Showing posts with label horror movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horror movie. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

New math

I have a high threshold for creepiness. I like horror movies. I want the teenagers to go into the dark cave. After the car breaks down in the rain on the deserted road, I can't wait for them to knock on the door of the creepy house. I love it when they don't know their shadows are moving independently of them. And toy clowns with eyes that follow them around the room? Yes please.

But I saw something on television this morning that creeped me out more than any movie has in a long time. This commercial for Mathnasium.

First of all, in the same way people who live in Anaheim never go to Disneyland, I almost never pay attention to commercials. However when the creepfactor is cranked up to eleven, it can't help but be a slow, drive by car wreck I can't look away from.

To quote Stefon, "This spot's got everything."

A pedestrian concept.

White-bread casting.

Bargain-basement CGI.

Needle drop music.

Giant A+ spray painted on the classroom wall (to go with the A+ on all the freakishly animated student sweaters).

Annoying voiceover.

Kid giving a thumbs up.

A token Asian cause, you know, math.

A maybe Hispanic kid and his maybe Hispanic mom.

A kid that says, "Awesome." Because that's how kids talk.

Not sure why, but for some reason for me the spot has an "It's a cookbook!" quality to it. Maybe it's the bad CGI on the badly animated students.

Here's what I think would help: if the kid at the end of the spot smiled and looked at his reflection in the car window. We'd hold for a beat, then his reflection suddenly turns into a killer clown, breaks through the glass and rips the little suckers' throat out.

I know, it probably wouldn't be good for enrollment. But you can't tell me it wouldn't add up to a much more memorable spot.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Guilty pleasures Part 5: The Faculty

Last night, while I was up from about 1:30 until 4:30 in the morning, I came out in the living and turned on the picture box. And as luck would have it, one of my favorite guilty pleasures - and part five in my series of the same name (feel free to enjoy parts 1, 2, 3 & 4) was on: The Faculty.

It's yet another variation on one of my all time favorite films, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (I'm particularly fond of the 1978 Philip Kaufmann-directed remake with Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright - with a hilarious turn by Leonard Nimoy as a psychiatrist).

This time, instead of mysterious pods blooming all over town and taking over everyone who comes in contact with them, an alien life force is taking over the students and faculty at Herrington High School in Ohio.

As a parent of two high school students my own self, there are many times I believe this may have already happened.

The trouble starts when students begin noticing a change in attitude among the teachers. Eventually, the chemistry teacher played by Jon Stewart (yes that Jon Stewart), discovers the alien connection. SPOILER ALERT: It doesn't end well for him.

They quickly realize they have to kill the Queen alien if they're going to put an end to the takeovers. But the trick is finding out who the queen is. Could it be the new student played by Laura Harris? Nurse Salma Hayek? Phys Ed coach Robert Patrick? Student Jordana Brewster? Principal Bebe Newirth? Teacher Famke Janssen?

One of those people I just mentioned has a scene where they're walking naked through the school gym locker room. Not saying which one. I point this out because, you know, it's essential to the story.

Anyway Elijah Wood plays Casey Connor, the student who eventually figures everything out and does something about it. And even though Josh Hartnett is in the film, I still like it.

Keep your peepers peeled for a pre-The Voice Usher (credited as Usher Raymond) in a cameo as one of the football team players.

I should also mention The Faculty was the fourth feature film directed by Robert Rodriguez, which explains why the effects look so good. If only he'd kept the alien threat alive in the Spy Kids series, they would've been a lot more enjoyable.

Anyway, if you like Invasion Of The Body Snatchers-esque films, make it a point to catch The Faculty on-demand or Netflix.

Or my couch at 2 in the morning.