His not so secret identity

He wasn't fooling anyone.

Only someone as quintessentially evil and stupid as Trump would think donning (see what I did there?) a disguise as preposterous as orange skin, yellow hair, fat face and baby hands could hide his true self.

I know I have friends who don't believe in the ongoing battle between good and evil. And if you're one of them, may I direct your attention to the state of the union speech last night.

It was a bunch of cliches that said nothing. A carefully scripted propaganda storm, directed at his base by stoking the fires of racism under the guise of patriotism.

Families who had their children murdered were paraded and exploited to make a false correlation about why the nation is safer without immigrants—by which he meant people of color—from other countries.

A confession of being a man of the people, all people, despite the fact his words and actions for the last year betray that thought, and have sewn nothing but division and invited hate.

Trump, his enabler wife, his idiot children and his oxygen-starved supporters are the embodiment of pure evil.

In this disguise, instead of waving a wand to do his deeds, his tool of choice is a pen to undo all the good his predecessor did. At least for now.

Let's hope Mueller can remove him from office before it's replaced by a button.

My darling Clementine

I have a somewhat compulsive personality. For example when I like a song, I play it into the ground until everyone including me is sick of it. When I see a movie I like, I see it several times, looking for nuances, lines and performances I didn't notice the first several times. When I'm at the craps tables in Vegas, I'll roll the bones until I've gone all the way through the college fund.

Just kidding. What college fund?

And does anyone need to be reminded of my four-starting-on-five binges of Breaking Bad? Anyone? So it should come as no surprise that when I was introduced to clementine oranges - and liked them - that I would eat them six and eight at a time.

Besides, what's not to like. This small, tasty hybrid of a mandarin and sweet orange is seedless, easy to peel and just sweet enough. Not unlike my high school girlfriend (that joke is also something I'll use until you can't stand it anymore).

They're best when refrigerated, although they don't have to be. And you can eat them almost anywhere. They're juicy, but not in that spill-all-over-the-place naval orange kind of way.

At the market, they're usually sold in netted bags or small boxes called Cuties or Halos. I wouldn't care if they were called Cha Cha's or NumNums. They're awesome.

Occasionally I wonder how long it'll take me to tire of them, and what semi-healthy snack I'll move on to and obsess over next.

But not before I check to see if there are any more of these left.

Trader Joe's is not my friend

Like everyone else who appreciates badly-designed parking lots and checkout counters carefully placed at an illogical 75 degree angle, I shop at Trader Joe's.

I used to shop there because you could get healthier food at a cheaper price.

But the idea of eating healthy goes out the window when the shelves are stocked with tempting little numbers like these.

It's like the Pabst Blue Ribbon they sell at Whole Foods. Kind of takes the wind out of their healthy sales.

Now, I've spoken about the fact that I'm allergic to chocolate on here before, so I won't dwell on it. First let me just say thank you, but I don't need your pity. Second, I'll remind you that it doesn't close my throat or send me into shock or seizures. I just get stuffed up and sneeze - a small price to pay.

The other thing is I've been an orange and chocolate guy from way back. When there used to be a chain of Swensen's Ice Cream shops, they had a flavor called Swiss Orange Chip, which may be the best tasting chocolate/orange combination ever to be served on God's green earth.

A very close second, or berry close second (see what I did there?) is raspberry chocolate sticks. Flavor, texture, size - it just all works for me.

Except the sneezing part, but again, well worth it.

Anyway, the point is that as long as Trader Joe's carries these and many other sweet treats, I can't take their claims of "organic" and "healthy" very seriously.

Although I did hear that the raspberry and orange chocolate sticks are free-range and cage-free.

So that makes me feel better.