Showing posts with label standard issue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label standard issue. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Standard issue

Wander around agencies today - especially those on the west side, not that I'm making certain assumptions - and you'll see a lot of similar accoutrements.

There is of course the open office seating plan, designed to increase communication, stimulate creativity, create departmental interaction and drastically lower agency overhead and reflect better on the annual P&L audit by not having to build out offices for everyone.

Guess which one of these it does best.

You'll probably also see the Peet's Coffee machine, offering lattes, extra shots of vanilla and chocolate, hot chocolate made with water (just like mom used to make), as well as dark, strong coffee's bastard red-headed stepchild, tea.

There'll be no shortage of hipster planners with knit caps, tight jeans, iPhone 6's, piercings and piercing insights into the clients business. Things like "People buy (CAR NAME HERE) because they want an innovative, reliable car."

You'll see The Meeting Place. This can be a basketball court, an inside park or even a large centrally located staircase where staff meetings can be held for any number of reasons. Winning a client. Losing a client. Pep talk. Annual work review. Birthdays for that month. The reason isn't really the important thing. The important thing is it's usually about an hour no one has to do anything except eat bagels and pretend they're listening.

More often than not, what you'll also see is a foosball table. It's usually located near the vending machines, or in a former conference room along with a well-worn leather couch and some leftover swivel chairs.

Riddle me this: what's the deal with foosball?

I can count on one hand how many times I've actually seen anyone using them. Of course, I can also count on one hand how many times a planner has given me an insight worth a tenth of what they're being paid. I might be getting off topic here.

The point is, how about 86'ing the foosball table for something people actually use to blow off the stress of coming up with outdoor headlines like, "The 2015 (CAR MAKER) (CAR MODEL)."

Sure, we make it look easy. But it's not.

I'd like to suggest a pool table, because everyone likes holding the cue and pretending they're Paul Newman in The Hustler. Since there's no smoking allowed within twenty feet of the building, you won't be able to let a cigarette with a burned down ash dangle from the corner of your mouth the way Newman did. But maybe if no one's looking you can get away with a vape e-cig.

Or a ping pong table. The ball makes a nice sound, and it's easy to ace the other player if you're serving. Plus you can take that half crouching, swaying side-to-side stance that, combined with the creased brow and intense stare, makes it look like you're playing a game that really matters.

I believe foosball tables have seen their day. The time has come for them to be relegated to history's scrapheap of agency furnishings we once thought we couldn't live without: The bean bag chair. The cork wall board in offices (when they had offices). The oversized Lichtenstein print.

Classic foosball tables can run over $5,000. If an agency is going to spend that kind of money, it may as well spend it on something more meaningful and worthwhile.

Like a higher quality pizza at the 2 a.m. regroup.