Pre-emptive strike

Just when you thought the world was running out of reasons to hate us and laugh at us comes this. Poo-Pourri.

It's a product that, how shall I put this delicately, masquerades certain odors after you've, how shall I put this delicately, dropped a deuce.

The way it works is you make (I said make) a pre-emptive strike against offensive odors by spraying the floral scent of Poo-Pourri in and around the bowl before you do your business. Then after, instead of smelling like, you know, a bathroom, the room smells like the Rockefeller Rose Garden.

Ask anyone who knows me, and when they're done raving about what a fine, upstanding, talented, funny, good looking, caring, compassionate and—what's the word....oh yeah—humble human being I am, there's a good chance they'll also tell you I've never been one to overthink or overanalyze things.

I mean sure, sometimes it'd be nice to know why I do the things I do. But then it always comes back to my parents, and while I'm sure they're at the root of many my neuroses and self-destructive bad behavior, they've both been dead a long time and I don't want to feel anger or hostility towards them. Where's the percentage in that?

Something tells me I may have wandered off point.

What I'm saying is I'm not a sociologist or psychologist. I don't even play one on TV. And maybe I'm reading too much into this. But it seems just the fact a product like this even exists is symptomatic of a larger issue: a society that wants to avoid any unpleasantness in every aspect of their lives. It's reality avoidance at it's most unattractive. It's the highest form of denial working at the level of one of the most basic human bodily functions.

Or maybe people just want their bathrooms to smell nice.

Sometimes it's hard to tell.

Doesn't make scents

As any dog owner will tell you, the picture to the left is of an unfortunate necessity if you're ever planning on taking Rags out of the house.

I refer of course to poop bags.

Now, this isn't the first time I've mentioned poop bags. I also alluded to them in this post.

But it's time to, um, dig deep and discuss them in more detail.

If you know anything about me - and really, can anyone know anything about anyone? - you know I'm not a perfume-y kind of guy. I use unscented deodorant. My clothes are washed in unscented Tide detergent. And I don't ever wear men's cologne, at least not since Calvin Klein One went to $69 an ounce (Purity. Unity. Sensuality.).

But I believe if there's one thing that should be strongly scented, it's poop bags. Granted, no matter what bag you use it's a losing battle. Even the unscented bags wind up with a scent, although it's definitely not the scent of choice. And the scented ones always wind up giving up the fight because they aren't scented enough to completely cover the scent they need to.

But at least they try. I file it - figuratively - under "better than nothing."

We can put a man on the moon, the government can listen to every call ever made and I can turn a Zip Lock bag upside down and nothing spills out. Is it too much to ask for a poop bag to completely mask the unpleasant fragrance of a healthy diet and a job well done?

It's my hope somewhere scientists are working on this.

And without getting too detailed, while they're at it, if they could look into shaping the bags like gloves it would make doing our, um, duty as owners a lot easier.