Room with a view

Hotel room art has come a long way.

Not that long ago, you'd drag your travel weary self to your room, plop down on the hopefully bedbug free bed and look in front of you. There, bolted into the studs and secured to the wall—because apparently hotel art theft is a bigger problem than we know—would be a mass produced "painting" of the Thomas Kinkade variety. A landscape scene with two deer in the forest. Sailboats on a shimmering lake. A purple mountain's majesty range at dawn.

Generic. Expected. Predictable. Just like my high school girlfriend.

But the walls they are a changin'. From Super 8's to Four Seasons, hotel wall art has exploded into a mix of color and statement, both bold and challenging. Originally the idea was to create a calm, serene and idyllic feeling for the traveler who just wanted refuge from the big, bad outside world.

Today's traveler wants something more contemporary. Something that they actually see and enjoy, as oppose to something invisible and easy to ignore. Like my high school girlfriend.

Of course, wall art isn't the only thing that's changed in today's hospitality merchants. Towel art is suddenly all the rage as well. Like, for example, this totally non-creepy, not stuff of nightmare arrangement pictured here.

A little housekeeping

Jerry Seinfeld does a routine about the contract we have with movie theaters. They rip us off, and we get to throw our trash on the floor. I believe when it comes to linens, a similar agreement exists with every hotel I stay at.

Ever since the environmental movement transitioned from social consciousness to fashion trend and marketing tool, hotels have sported these nice little table tents like the one above, printed on recycled paper and almost always with green ink. It asks us to help them Go Green!, to join them as allies in the sustainable, recycled, reuse of almost everything in the room.

It's a nice notion. But I'm calling bullshit.

Let's take a look at the ways they want us to help them. First, they'd like us to use our towels and sheets more than once. The new policy is sheets are changed every three days unless requested otherwise, and towels aren't swapped out at all unless you leave them on the floor.

Now let's see, who does this help more? The environment, or the bottom line on the hotel P&L sheet because they don't have to launder items as much, saving them water, electricity and labor. Don't say anything. I know the answer.

Here's the thing: for what I'm paying for this room, the floor is the only place I'm putting the towels when I'm done. They can more than afford to give me clean towels every day. I don't need the sheets changed daily, but only because I don't want housekeeping snooping around the room longer than they have to.

They'd also like me to turn off the lights, TV and air conditioning when I leave. Yeah, about that - I like coming into a cool if not freezing room. Especially when it's in a city having a heat wave, like the one I'm in right now. I always leave the TV on when I'm out of the room. Here's the reason: it makes it sound like I'm not out of the room.

As their guest, what's their cost to value relationship for making me feel safer?

Just so you think I'm not being cavalier towards their profits...I mean the environment altogether, as long as there's a light switch near the door I'm glad to turn off the lights.

I'd like to think the hotel has good intentions, but it's just too transparent. I know they don't. But if you know anything about me, you know I'm nothing if not Mr. Glass Half Full. Despite my griping, I can still see the silver lining.

At least they're not asking me to drive a Prius.