Conspiracy theory

It happens every anniversary of 9/11, and this one is no exception.

Every year, these idiots in their tin foil hats take a break from their vaccine conspiracies - microchips tracking you, vaccines don't work, they make you magnetic (they might be confusing that with my magnetic personality), they cause autism, they alter your DNA - to resurface and decide to scream the same ludicrous 9/11 conspiracy questions that have been answered and proven false for the last twenty-two years.

Now don’t get me wrong: I’m all in favor of questioning authority and government watchdogs. But conspiracy theorists, like their Republican and MAGA soulmates, all work under the same motto: don’t confuse me with the facts.

There’s a video online, sadly one of many, of a woman who has a conspiracy theory page on Instagram. I’m not going to name her, and I’m certainly not going to give out the name of her site. The reason I know about it at all is because a friend, who until now I considered fairly intelligent, reasonable and whatever the opposite of paranoid is, posted it today on their IG.

It is totally ridiculous, not to mention disrespectful and hurtful to the many who lost loved ones that day. But again, conspiracy theorists, like their Republican and the MAGA brethren, don’t really give a shit who they hurt.

I’m not going to answer all the questions this moron asks in her video, but I’ll tackle a few.

How does jet fuel burn steel beams?
The answer is it doesn't burn them, it compromises their integrity, something you'd think these asshats would be familiar with. From an article in the October 2001 Scientific American written by structural engineers from M.I.T. - not the YouTube University this conspiracy theorist went to::

” The main culprits in bringing the famously lofty buildings down, they concluded, were the two intensely hot infernos that erupted when tens of thousands of gallons of aviation fuel spilled from the doomed airliners. Once high temperatures weakened the towers' supporting steel structures, it was only a matter of time until the mass of the stories above initiated a rapid-sequence "pancaking" phenomena in which floor after floor was instantly crushed and then sent into near free fall to the ground below. Significantly, the panel stated that any mitigating reinforcements and redundancies added to these buildings could have only delayed the inevitable failure, though they would have bought more time for the evacuation of the occupants. “

How did two planes make three buildings fall?
Actually, two planes made two buildings fall. The fire from the falling debri set fire to the third building and brought it down by compromising the steel beams (see above answer). From the September 23, 2022 issue of USA Today: Official investigations show there is no truth to the claim the Building 7 collapse was pre-planned. World Trade Center Building 7 collapsed at 5:20 p.m. on Sept. 11, 2001, after burning for seven hours, according to a Federal Emergency Management Agency report. It said the collapse of the building was a direct result of fires stimulated by debris from the collapse of World Trade Center Tower 1. The National Institute of Standards and Technology also says on its website that “heat from the uncontrolled fires caused steel floor beams and girders to thermally expand," causing a key structural column to fail and initiating the collapse of the entire building. The site also says investigators "found no evidence supporting the existence of a blast event."

How many people actually saw the airplanes hit the buildings?
In a litany of monumentally stupid questions, this may be the winner. No one has an exact head count, but literally thousands of people in Manhattan and millions watching around the world saw the planes hit. There are eyewitness videos of it all over the internet.

There are also a plethora ($5 word - thanks Rich Siegel) of false claims regarding United 93 that crashed in Pennsylvania. Most all of those are debunked here. And the perennial claim that no airplane debri was found at the Pentagon is answered here.

The truth is the facts that prove the reality are all readily available and easily accessible. Of course, none of this will matter to the tin foil hat crowd. They will take refuge, as they always do, in lame defenses like "that's what they want you to think." or "They made it look that way." or "Follow the money." even if there's no actual money to follow.

Do I think that evidence-based events require further investigation? Of course. JFK's assassination and Jeffrey Epstein's "suicide" have a set of factual circumstances surrounding them that go beyond coincidence and need further examination. But really, let's stop the insane conspiracies - JFK Jr. is alive, the election was rigged, the moon landing, Paul McCartney's death - and put our energies on solving our real problems.

Want to hear my theory? All these conspiracy theorists want to sound smart, like they've uncovered some big secret the rest of us don't know about and are too ignorant to see. And if they haven't, which they haven't, they just make it up. And then they sound like sad, babbling idiots without an ounce of ability for reason or critical thinking.

