We sat down with lattes, a good attitude and more than a few questions.
RNB: First of all, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with us.
GOD: I'm pretty good at multi-tasking. And it's my pleasure.
RNB: So do you visit Earth often?
GOD: I'm actually here more than people think, but not in my true form. That'd be a lot for people to handle, bright heavenly light and all. So I wear a disguise when I'm walking around in my earthly form - kind of like Hugh Jackman when he's on the exhibit floor at Comic Con.
RNB: Hugh Jackman walked the floor at Comic Con dressed as Wolverine.
GOD: Brilliant wasn't it? I really got a kick out of that.
RNB: When you look around at the world, what are the first thoughts that come to mind?
GOD: What the heck have you done with the place? Really, I hardly recognize it. I mean, I gave you the knowledge to build factories, cities and cars - that Audi R8 is pretty sweet, right? - but I thought you might take care of the place a little better. I think I may have been a little too generous with that "free will" experiment.
RNB: You couldn't have put that much work into it. I mean it only took you seven days.
GOD: True, but my days aren't the same as your days. They're a lot longer. That reminds me of a joke...
RNB: Go ahead, let's hear it.
GOD: This kid is in church praying to me, and he says, 'God, what's a million dollars like to you?' And I say, 'It's like a penny to you.' Then he says, 'Well, what's a million years like to you?' And I say, 'It's like a second.' So the kid thinks a minute, then says to me, 'God, can I have a penny?' And I say, 'Sure. Just a second.'
RNB: Good one.
GOD: Gets me every time.
RNB: Getting back on track, I'm sure you know about the recent controversies concerning religion and gay marriage.
GOD: All knowing, hello?
RNB: So what do you think about gay marriage?
GOD: You know, it's a good question. Let's start here - you're all my children. I created you all in my image.
RNB: You're not saying...
GOD: What I'm saying is I'm a part of everyone on Earth. My spirit is in all of you. And because you're all my children, like any parent I love you all and want you to be happy. The world's too short on love, why would I want to take it away from anyone?
RNB: A lot of people say you wouldn't approve, and use your name to justify their position.
GOD: I'm more about acceptance than judgement. I sleep better at night that way.
RNB: You actually sleep?
GOD: Well, no. But you get where I'm going.
RNB: Do you resent fringe groups and haters using your name to justify their actions?
GOD: Brother, if I had a dollar for every time someone took my name in vain or used it as an excuse to hurt people, I could afford that new throne I've had my eye on.
RNB: Why do so many people get that wrong?
GOD: I only knows. See what I did there?
RNB: What about the situation in the Middle East?
GOD: I'm not going to lie to you, it's pretty bad. It's like that mess in the corner of your room you keep saying you're going to clean up, and you never do. It's just too overwhelming.
RNB: All due respect, but why don't you just wave your hand and solve the problem?
GOD: All due respect, because then you wouldn't learn the lessons you need to learn.
RNB: And what are those?
GOD: That's for me to know and you to find out. You have to understand, I'm looking at the big picture. Things happen for what looks like no reason. But there always is one. I'm a very careful planner, and I'm not reckless. A lot of what happens, especially the unpleasant things, are designed to make you stronger of character, more compassionate and more vigilant.
RNB: But some truly horrible things have happened.
GOD: Agreed. The sad truth is I'm not the only one at work here. I have some pretty powerful enemies, well, enemy. He can't win, but he makes things tougher for me.
RNB: Is there life after death?
GOD: Is there ever. And the good news is, and I really shouldn't tell you this, but everyone gets past the gates.
RNB: Everyone?
GOD: Yep. Doesn't matter if you believe in me or not, doesn't matter what you've done. I'm big on forgiveness.
RNB: Every heard the phrase "Rock N' Roll Heaven?"
GOD: I dare you to find a better band than the one we've got. Every seat is a good one, AND there are no Ticketmaster fees - if that isn't heaven, I don't know what is.
RNB: There's a lot more to talk about, but I know you have to run. Thanks for spending a little time with us.
GOD: Thank you for having me. And just so you know, even when you see me leave, I'm not really gone.
RNB: How do I know that's true?
GOD: See that guy over there who looks like Hugh Jackman?
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