Time after time

Every ad agency has their own way of recording hours employees put toward each job. And you couldn't blame anyone for thinking that, being the creative places they are, they might have a more inspiring way of going about it.

But sadly, like insurance offices, mortgage companies, law firms and other traditional businesses, agencies use timesheets to track hours, and reconcile them against the budget and scope of the assignments.

It's the only way they can find out if they’re allocating their resources properly (laughs hysterically – they never allocate properly), and if not, fine tune them to at the very least break even.

In days of old, back around 2003, agencies still required paper timesheets. Creatives would guestimate the number of hours they put against each job (why do you think they call it creative?), and then hand them in to a smiling, welcoming HR person waiting to make sure every thing goes perfectly with regards to you getting paid for your efforts (Cough, cough, couldntcareless, cough, cough).

Digital time sheets soon followed, but even so most agencies today still require you to print a hard copy then hand it in. Which begs the question why bother with an online version at all.

Of course, agencies beg the question "Why?" all the time.

Why pitch an account they’re completely unqualified to service.

Why embarrass themselves fighting to keep an account that’s been out the door since it arrived, and is making a beeline for it no matter what they do.

Why keep hiring alcoholic posers in leadership positions who've been “quitted” from their last five jobs (perhaps I've said too much).

Online timesheets also require you to account for every minute of every day. And if you don't happen to be slammed wall to wall every day, there's always a job number for a category called "General Overhead." It's the column where you list time spent for things like Facebook, Words With Friends, watching Apple movie trailers, (ahem) writing blog posts, going to lunch and reading What Would Tyler Durden Do.

On the spreadsheet the client sees it's called Research.

The point is - and yes I have one - that it doesn't matter how well agencies manage to finesse their digital timesheet algorithms. It seems that, for the foreseeable future, even though they're going to tout the convenience and efficiency of filling out timesheets online, they're still going to want you to print out a hard copy for accounting to hang on to.

You know, for the lawsuit.

A little foggy on the subject

When I worked at FCB in San Francisco, I developed the very enjoyable habit of going to the San Francisco Ad Awards show every year. Not only was it a way to see the outstanding creative work being done around town, it gave me a great excuse to go up north and catch up with my many friends who live there. Sadly, the SF ad show eventually went the way of southern California’s Belding awards.

Which means I can still go see my friends, I just can’t write it off (as easily).

I remember one year, the show was being held at the historic Fillmore, where icons like Jimi Hendrix, The Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane and Muddy Waters played. You could feel history in the hall.

At this particular awards show, George Zimmer, founder and former CEO of Men’s Wearhouse, was the master of ceremonies. He made a joke wondering why all these other accounts were winning awards for their creativity but his wasn’t. I can only assume it was a rhetorical question.

Every year I went, there was the usual grousing from losing agencies about how Goodby would steal the show - much the same way people used to complain about Chiat walking off with the Beldings every year, until they changed the rules and judging criteria. Funny how sometimes entry fees speak louder than the work.

Anyway, the SF show always seemed to be a lot looser and more freewheeling.

I remember the funniest line of the night was from a presenter who starting talking about how grateful he was for his career in advertising, and then rattled off all the things he wouldn’t want to be in life.

At the top of the list was Hal Riney’s liver.

Even then it was a gutsy line. But it just speaks to the no-holds-barred fun the SF show used to be.

In a couple weeks, I'll be heading back up to go to the wedding of a good friend of mine. I'm looking forward to the wedding, the city and the feeling of possibility and originality that seems to go with it.

And if I have time, I'll catch a show at the Fillmore.

Guns and roses

There are a lot of advantages to working in an advertising agency, as opposed to, say, having a real job. Especially if you work in the creative department.

Every day is casual Friday.

You don't have to be in at the stroke of 9 (actually if you make it by the stroke of 10 you're doing good).

You get to spend a lot of time making up fun stuff.

And you get a LOT of free magazines.

I've always loved magazines. Whenever I fly, one of the things that's an integral part of the experience for me is the newsstand at the airport. I browse the racks, then stock up with the latest issues of my favorite ones for the flight (insert your own "I knew he had issues" joke here).

Right now I'm working in a very large agency. It has a computer account, two car accounts, a soft drink account, a pet food account and a sports drink account - all accounts that buy a lot of print ads. Because of that, publishers give comp subscriptions to almost anyone who has anything to do with those accounts.

Every day, the mail room lays out all the extra comped magazines on a table for anyone who wants them. If you've been by a newsstand, you've seen the literally hundreds of titles for virtually every interest. That's what the table in the mail room looks like.

But yesterday, this was the one caught my eye. Alliterative, no?

Leave it to the south to combine the genteel charm, beauty and relaxation of gardening with a .357 magnum.

In it there are lots of ads for gardening tools, as well as rifle scopes. And why not? They've got to advertise somewhere. My guess is the gun makers are targeting (see what I did there?) women with these ads. Why pull a weed when you can blow it away. Little sucker's not coming back after that.

I actually don't object to gun ads. I don't even object to guns - more kids die every year from drowning in the bathtub than gunshots. I don't object to bathtubs either.

This may be a subject for another post.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be back in the mailroom, looking around for another magazine. And if I can find the time, maybe I'll even write one of the ads that goes in them.