The first manifesto

From airlines to peanut butter to Japanese car companies, they all want one. And not just one. One like the one that started it all. And agencies want to give it to them.

The manifesto. That crisp, concise group of words that at once lays out the philosophy, character, promise, mission and direction of a company.

My friend Rich Siegel over at Round Seventeen is the best manifesto writer working, and he's written more of them than anyone I know including me. But as he'd be the first to tell you, even when it's right in front of them, they don't always see it. In a global campaign gang...effort for a luxury car company, I won't say which one - Infiniti - Rich wrote an incredible manifesto. I walked in the conference room where it was pinned on the foam core with about 25 other, lesser manifestos, and was in awe. In fact, I gave it the ultimate copywriter compliment: I wished I'd written it.

At the end of the exercise though, Infiniti stayed with the work it was doing.

The benchmark for all manifestos is and will always be Apple. But that particular one is uniquely reflective of an uncompromising leader with a singular vision. Two things too many companies are lacking.

But don't think I'm completely against them. I'm not. They're good for business.

So here's to the crazy ones. Because people who are crazy enough to think they need to hire freelancers to write manifestos are the ones that do.

The thrill is gone

There's a saying when you like a car so much, you can't get it out of your mind. Since this is a family blog I'll paraphrase it: "If it were a person I'd marry it.".

I remember how completely smitten I felt the very first time I ever saw the PT Cruiser. It was a blue-line drawing in Motor Trend magazine two years before Chrysler actually put it into production. And it looked awesome. The retro styling, the street-rod, American Graffiti-ness of it. It appealed to me on a completely visceral level. It was sexy.

But because you think something is sexy at one point doesn't mean you'll always think it is. Just ask my high school girlfriend.

Anyway, having fallen hard I immediately made it my mission to learn everything I could about it. I also started saving my pennies and counting the days until Chrysler actually rolled it off the line. I wanted to be one of the first in California to own one.

Then a funny thing happened. I was over it.

When they came out, they looked tamer than I'd expected. They also looked like a fad car - there was nothing timeless about the design. In fact just the opposite: it evoked a very specific time, you know, the one that's passed. Because of that, it was just a novelty.

When I finally rode in one, turns out it wasn't fast (It had the Neon engine in the first model, although to be fair they boosted the power in subsequent versions). It was roomy but not comfortable. And after the Highway Institute and insurance companies had a chance to rate it, come to find out it wasn't all that safe either.

I saw a black one on the road today, waxed to a gloss and reflecting the sun into my eyes. And in the same way you see an old flame and can't help but wonder what might've been, I tried to picture myself behind the wheel of that Cruiser today.

I couldn't. All I could see was the white-haired, 65-year old lady straining to see over the wheel, going 45 on the freeway.

My kind of kid

As the kid lottery goes, I think I hit the jackpot. I have two extremely incredible kids who never cease to surprise and amaze me.

Like magicians, except with fewer bunny casualties.

I've already posted here about how crazy proud I am of the poem my daughter wrote. Now I want to relay a little anecdote about her brother.

My son is currently on a trip to Chicago with his school choir group. They have scheduled performances and competitions for the next few days. They also have plenty of extra time to tool around Chicago and take in what makes it such a great city.

Anyway, I was taking him to school yesterday, the day he was leaving, and he asks me the question I get almost every time I take him to school - "Can I play you a song?"

Now, when he asks, I immediately roll my eyes, let out a deep sigh and assume I'm going to be held hostage to one of the bands he likes that make me want to blow my brains out.

It's a very mature reaction to have in front of him. I'm nothing if not a role model.

So I said, "Sure, go ahead."

He plugs in his iPhone, hits play and out comes the last thing I would've expected: Sinatra singing My Kind Of Town.

I was smiling, but I felt like crying tears of joy. At how beautiful Sinatra's tone and phrasing are. How perfect a song choice it was. How much he loved surprising me with it.

And how much I'll miss him until he gets back Monday.

Look who's launching missiles at us

It. Is. ON!

In this corner, the impoverished, food deprived, medicine free, crazy-man-at-the-helm, third world country by any reasonable definition, the universally shunned nation of North Korea.

And in this corner, the most powerful nation ever on the face of the planet, leaders of the free world, the most technologically advanced military anywhere, the country that gave you Jersey Shore, Cop Rock and that Anthony Edwards show cancelled after three episodes, the proud, the brave, the star-spangly United States of America.

In case you haven’t heard, North Korea is doing what they’ve been doing the last 60 years. Threatening to launch a pre-emptive strike – this time nuclear - against the United States. The reason is because we, along with many other countries including their traditional ally China, have imposed sanctions against them that are unprecedented in their strictness.

And they’re cranky. You know how they get when they’re hungry.

Anyway, the sanctions are designed to get them to cease being bullies to South Korea and to have them dismantle their nuclear program. And now that their pal China's on board, they may feel the pain enough to actually negotiate even with all their posturing to the contrary.

But in case they're not kidding, and they are actually stupid enough to launch a missile at the west coast of the United States, I'm confident one of our missile interceptors - either land, submarine or air based - will knock it down before it even gets anywhere close.

I'm also sure that if that happens, within minutes this will be an "after" shot of North Korea.