Oh wait, that's not a theory. Turns out that's a fact.

Buckle up.

It's been a long while since I sat my ever expanding derriere down to write a blogpost. But the public, noticing a literary, insightful and humorous void in their lives has spoken.

Nah, I'm just messin' with you. No one even noticed. But it's a slow night and a great movie so here we go.

There was a time when the word "maverick" would conjure up images. To audiences of a certain age, it represents the long-running television show of the same name that starred the late, great James Garner. In more recent times, it brings to mind a certain former senator from Arizona who, in hindsight, might have been the last reasonable Republican before he lost his battle in 2018 to an aggressive brain cancer.

But thanks to Paramount Pictures, Tom Cruise and director Joseph Kosinski, "maverick" will heretofore only refer to one thing: the Top Gun sequel, Top Gun: Maverick.

Like this blogpost, it's been a long time coming—36 years since the first Top Gun film. I don't say this very often, but it was well worth the wait.

Not unlike my high school girlfriend, from the first frame the movie is thrilling, fast and wildly entertaining. Cruise is in top form again as Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, a Top Gun flight school instructor known for pushing the envelope and a healthy disregard for the rules.

He's joined by Jon Hamm, Jennifer Connelly and Miles Teller all at the top of their game.

Cruise has long been known for the authenticity he brings to his roles, whether it's hanging on the outside of a C-130 as it takes off in Mission Impossible, or hanging out a top floor of the Burj Kahlifa, the world's tallest building, in a different Mission Impossible.

In Top Gun: Maverick, he's actually in the cockpit of an F-18, actually taking off of an aircraft carrier, actually doing barrelrolls and actually in the seat during most of the dogfights.

It's an example of what Hollywood does best when it's firing on all afterburners. Pure adrenaline, pure entertainment, pure emotion. Just like my high school girlfriend (alright, I'll stop now).

Since this is definitely not a movie where you should be flying solo, my co-pilot for the afternoon was my good friend, esteemed colleague, fellow bronze medal curling champion and proprietor of Roundseventeen, Rich Siegel.

It was a little embarrassing when Rich and I left the theater after the movie, and we got stopped and asked several times if that was us in the beach volleyball scene. We get that a lot. Understandable, since we're both built so similarly to those actors. Like looking in a mirror.

Anyway, after I got home Rich texted me what he thought of the movie. He summed it up perfectly (no surprise), and I couldn't agree with him more.

Top Gun. Top Fun.

The five stages of advertising

I think it's safe to assume my ad agency creative broheim—and woheim—will immediately recognize these five stages of emotion. While your first thought might understandably be that they're the five stages of grief, they're actually the five stages we all go through while we're pushing the boulder uphill, attempting to get great work out the door.

Truth be told, there's a fine line between advertising and grief. Nah, I'm just messin' with ya. There is no line. It’s basically the same emotional rollercoaster as mourning a loss. While there might be slight variations on the themes from agency to agency, the experience always has a familiar ring to it.

DENIAL.

This happens right at the beginning: the kickoff meeting. They hand out the brief, and after a quick look see the head shaking starts. You're inside voice starts muttering things like “They can’t really want all this in the ad.” “It’s five pounds of shit in a two pound banner.” “This isn’t the real brief, no one would be that stupid.”

Which of course takes us seamlessly into the next stage.

ANGER.

I think Elvis put it best when he said, “Lord a’mighty, I feel my temperature risin’…” Anger kicks in at the precise moment you realize the client wants the ad packed with exactly everything they just told you they wanted in the kick off. And the account people promised it to them before they spoke to you.

If they'd had bagels at the kickoff maybe you'd have been more forgiving. But they had to cut back on the bagel budget because Cannes will be here before you know it. They'll be entering all that work you're shaking your head about. If I were you I wouldn't waste any time working on the acceptance speech.

I may have gotten off topic here.

Anyway, as all this goes running through your inner conversation, you can't help but default to a tactic that has about as much chance of working as a Republican healthcare plan.

BARGAINING.

This happens in the account exec or supe’s office, you know, the “they can’t be serious about this” meeting where you explain there’s no way what they’re asking for will work.

