doesn't show on screen. He's supposed to be the next generation Han surrogate, cracking wise, looking handsome and mad pilot skills. But to me all he looks is short. Don't get me wrong, I like Oscar Isaac. I just think in a world of 7' tall wookies and a 6'2" Kylo Ren, maybe taller might've been a way to go.
When did Luke become a stand up comic? The Last Jedi is funny in the way the Terminator movies are funny. There are laugh lines written in, and Luke has a lot of them. Many of them stick the landing, but they also break the tone of the film.
Speaking of the tone of the film, what is it? Serious? Funny? Suspenseful? Is it a love story? A story of redemption? Luke is always tearing up in the close ups, which makes me think he has some issues he's not dealing with—besides that whole father thing and kissing his sister a few films back. Will or won't Kylo Ren and Rey start dating?
Then there's just the overwhelming sadness of Carrie Fisher. Like in the last film, she seems to be in a somewhat enhanced state, giving all her lines a neutral, relatively even, emotionless read. Still, she is the one character you care about, not because of the film but because of real life. There is a moving exchange between Luke and Leia near the end of the movie that takes on much more poignancy in light of her passing.
Why the hell is Adam Driver yelling through the whole thing? What's with the shirtless scene? Never mind, I know.
Why is Snokes chamber a bare stage with a seamless lit in red? My guess is the budget went to the effects, and by the time they shot those scenes that's all they could afford. Seriously, you can see where the curtain hits the stage floor.
Who am I supposed to care about? I suppose the answer would be everyone, but that would be wishful thinking in the extreme. I cared about Rey a bit. I was invested in Luke for a while. Didn't care much about any other characters. Film after film, they're not really growing or doing anything different. Can't mess with the recipe.
Did I mention two and a half hours? The last thirty or forty minutes aren't bad, but the two hours before that are slow. Really slow. The opposite of hyper speed slow.
The movie crawls to its end, only to have us discover what we already knew since The Force Awakens—that Luke is in fact not the last Jedi.
At least not as long as Disney keeps making billions cranking them out.
