The Never-Ending Talker. The person who operates under the principle silence is the enemy, and words must flow like a broken fire hydrant in July.
The good news is you never have to worry about holding up your end of the conversation. In fact, you don’t even have to participate. You can just nod, throw in the occasional “oh wow” or “that’s crazy” or “Can you believe it?” and they’ll take it as a heartfelt invitation to continue.
The bad news is they can’t take a hint. You can start backing away, inching toward the exit and they will follow. You can check your watch. Fake a phone call. Hail a taxi, hop in, roll up the window and drive off and without a doubt they’ll already be in the passenger seat, mid-sentence.
If you find yourself trapped in an endless monologue, here are some survival tactics:
1. The Mirror Technique – Repeat their last sentence back to them as a question. This creates a loop that momentarily stuns them.
2. The Strategic Yawn – Yawning is contagious. If they start yawning too, there’s a slight chance they’ll pause to wonder why they suddenly feel exhausted.
3. The Sudden Fake Emergency – “Oh no! I forgot I left the oven on in 2007! Gotta go!”
4. The Disappearing Act – If all else fails, just vanish. Learn the fine art of the Irish Goodbye—slipping away unnoticed while they’re still mid-sentence. Don't worry about offending them. People have been slowly backing away from them all their lives - they're used to it. They might not even realize you’re gone until they finish their story, which could take anywhere from 20 minutes to several lifetimes.
You have to admire their stamina. But at the same time, you have to be wishing there was an off switch. We all have chatty friends like this, and it doesn’t make them bad people.
I don’t know what your position on this is. Mine is next to the nearest exit.
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