It's a tale as old as time. Once you walk out of that encounter, there's only one thing you'll be feeling.

DEPRESSION.

The account person already promised it to the client, and why don’t you just take a shot at it and see what you can do. And if you’re wondering what it is they’re putting on your shoulders right now, it’s the “Besides, the client isn’t happy with us and it’ll make the agency look bad if we don’t deliver.” weights.

And by agency they mean them.

ACCEPTANCE.

You’re not getting out of it, so you take the shot. Maybe they’ll realize what they’re asking for is awful once they see it. Not likely, but keeping hope alive is all you've got right now. So off you and your partner go, deep sighs and muttering lines like, “Oh well, they’re getting the advertising they deserve.” and my personal favorite, “The checks clear.”

Of course, when this happens enough times and you come to the realization it ain't ever going to change, there's always a sixth stage to keep in mind once you've tried everything else.

HEADHUNTER.

The deep end

It’s always worse when it happens to someone you know.

As if 70 million fellow Americans who still think a nazi-lovin’, race-baitin’, woman-hatin’, name-callin’, orange face-paintin’, con-runnin’, daughter-lustin’, rumor-spreadin', handicapped-mockin’, TV-watchin’, conspiracy theory-spoutin’, covid-ignorin’, dictator-lovin’, baby-handed traitor should be the leader of the free world weren’t enough, come to find out one of them happens to be a friend of mine.

Someone I’ve worked with.

Someone I’ve worked for.

Someone I respect. Strike that. Respected.

I’ve known him almost nine years and in that time we’ve had meals together, fought for great work together and had My Dinner With Andre-esque conversations about things that matter. Although we didn’t get together often, when we did we’d enjoy each other’s company immensely.

One of the things I always liked about him was he never took anything at face value. He always made it a point to take the deep dive, looking into the rest of the story to find out where the truth lived. But going by his Facebook feed the last few months, the truth is just a distant memory. And his deep-diving, fact-finding days are long gone.

The only diving he’s doing now is off the deep end into the cold, cruel, dirty water on the edge of town in Trumpland. I don’t’ even recognize him.

His FB feed is filled with conspiracy theories about the virus (It’s a hoax! The death rate is less than the flu!) and memes about how awful Democrats are, that of course are blatant projections of all the corruption and criminal activity going on in the GOP from the top down. There's no shortage of ramblings about how they're taking away our freedom asking us to wear masks, and a lot of "Mommy I don't wanna! I don't wanna!". And of course, the obligatory "alternative facts" charts showing the crisis isn't as bad as it's being made out to be.

Most surprising are the undisguised racial slur memes against the Vice-President elect. It would all be worth serious discussion if the posts, as crass and ugly as some of them are, were from reliable sources. The ones I've seen are from Breibart, Fox state news, OAN and other extreme right outlets. Apparently serious discussion isn't what he's looking for.

I'll be the first to admit I post quotes, memes and articles that are anti-Trump and anti-Republican. But they're based in fact, sourced reliably, factually accurate and often quite hystically funny, even when they're snarky—which they often are. You're welcome.

He's also posted responses to the many comments he gets about how off base and crazy he is, and his replies usually boil down to "..if we're really friends we can disagree like adults." Well, maybe on some subjects, but not when things like racism and cruelty aren't dealbreakers for him.

So I'm grieving. I'm sad for who he's become, and the friend I've lost. I've never engaged with him on Facebook because he's clearly too far dug in. And by dug in I mean gone. Besides, I've never liked FB fights.

I'll always be a friend to the person he was. I just can't be one to the person he is.

Brother Trump's traveling salvation show

"So you say you want pre-existing coverage? You think women should be the ones to make decisions about their own bodies? Does healthcare for all sound like a scary, socialist plan? Are those criminal, diseased, ruthless immigrants gunning for your job and your family? And speaking of gunning, are you afraid you're not gonna be able to keep yours?"

Well step right up my gullible, naive, uneducated, frightened Republican brothers and sisters. Brother Trump's traveling salvation show has rolled into the capital to deliver the sweet, magical elixir and oppressive, progress-reversing legislation that's will cure what ails you.

If you saw the shithole president's speech tonight, you know he reached new heights (lows?) of deception and dishonesty, throwing falsehoods and lies to his base like they were paper towels in Puerto Rico.