Portlandia

I haven't been to Portland in a long time. Somewhere around nine years. And I miss it.

The last time I was there, I lived for three weeks at the Hotel Lucia downtown while I was shooting a commercial for an agency called Perceive that no longer exists (it barely existed when it did). Because we were also editing up there, I had plenty of time to explore the city. If you've ever been there, you already know it's a good walking town.

Alan Otto, my friend (currently) and creative director (at the time) would meet in the lobby every morning. Then we'd pick a direction and start walking for as long as we could before we had to be at the shoot or the edit. One morning we walked to the 97-year old Portland Luggage Company where I picked up a mid-size Boyt suitcase to complete my set and had it shipped home.

I love luggage stores. Whole other post.

Another great thing is that all of Oregon is a Powerball state. And for someone like me who's inclined to play the lottery since I won $5,000 in it once (yes I did), it was fun to play in a multi-state draw where we're talking real retirement money.

By the way, the hotel you see here isn't the Lucia. It's the Benson, just a block and a half up the street. It's one of the grand old hotels you run into, a 100-years old - the one where presidents, foreign dignitaries and celebrities stay when they come to town. In fact when we were shooting up there, at three in the morning Nic Cage was playing piano and singing to Lisa Marie Presley in the lobby.

Anyway, I imagine it'll be somewhat of a let down for them, but the Benson is where I'll be staying when I return to Portland in May. I'm looking forward to it because it's Portland, but also because the reason I'm going is for a gathering to celebrate my dear friend Paul Decker's life.

The good news is I already know what suitcase I'm taking with me.

Light at the end of the day

I hope you're sitting down. I don't know how to break this to you, but my Jedi instincts tell me the best way is to just come right out and say it: there are a lot of babies and whiners on the internet.

I know, I'm as shocked as you are. Shocked.

If you've been on Facebook or Twitter in the last couple days, like me you've probably noticed an ungodly amount of posts talking about how much people hate daylight savings time. How they just. don't. understand. why we have to change the clocks at all. How they're soooooo tired because they lose one hour in 24 out of one day in 365.

I'd like to promise all of you complaining about it that this is not the worst thing that will ever happen in your life. Trust me.

As you might've guessed, I happen to be a big supporter of DST. And I can't even begin to understand why everyone else isn't. There are so many more reasons to like it than not.

Let's start at the wallet. The fact it's light until almost 9 means electric bills go down. Way down for at least six months. Who's against that? Whiners? Anyone?

Next, the hideous commute I'm up against every night seems to get a little easier, because for some odd reason drivers are able to navigate better when they can actually see the road and what's around them. Body shops don't do as well during DST, but they make it up when we Fall Back.

Finally, and this may just be me, but I seem to have more energy. The longer it's light out, the longer I think it's not time to settle in for the night. I'm out and about longer getting more done. Not just more of what I have to do, but more of what I want to do.

So for all the whiners out there bitching and moaning about switching All The Clocks In The House! ahead and losing your precious hour, I say this with love: just shut up.

You'll get your hour back in November.

Look at it this way. Now that the day's longer, you'll have more time to think of something else to complain about.

Punctuation doesn't suck

Grammar's a hard thing to muster a lot of excitement about. And since I pass myself off as a writer, I have this secret shame I don't know as much as I should about it. The dreaded semi-colon? No idea if I'm using it the right way or not. At least in the three times in my life I've used it (two of which are in this post).

My friend Julie Prendiville gave me the best book on grammar I've ever read: The Deluxe Transitive Vampire. It makes grammar interesting, fun, and more importantly, important. (any number of writers could've done a better job with that last sentence. Don't think I didn't notice).

Anyway, it's been a long time since she gave me the book, and equally as long since I've read it. But as a result of the rapidly fading use of proper grammar, I'll be picking it up again soon. I can't stand the thought I might be part of what I consider the dumbing down of writing, even if I am part of a business that makes up words like stroft (Charmin - strong & soft), powercision (Hyundai - power & precision, or circumcision; was never sure which), funified (Chuck E. Cheese; false advertising at its best), freshalicious (Subway) and a million more.

In case you're wondering, the quick way to a dumb, new ad word is to combine two ordinary words into a colossally stupid one. Or just add -licious, -centric, -tastic, -esque or -opolooza to one.

Look, I know I'm not the only writer who's frustrated by the disappearance of proper punctuation. Most noticeably periods. I'm not sure when it happened, although it was probably around the time the first web designer/art director said, "Do we really need that period in the headline? I don't know, it doesn't look right." And naturally since art directors are well known for their legendary grasp of grammar and spelling, the (junior) writer he worked with went along with it.

The thing about punctuation is that it isn't only a design element. It's an essential tool in making written words read and feel as much like spoken conversation as possible.

So when I drive down the 405 - and by drive I mean crawl - looking at outdoor headlines with no periods, it's frustrating. Same with almost every headline anywhere on the interwebs. It's almost as if the laziness of abbreviated txtng has crept into everything.

Without periods, headlines are incomplete. They float. They're wishy-washy. They're not definitive, confident statements about the product.

I'm not letting myself off the hook either. I rarely use punctuation on my post titles. I'm not proud of it. I promise to do better from now on.

Not just for my readers, but for grandpa.