Naturally there are the memorable milestones. Birthdays, graduations, proms. And all the firsts are etched in every parents memory forever. First time walking, first time speaking, first date, first kiss, first recital, first tooth. First time they break something really important to you that can't be replaced. First time they feed the dog pizza.
Part of being a parent means getting to see the world through your child's eyes as they discover everything new around them. It makes it hard to narrow days down to the best two, but I think...oh hell, no it's not. It couldn't be easier.
The best days are when they're finally toilet trained. And when they get their driver's license.
Let's start with number 2 first. It's amazing what a person can get used to. But somehow, wiping your kids' butt and changing diapers for years has a certain—how you say—je ne sais quois that never becomes appealing in any way.
Fortunately, my kids are 21 and 19 now, so they've been toilet trained for at least 5 years.
It's been awhile, but I remember juggling diapers, baby wipes and a squirming, toxic-waste smelling infant in all sorts of places not designed for it. The trunk of my car. Elevators. Airport lounges. The front lawn. The neighbor's front lawn. Restaurant booths. Concerts. Movie theater aisles. Hotel lobbies. I would've preferred to change them on changing tables and at home, but when they gotta go they gotta go.
And just to prove God has a sense of humor, the little suckers always decided to let loose at the most inconvenient times and places.
I'm not exactly sure when they realized they could do it themselves. I wasn't the parent who let them soak in it until they figured it out. I gave them instruction, they wanted to do it themselves and they did. The day it happened, I swear I heard the angels sing. It might've been the sound of the toilet flushing. In the moment, they sound the same.
The second best day comes about sixteen years later, when they get their driver's license.
It's an image that strikes terror into the heart of parents—their baby behind the wheel of an automobile. The questions come flooding in: will they drive carefully? Will they pay attention? Will they get in an accident? Will they ever pay for their own insurance?
Because we have years up on our children in dealing with crazy drivers coming out of nowhere, we know what's ahead of them and can't help worrying about their ability to dodge the crazies their first, tender years on the road.
But that worry slowly evaporates as suddenly there's more time in the day. And I didn't even have to set a clock back an hour to get it.
For the first time in their lives, I'm not driving them to and from doctor's appointments. Soccer practice. Little league. School. School plays. Rehearsal for school plays. Winter formals. Playdates. Music lessons. Acting lessons. Dancing lessons. Football practice. Their friend's house. The movies. Disneyland. The beach. And a dozen more places that, for my own sanity, I've forgotten about.
My mom taught me to drive when I was fourteen, and that's when I started teaching my kids to drive (when they were fourteen, not me). Actually, I let my daughter get behind the wheel when she was thirteen. Shhhhh! Don't tell her brother. I wanted them to be ahead of the game by the time they took driving lessons. And they were. Nothing but compliments from the AAA instructors about what great and comfortable drivers they were. One of them is still pretty great, and the other has a bit of a lead foot. Not saying which one it is, but I can't imagine for the life of me where he got it from.
I don't want there to be any misunderstanding: I loved the time with my kids, the fact they relied on me and the bonding when I had to drive them everywhere. I just didn't love it as much as them driving themselves.
And as far as all the worry and those questions? The answer is that's what insurance is for.
I'm sure every parent has their best two days, but those are mine. I've heard it said the third is the day I don't have to pay tuition any more.
I'll let you know when I get there.
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