Everything he said he would do is a lie. Everything he said he has done is a lie. Everytime he said he cared he lied. But of course, his base ate it up—after all, the whole show was for them. Never before (and hopefully never again) has the SOTU speech been turned into a reality show like it was tonight.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for cancer-ridden Rush Limbaugh. You're getting this Presidential Medal of Freedom not for being the racist, misogynist, Parkinson-victim mocking tub of human waste you are, but as a sympathy play because you'll be taking the big dirtnap soon."

Cue Republican toadie senator applause.

"You say you want to see black voter support? Step right up and let me give a 14-year old black child a school scholarship (I'm glad she got it - that's not the point). Need more proof do ya? Let me direct your attention to the 100-year old Tuskeegee airman who just this very day I promoted to brigadier general (I'm glad he got it - that's not the point). But I'm just getting started."

"Sure I've disrespected veterans, trashed gold star families and mocked generals, but that's all yesterday's news. Just to show I mean it, let me surprise this wife and child with their husband and father who they think is on a tour of duty, but he's right here! How about that?!"

All that was missing were keys to new Pontiacs under all the seats.

The con was on full display tonight. Nancy Pelosi, usually calm and composed without showing her cards was clearly pissed at the sheer volume of lies coming out of the unstable genius. So much so she ripped up her advanced copy of his speech the moment it was over. Definitely one of the high points of the evening.

It's been a dark three years, and it's going to be an even darker few months til the election. But the good news is come November, this traveling snake oil show will be doing what they all do eventually. Leave town.

Hate of the union

You'll thank me later. I'm going to save you an hour of your life. Because of me, you won't have to watch the orange-faced baboon shithole president drone on in his Big Mac induced stupor as he tries to read off a teleprompter and not go off script. I'll sum it all up for you.

The state of the union is fucked.

Let's review shall we? Regardless of what his press secretary—that condescending, arrogant, lying, daughter of a fake Christian—says, the babyhands administration had everything to do with FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe retiring early. It's part of the systematic degrading of the intelligence and law enforcement community the administration claims to love and support. And it's because they're investigating obvious Russian collusion in the election.

I say obvious because just yesterday, despite rare bipartisan agreement on strengthening sanctions against Russia, Trump refused to do it. Also, Republican lackey Devin Nunes drafted a memo, with carefully curated classified information (I was going to say facts, but then I realized who I was talking about) showing alleged FBI bias in the Russia investigation. It will come as no surprise the House Intelligence Committee has voted along party lines to release the misleading memo, even though the Justice department says that would be damaging to national security. It also won't surprise you the committee refuses to release a Democratic memo answering and debunking theirs.

Let's also not forget the firing of James Comey. Or that Mr. Art Of The Deal has said all 17 intelligence agencies, who agree on Russian involvement with both him and the election, are wrong. There's also the constant accusation the entire investigation is a "witch hunt."

The question isn't what does Russia and Putin have on him. The question is what don't they have on him.

The orange menace is an on-the-record proven racist. Misogynist. Liar. White supremacist. Adulterer. Homophobe. Narcissist. Opportunist. Draft dodger. Thin-skinned baby man. Tax evader. He still has not recanted his statement that Nazis chanting "Jews will not replace us!" are "very fine people." Despite his compulsive tweeting, he hasn't managed to put one out offering condolences to the Kentucky school shooting victims and families, for fear of pissing off (and he knows a little something about pissing) the NRA, a suspected channel for Trump money laundering.

But that's just at home. When you have an assclown as big as the fake president, the vulgarity doesn't stop at our borders.

Remember the wall he talked about during the campaign, the one Mexico was going to pay for? Our dipshit president is now insisting U.S. taxpayers foot the bill. Despite the fact a wall might've been a good idea in the 18th century, with today's surveillance technology, photo drones and increased border patrol agents it's a remarkably primitive and outdated idea. My guess is he's hoping no one tells the Mexicans about ladders.

