Pretty woman. OK handwriting.

Here's how it happened.

There was a point in time, when I was younger and she was younger, that I had a little crush on Julia Roberts. This of course was during the Mystic Pizza, Pretty Woman, Steel Magnolias and Sleeping With The Enemy era. It was kind of rekindled during the Notting Hill days, but one too many close-ups and articles about her bitching out her Malibu neighbors and I was done.

Anyway, during the early days, my friend, best man and a fine actor in his own right Scott Thomson was working on The Player with her. He found himself at the craft services table, and, knowing how much I liked her at the time, said "I know this is very uncool. But a friend of mine's a big fan of yours and he's home with the flu. I was wondering if there's any way you could give him an autograph?"

I felt fine.

To almost everyone's surprise, she did - the one you see here. The Player was twenty-one years ago, and I didn't even know I still had this. I just found it cleaning out a drawer.

But it does make me smile, and reminds me of a time when a movie star caught my attention and kept it onscreen and off. Color me old-fashioned, but I'm just a little starstruck and romantic that way.

I wonder what I can get for it on eBay.

Terri Hatcher has big ones

How can you not see them? She's practically shoving them at you. And they're staring you right in the face. Besides, she's an actress. She knows you're looking at them. Plus when skinny girls like her have a pair that big, you really can't help but notice.

I'm talking about her ears.

I caught a bit of Desperate Housewives last night (okay, first, my macho self-esteem is not threatened. And second, I'd already seen the east coast feed of Dexter), and there was a shot with her hair pulled back in a pony tail and oh my God look at the size of those ears!

It's probably not the first feature she wants viewers focusing on. But being an actress, you'd think she'd know her good angles from her bad. And this was bad.

I think one of the reasons those ears are so prominent is all the plastic surgery she's had. Her cheeks (and lips, and forehead) are pulled so tight, her ears slant forward at an angle not usually found in nature.

I don't mean to pick on her. I've always liked her. She was great in a small film called The Big Picture, starring Kevin Bacon and directed by Christopher Guest. I also liked her a lot in Lois & Clark.

It's a tough business to get older in, especially for women, and I don't begrudge her doing what she needs to do to stay competitive in it.

All I'm saying is if you have as much money as she does, and you're going to get as much plastic surgery as she's had, the question you probably want people asking at the end of it all is "How does she still look so great?"

Instead of "How many channels you get on those things?"