The TSA is not the enemy

Hey, air travelers, it's a pat down not a prostate exam.

All this uproar over something you don't even have to have unless you opt-out of the body scanner, is ridiculous.

Seriously, a little light frisking with a chance of having the jewels brushed, and you're going to boycott? Jam the security lines at the height of holiday travel? Have at it. You'll be the most popular person on the plane, especially to all the people forced to wait in line behind you.

That is, of course, assuming you make your flight.

Go figure, but it's a pretty safe bet the airlines aren't going to adjust their holiday schedules just so you can take your stand, without your shoes on, at the metal detector.

When I used to commute to San Francisco from Los Angeles every week, one time the pilot taxied out to the runway, then turned the plane around and took us back to the gate because he felt a vibration in the engine he didn't like. They moved us off that plane and on to another one. There was this loudmouth jackass, as there always is, complaining how late he was going to be to his meeting because the pilot decided not to take a chance of the engine failing in mid-flight. I told him to feel free to stay on the plane.

It constantly amazes me how short people's memories are. Maybe they just don't read the papers, but there's actually a reason for the increased security.

All this uninformed noise about 4th amendment rights being violated, especially by a group of people who have clearly never read the 4th amendment, is really not making you look very smart on the evening news. Here's the Cliff notes on the amendment: it protects against unreasonable searches and seizures. Not sure why it's unreasonable to search people boarding planes when some people boarding planes are trying to blow them up. Yes, I know that's not you. But if the TSA could tell that just by looking, then you'd have nothing to complain about and their job would be a lot easier.

Here's a news flash: you still have the most important right - the one not to take an airplane if you don't want to. There are lots of ways to get where you're going that don't involve scanners or being frisked.

Oh, and for future reference, as a rule it's not a good idea to call someone within squeezing distance of the jewels a lot of names. After all, accidents do happen.

My recommendation to make things go smoother for you and everyone else in a hurry to board your flight would be to step right up, go through the scanner and be on your way. The line will thank you for it. So will the TSA.

If you opt for the pat down, or randomly get pulled out of line for one, I'd suggest approaching it with a sporting attitude. Say something like, "Frisk me baby!" or "How come I feel like having a cigarette?" or "I'm not happy to see you, that's my cell phone."

Not being an obstacle in the way of people traveling safely to their families would be just one more thing to be thankful for.

Safe travel to you and yours this holiday season.