He has obliterated relationships with virtually every one of our allies, including our longest and most loyal one, Great Britain. He has lowered our standing in the world, to the point of the United States being a laughing stock and punchline for having elected him (which technically we didn't since Hillary got 3 million more votes, but that's for another post). He has the smooth, soothing, reassuring diplomatic skills of sandpaper coated in barbed wire. By shooting off his big piehole about North Korea, and weapons he knows nothing about and has no understanding of—other than thinking they make his puny dick look bigger—he has put us in the very real position of having to live with the threat of nuclear war. He has surrendered our leadership position on attacking climate change by withdrawing us from the Paris Accord. We are the only nation on earth not part of it.

There's just too much bad for one post: his taxpayer-funded golf trips. The Muslim ban. His weakening of clean air regulations (brave taking a position against clean air). Appointing people as uniquely unqualified and with as many conflicts of interest as him to cabinet-level positions. The annihilation of the public school system. Affairs with porn stars. Paying off porn stars not to talk about affairs. Leaving millions without healthcare. Eliminating net neutrality. Privatizing prisons for profit. Trying to privatize the FAA. Twitter outbursts against rap artists, Broadway shows, NFL players and Meryl Streep. Proposing a law saying restaurant owners can keep tips their employees earn. Using tonight's speech to fundraise for his re-election campaign by putting donor names onscreen (true fact).

He is a vengeful, vile, vulgar, vicious, villianous and any other derogatory word starting with "V" little man. His agenda has four missions: wipe out all trace of positive changes from Obama's legacy. Line the pockets of corporations and billionaires at the expense of the middle class. Taking a page right out of Joseph Goebbels playbook, he attempts to demean and diminish the press by calling everything they write about him he doesn't like "fake news." And use the presidency to promote his own businesses.

It is a sad, sobering, depressing time in the history of the nation. Still, if he manages to get through tonight's speech without too much improvisation, the delusional and complicit Republican congress will rattle on about how presidential he was, and how he demonstrated genuine leadership.

Maybe they'll even give him a cookie and let him stay up late.

There is a glimmer of good news. He, along with spineless Paul Ryan and ninja turtle reject Mitch McConnell, have hammered a long overdue nail in the Republican party coffin, which only bodes well for the future. Provided he doesn't get us nuked before it gets here. He has unified America and created a political consciousness that hasn't been this vocal or adamant since the '60's.

And thanks to Robert Mueller, a man Trump once considered for Secretary of State, there's no doubt he'll only be a one-term president. Or with any luck, a half-term one.

So get ready for tonight's lie-fest. The biggest one will be the first, when he comes out, waits for all the boot-licking, ass-kissing, brown-nosing Republicans to stop applauding, and then says the state of our nation is strong.

Fortunately for the country and the world, there's every indication the opposition is stronger.

Down the Hatch

Orrin "Hey you kids get off my lawn!" Hatch, Utah senator for the last 1500 years, handed in his resignation from the senate today. Well, he didn't so much hand it in as cash out. As one of the liar-in-chief's main sycophants, and a major advocate, proponent and beneficiary of the recently passed billionaire tax break, Hatch stands to increase his already formidable wealth in a big way.

So as the superhero, which he is most definitely not, always says, "My job here is done."

Not a minute too soon.

The good news is with Hatch leaving the senate, the road is cleared for Mitt Romney to replace him. Now, in the past I've been somewhat harsh on old Mitt. But in light of the last election, and the dipshit currently destroying our country, democracy and every good, decent, compassionate social program and progress of the last fifty years, I'm reconsidering him in a whole new light.

And frankly, he may be more man than I initially thought (look closely—see what I did there?)

Utah isn't going to elect a democrat. It's just not going to happen. But Romney may be the next best thing, having said this about Trump:

"Here's what I know: Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud. His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University. He's playing members of the American public for suckers: He gets a free ride to the White House, and all we get is a lousy hat."

But wait, there's more.

"Dishonesty is Donald Trump's hallmark."

Spoken like, well, like anyone who's listened to the fake president talk for more than a minute.

I applaud Romney's take down, assessment and honest opinion of Trump. And short of a democrat getting elected (although Doug Jones in Alabama shows miracles can happen), I support Romney and hope he has the cajones to stand his ground once he's in the senate.

