Bumper. Car.

With cars, as with life, sometimes you're the bumper and sometimes you're the bumpee. In this picture, my car is the bumpee.

While I was stopped in a strip mall parking lot near where I live, questioning what this beat up Chevy Tahoe angled in front of me was going to do, the Tahoe gave me the answer. It backed up into me. No one was hurt, my car was still drivable, and the Tahoe driver was insured. All good right?

Not so fast.

As we were exchanging information, the woman's husband who apparently worked at one of the businesses in the mall - and didn't see the accident - came out and joined us. They were both just as apologetic as could be. They had a short conversation between themselves, and I happened to overhear him say to her, "You're going to lose your license over this."

Clearly there were implications and incidents I wasn't privy to. By the way, Implications & Incidents - great band. Saw them at the Roxy in '98 (Note to Rich: you're welcome).

After apologizing again for hitting me, the husband asked me how I wanted to handle it. I said I wanted to go through my insurance company, but he had another idea. He said, "If you're open to it, I'd like to pay out of pocket for it. I have the cash, and I know a body shop you can go to."

Sounds perfectly legit - I know, right?

You know what body shops are like in California? I'll give you a clue: everyone has one.

Even though every instinct I had was screaming not to do it, I told him I was willing to get an estimate on the repair and bring it back to him. He could look it over and give me an answer that night. If he agreed, he'd have to meet me at the bank in the morning to get a cashier's check made out to the body shop.

Here's what I learned: in my next life I want to own an auto body shop. The estimate for this seemingly minor damage was $1703.00. After I brought it back and he saw the total he grumbled a bit, then said he'd talk to his wife and call me that evening.

When the phone rang at 8:30, I was frankly a little surprised since I figured I'd never hear from them again and wind up going through insurance anyway.

It was all very civil, she apologized again for hitting me, and said she'd called her insurance company and I'd hear from them. I said fine, I'll call my company and we'll go from there.

I'm with Mercury. Have been for almost as long as I've been driving. They've never been anything but amazing in past dealings, and they were just as awesome in this one. They took the information down and had a claims adjustor call me this morning.

After going over a few things with the adjustor, we got into a discussion about how they might change their story. She said she'd call the woman who hit me and find out.

You'll never guess what happened next? No, really, you'll never guess.

Apparently her new and improved version is that we collided. I told the adjustor that if by collided she meant she backed her big fat SUV into the side of my stopped car, then yes.

So it's going in the body shop tomorrow, I'll have some awesome rental for about a week, and the insurance companies will duke it out. But I'm pretty sure mine will win. The thing is to get the kind of damage my car sustained, I would've had to have driven sideways into her. The Lexus comes with a lot of options, but not that one.

Frustrated, I told my adjustor that you'd just hope people would do the right thing.

In that world weary voice only insurance adjustors who've heard it all have, she replied "I hope that every day."

The hidden damage

Ever since my car crash, I've been thinking about a particular term the insurance company and body shop have been tossing around: The hidden damage.

It's the damage to the car that's not readily apparent. It's hidden beneath the surface. It's the kind of damage that can't be revealed until you do a complete tear-down. Strip away the outer layers - bumpers, panels - and see what's waiting underneath. Once that's done, light can be shed on the problem and it can be seen clearly.

Of course, they have to be willing to recognize it when they see it.

I've always been one to criticize some of my blogger friends for going all new-age whammy jammy in their writing. I try to avoid that. Still, it seems to me the metaphor is hard to escape. Everyone carries around some hidden damage. If you're alive at all, how can you not?

It comes to each of us in different forms: heartbreak, death, sickness, addiction, disappointment - with ourselves, our families, our friends - and other things, some so difficult to put into words they're almost justified remaining hidden.

I know, I just light up a room don't I?

My insurance company said once hidden damage is discovered, there are questions that have to be answered. Is it a total loss? Is it repairable? And at what cost.

The very same questions that need answers with our own hidden damage.

Some people keep driving for years until they finally break down, because either they didn't know it was there or knew but just ignored it.

The truth is there's always hidden damage that can use some attention. Often, if you're willing to put in the work, it can be repaired. Maybe not as good as new, but well enough to work.

But first, like the guy at the body shop said, you have to look for it.