Streaming service

Trust me, this isn’t one you’ll want to watch.

If you take a quick cruise through any tech store or online site, there are a plethora of consumer-ready technologies designed to make life more convenient and productive. And all of it is produced with the best intentions. But like me trying to do home repairs, some things are best left to the professionals.

Case in point is this little device that would never have been invented had there not been an anxious world and grateful nation clamoring for it. The U-Scan. It's a miniaturized health lab that attaches to your toilet bowl and collects urine for home urine screening.

So how do you know if urine need of it?

Well if you’d prefer to be spared the indignity of peeing in a cup at your doctor’s office—something I personally always enjoy for both target practice and hand-eye coordination—you’ll probably be one of the first in line for this smart device. Of course as I write this I have to ask myself how smart it can really be sitting in a toilet all day.

But then I freelanced at Jordan McGrath so who am I to judge.

The U-Scan can run a variety of different test results and analysis for things like specific gravity (as opposed to unspecified gravity), PH, vitamin C and keytone levels. It also provides ideal hydration levels and protein-vegetable balance.

Although I imagine if you’ve had asparagus lately the results are going to be wildly skewed.

The point is I like showing off things I can do remotely with my smartphone like turning on the lights, setting my alarm system, starting my car, switching on the DVR remotely. But do I really need it to show me how my pee is doing on any given day? No. No I do not.

Anyway if you have an inkling, or in this case a tinkling, that this is going to be something you just have to have, urine luck. The U-Scan will be on sale in the US soon pending FDA approval.

And don't worry if some people feel they have to judge and shame you for it.

You can always just tell them to piss off.

Well well it's Adele

Some days, this whole "work from home" thang is extremely productive for me. From the minute I hit the keyboard in the morning until I close up shop at night, my fingers are flying fast and furious writing spellbinding, innovative, entertaining and motivating copy that sells the spectacular printers, scanners and projectors made by the global technology company I work for.

Afterwards, at the end of the day as the sun takes its bow and gives way to the coming night, a feeling of great satisfaction and accomplishment washes over me, and a smile slowly dials its way up to full brightness as I bask in the glow of a job very well done.

That's some days. Today wasn't one of them.

Instead, today was the other kind—the one where, despite my best efforts, my mind has a mind of its own and decides to be a few miles south of focused as we spiral down a YouTube rabbit hole for hours on end and see where it takes us.

Those days hit every creative person I know. And I think I speak for all of us when I say that when it happens, the best thing to do is just buckle up and go along for the ride.

For some reason, probably because she hosted Saturday Night Live last week, Adele was on my mind. There was a sketch on the show spoofing The Bachelor, and at the end of it Adele starts singing while she walks off the stage and into the audience. It was a great, unexpected moment—especially for the audience.

I'd never describe myself as an Adele fan, but every time I hear her sing I'm dumbstruck at how stunningly beautiful her voice is. And even moreso by how effortless she is in her performance. She doesn't need to go through wild gyrations, have two dozen backup dancers, recorded backup vocals or a blinding laser light show. All she needs to do is stand there, share her gift and belt out her songs in that voice I can't seem to get enough of.

Okay, so maybe I am an Adele fan.

The song in the video up top, When We Were Young, is one of my favorites and a great example of the kind of performance I'm talking about.

I'd also forgotten about it, but today in my YouTube travels I was reminded Adele is also a bawdy Englishwoman with a cheeky sense of humor. I rediscovered a video I'd seen a few years ago of her auditioning at an Adele impersonator contest in disguise. It's funny, poignant and generous of her as the women she's auditioning with are obviously die-hard fans and slowly realize who one of their competitors is.

But then again, once you hear that voice—Hello—it's hard not to.

Baby you can't drive my car

There are a whole trunkful of copywriters and art directors who, at any given hour of any given day, are working on car accounts. It's their job to put into words and pictures the experience of driving whichever car model their client makes. If your client makes a fun, sporty performance car, it makes your job easier. If they make a minivan, well, it makes your job a paycheck.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But minivan or sports car, the point is it's meant to be driven.

I'm talking about the thrill of driving. Where you feel the feedback from the road through your hands on the wheel. Where your tires stick like Krazy Glue while you’re taking a curved on-ramp at 70mph. And ride like you’re on rails in the straightaways. That never-get-tired-of-it feeling of being slammed back in your seat as you hit the gas and accelerate past some rustbucket doing nothing but standing between you and where you want to go.

You know, the experience of driving. You know that experience? Well forget it.

From Google to Mercedes to GM, everyone is jumping on the new automotive fad of a car that drives itself bandwagon.

To which I say, what’s the point? (I say that to a lot of things, but this – really?)

Isn’t the definition of driving to drive? Not to wax too poetic, but no one wants to be the ballerina that never dances. The thoroughbred that never races. The swimmer that’s never sliced through the water. Alright, so analogies aren't my strong suit. But you see where I'm going.

This is one I really don’t get. I mean, I understand the appeal of driving my car into a parking garage, then getting out and letting it find it’s own parking space while I go off to Five Guys. I mean the gym. But then, I don’t get the full parking experience, an essential adjunct to the driving experience.

Taking refuge behind the cause of "safety," some cities are now installing roadside sensors for cars that drive themselves to follow. This is very reassuring. These cities can’t even repair potholes.

The picture above is a Mercedes prototype called the FO15. It drives itself, although there’s a steering wheel should you become overwhelmed with nostalgia or the urge to shut off the auto-pilot and drive yourself.

This other picture is the inside of the F015. Apparently carmakers believe if you don’t have to worry about driving, you’ll spend your commute time more productively by working on the way to and from the job.

I barely work at work. I don’t see it happening.

There’s a bigger story here about technology for its own sake, and questions that need to be asked. For example, just because we can do something, should we? Coincidentally the same question I asked about my high school girlfriend.

Because there’s a tangled web of liability questions, routes, judgment calls the car would have to make in a split second, I don’t see the self-driving car as a realistic option for decades, if ever.

But in the unlikely event self-driving cars hit the road sooner rather than later, I’d have to tell it the same thing I tell my kids.

If you can drive yourself, you can pay for your own gas and insurance.

Two heads are better than one

Heart and lung transplants? So yesterday. Hand and feet transplants? Child's play. Post-chimpanzee attack face transplants? You're getting warmer. In fact, according to an Italian neuroscientist it's almost here.

Head transplants.

I'm not going to go into too much detail. What with spine-severing, blood-draining and tissue-fusing it gets a little...squishy. Feel free to read about it here.

When you're done reading, think about the obvious potential health applications. For example, taking someone's head off their cancer-ridden body and putting it on a healthy one.

But while that may be the most obvious and intended one, I'm thinking there are also other possibilities that could be even more lucrative. I mean, sure it'll benefit society once the cost for the procedure comes down, but I see uses for it that will turn it into a case study volume business.

Like that losing weight New Year's resolution I've had every January since I was 11 years old? Screw that work. I'll just have my head put on the 6'2", ripped body like the one I'll never have if I exercise from now until doomsday. Or maybe I'll try out for the Kings. I can't ice skate, but now I don't have to because my new body will.

I think this transplant technology is just the beginning. There are other applications I can think of to improve the quality of my life. But this is, after all, a family blog.

Discuss amongst yourselves.