What makes me optimistic, a word I haven't used since January 20, 2017, is that Romney is already a billionaire. He can't be bought. And he's a strict Mormon. So I'm guessing there's not much chance he can be blackmailed (for reference see Lindsey Graham).

Although not fast enough, the midterms will eventually get here. Hopefully with them comes the sinking of this ship of fools controlling the government.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Goodbye Orrin Hatch.

And good riddance.

In defense of thoughts and prayers

Sadly there's been no shortage of horrific events where people are moved to offer thoughts and prayers to those who've been involved in them directly or indirectly. What I don't understand is the (mostly online) hostility I see about people who extend that kindness.

The argument seems to be A) it doesn't accomplish anything B) It simply isn't doing enough or C) There's no God to hear your prayers anyway.

I'm not sure where the notion that just because someone offers comfort to another in their thoughts and prayers, it means they aren't doing other things—like donating money, volunteering, taking action, protesting—at the same time.

The two actions are not mutually exclusive.

What I think happens is Republican politicians who control the government right now (hopefully not much longer) make a giant photo op out of sending thoughts and prayers, then having a moment of silence, then going back to business as usual destroying Obama's legacy and lining their pockets. They cheapen the currency of concern and compassion.

Here's the thing: I can't tell you how many times, and there have been many, when friends who are quite vocal about their atheism and skepticism haven't hesitated a nanosecond to ask me to pray or keep a good thought for their sick child or parent.

That they get a job they're up for.

They can find the right words to say to a loved one.

They can make rent.

That the dog comes home.

That the diagnosis is negative.

And when they ask, each and every time, I'm more than happy to do it.

I believe in the power of prayer, and the comfort and peace it can bring people just knowing they're being thought of and loved. I've experienced it in my own life, for example when my parents died and a close friend was dying of AIDS.

In a world that's more and more demanding and uncertain, thoughts and prayers—along with other things—is an easy, meaningful offering I can give to comfort friends or strangers who need it. I don't see the downside.

By the way, I'm fine if you don't believe it, or think I'm foolish for doing it. To each their own. I'm just not sure where the venom and vitriol come from (unless it's the asshat Republican politician posers causing it—see above).

At any rate, I think there are more important things to rage against than me offering or someone taking comfort in the fact I'm thinking about them, hoping for the best and wishing them well along with anything else I may be doing to help their cause.

But if you happen to be one of those who gets angry just seeing the title of this post, you know what I'll be doing to wish you peace and calm.

Reconsidering John McCain

As I watched the 60 Minutes interview with John McCain, I felt a deep, unexpected sadness at the thought he's not going to be around. He's bravely fighting yet another battle, this time with glioblastoma—the same aggressive brain cancer that forms in the brain and spinal cord. The same cancer that took Ted Kennedy.

I suppose like a lot of people, I've gone in and out of liking and disliking McCain. But in his sunset years in the Senate, even though he hasn't always walked the walk, I find the thought of his absence painful.

I thought I'd never be able to forgive him for unleashing the political train wreck that is Sarah Palin on the world, but I have. Despite surfacing with some idiotic gibberish every once in awhile, with the exception of the occasional brief appearance on Fox News, she's long ago been relegated to a footnote, like Kato Kaelin or Ross Perot.

Like we all thought Trump would be.

The constant character trait in McCain's life has, without a doubt, been bravery. When he was shot down and held prisoner, he was tortured relentlessly. At one point, he was offered early release, which he refused. He wouldn't leave until all his fellow soldiers who'd been captured with him were freed.

He's fought endlessly and tirelessly for things in the Senate. And whether I agreed with them or not, and it was mostly not, I admired his intelligence and persistence.

Most recently, at 81, he's geared up for yet another battle. He's made himself a pariah in many dark, dusty corners of the GOP for having the unmitigated gall to do the right thing, and stand up to the most unqualified sociopath ever to hold the office of the presidency. People speculate he's doing it because at this point he's got nothing to lose, but I think it's more than that. I think it's what he genuinely believes.

Donald Trump's statement about liking heroes that weren't captured should make everyone cringe. With McCain being a genuine hero, from a military family of heroes, the statement from Trump is as vile, vulgar and uninformed as the liar making it.

The reason it angers him so deeply is that McCain has become the de facto conscience of the Republican party. His seniority gives him the gravitas, and his sense of what's right and what elected representatives are supposed to do has earned him respect from both sides of the aisle.

I have a friend who was involved at the highest levels of the McCain presidential campaign. We don't see each other often, but when we do we never talk about it, because we both know where each other stands.

I'm nothing if not vocal about my views.

But lately, I see what she saw in him.

I hope McCain beats the odds and beats his cancer. At this critical time in history, it'd be an unthinkable loss to say goodbye to one of the senate's last voices of reason.

Let's hope we don't have to for a while longer.

Have the best 19 days ever!

Happy New Year! I think this one is going to be spectacularly great. I mean that. After all, it can't be any worse than 2016, amirite? Truth be told, I think 2017 will be the best year any of us can remember. All nineteen days of it.

I know, I can hear you saying, "But Jeff, aren't there 365 days in a year?" Well sure, in a normal year. But 2017 isn't going to be a normal year. For starters, our dipshit elect is going to be sworn in on January 20th. Which coincidentally, I believe, is the day the world as we know it will end.

We already know, and he confirms it on a daily basis, that he will be the most mentally, emotionally and morally unqualified person ever to hold the office of President of the United States. If anything good is going to happen before he gets us into a nuclear war with China, sinks the stock market, destroys the environment and makes the air unbreathable, it's going to happen in the first nineteen days of the year.

So my recommendation is live it up. Go to Vegas, fly to Paris, pour gas on the credit cards, kiss whoever's there at the moment, drive fast (I mean even faster), eat badly (I mean even worse) and get ready to go out with a big, fat, toothless, trailer-trash smile on your face.

And if for some odd, unexpected reason—a speedy impeachment (please, please, please) or an act of God (this is the prayer to answer)—he's removed from office quickly and we all manage to continue on with our lives, don't even give a second thought to the many acts of complete abandon, ribaldry and debasement you just committed.

Decency, truth or consequences for your actions won't be coming back for at least another fifty years.

Rick Santorum probably didn't date much

I'm not sure, but I think I may have stumbled onto the reason Rick Santorum hates women so much.

He probably wasn't very popular with them. Exhibit A: the picture you see here.

In case you're not familiar with primitive points of view about women's rights or roles in society, all you have to do is take a look at any of Santorum's white papers on them.

He thinks pre-natal care shouldn't be covered by insurance, because really, "more often than not" all those amnios do is cause abortions - a fact supported absolutely nowhere. (While it's true there is a slight risk of miscarriage after amnio, it's between 0.5 and 1% of all second trimester amnios - which is the normal risk during that trimester even without amnios, so there's no accurate way to distinguish between the causes).

That's going to come as quite a shock to the majority of women who've had them and now have happy, healthy babies. And who had less stressful pregnancies because of the conditions, including Down's Syndrome, that an amnio positively rules out.

Santorum talks often about "the dignity of human life." Apparently that doesn't apply to rape victims. Santorum believes even if a woman is raped, she should be forced to carry the baby to term and then give it up for adoption. His wife shares this point of view as well, which is ironic since she used to live with an abortion provider 40 years older than her. In fact, he was the OB who delivered her.

As far as working women go, according to Santorum they shouldn't be allowed to go far at all given the havoc he alleges they wreak on their families. Here's his point of view on it from an article in the Washington Post:

His 2005 book, “It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good,” suggests parents in two-income families aren’t doing what’s best for the kids. Too often, he writes, both parents work when the family could get by on one salary: “For some parents, the purported need to provide things for their children simply provides a convenient rationalization for pursuing a gratifying career outside the home.” He described it as a sad situation created by “radical feminists” who undermined the traditional family by “convincing women that professional accomplishments are the key to happiness.”

As someone married to a working, professional woman, and the best mother my children could ever hope for, I find this point of view particularly offensive. But I imagine not nearly as much as every working woman does, with the possible exception of the women working to get this neanderthal elected.

It all sounds like something from a Saturday Night Live sketch. And points of view as outdated and irrational as these would be funny if this clown wasn't, for the moment, the Republican frontrunner.

If you go to Santorum's website, there's a tab at the top labeled "Why Rick".

My sentiments exactly.