You're out of order

Today I had my day in court. Well, actually more like my five minutes.

Without going into a lot of detail, because, my lawyer has advised me not to on here, I was sued in Small Claims court. Somebody felt I lied to them about something, then made a decision to do something that cost them money. And because they felt I lied - which I didn't - they felt I should pay for what they decided to do.

Vague enough? Then I'll continue.

If you've never seen Small Claims court in action, I'd highly recommend it. It's right up there with Disneyland and Las Vegas both in terms of people-watching and entertainment value.

First the bailiff runs down some basic rules: address all comments to the bench. No talking while court's in session. Turn off your cellphones. Don't raise your voice. Don't make a grab for my gun then go on a wild shooting rampage (alright I made that one up).

Then the court clerk, who sits in a little pen with an outdated computer right in front of the judge, has everyone in the room stand, raise their right hand and take an oath swearing to tell the truth.

Just like on Law & Order, except your hand's not on a bible.

My case wasn't being heard until 10:30a.m., but I arrived at the courtroom at 8:30. Maybe it's because I'm in advertising and have done so many presentations, I wanted to get a feel for the room I was going to be playing to. I wanted to see how it all worked. I wanted to see if I was getting a hanging judge or Judge Ito.

The funny thing is I didn't get a judge at all.

In Small Claims, you get a judge pro tem, not a regular judge but a lawyer volunteering to act as judge since there are so many cases the real judges can't hear them all. If you're okay with that, which I was, you sign a document giving your consent. If you insist on a real judge, they'll insist on rescheduling you for another day. Then there you are - all dressed up and no place to plead.

Since Small Claims is for complaints $5,000 and under ($7,500 if it's not a business), many of them were landlords/property management companies suing for back rent. And winning.

In Small Claims, like so much of life, you're on your own. You're not allowed to have a lawyer represent you (although you can have one if you lose and appeal the decision). However you can do what I did which is have your lawyer prepare a trial brief arguing the case and citing legal cases and precedent on why the judge should rule in your favor. For the amount I was being sued for, $775, having my lawyer write a trial brief seemed a little like rabbit hunting with an elephant gun. But my feeling was I'd rather be over prepared than under.

I mentioned all dressed up before because that's what my lawyer told me to do: dress slacks, nice shirt (tie optional). It shows respect to the court, and while it shouldn't affect the judges decision, how I look could definitely affect his attitude towards me. He also said I'd be shocked at what people wore to court, and he wasn't kidding.

I can't tell who I enjoyed more - the greasy, strung out forty-five year old with the Led Zepplin t-shirt, torn jean shorts and flip-flops, or his crack-friendly wife who was literally, having minor grand mal seizures (or withdrawal) about every fifteen minutes.

Then there was Mr. Ralph Lauren: deck shoes, khaki cargo shorts, polo shirt and windbreaker. Every two minutes he kept looking at his TAGHeuer watch. Apparently the yacht was double parked.

I should mention prior to today's court date, the party suing me and I worked out a fragile peace. In fact I was told the case would be dropped and not to even bother showing up. My reply was that I'd need something a little more concrete than that - say a document from the court showing the case was withdrawn. I never got it. So I showed.

The person suing me did not. I guess that was his way of dropping the case because since he didn't show it was dismissed.

After the ruling, the judge made a point of complimenting me on the trial brief, saying he didn't know many lawyers who could prepare one as thorough and well written as mine.

I think he thought I was the one who did it, and I let him think that. It's not like anyone was under oath.

Oh, wait a minute.

All is not lost

Through absolutely no effort of my own I've recently lost 28 pounds in about 6 weeks. (pause) Thank you.

I did it through a little method I like to call the stress diet. The reason I was on it was because of a situation my attorney won't let me blog about (but if you've been following closely - and remember some posts I had to take down - you can figure it out).

While I was in the middle of the situation, I looked at the weight loss as the silver lining. My belt now buckles a few holes further down. Pants that didn't fit before are now big on me. Shirts that had dust on them from being on hangars in the back of the closet for so long are back in the rotation (yes, they're black shirts - shut up).

Anyway, the situation has gotten considerably better, that constant knot in the pit of my stomach is gone and unfortunately I've regained my appetite. So now, the challenge becomes having to actually work to keep the weight I lost off. And to lose more to get down to where I want to be.

People tell me I don't look like I need to lose more weight, that I look just fine. Of course the easy thing would be to believe them.

But while it's very kind of them to say, here's the thing: even though I know I don't look as heavy as I did, it's still a numbers game. And I know the numbers.

So even though all is not lost yet, hopefully it will be soon.

All I need is some more stress in my life. Wonder where I can get me some of that?

What's in a name?

I know what you're thinking. How could a sushi restaurant located at the corner of a busy intersection, with an exhaust-belching view of the 405 North, situated at the end of the Long Beach airport runway with Jet Blue jets roaring over, in a strip mall, next to a smog check shop be anything but amazing?

Especially with the humble name of Awesome Sushi. I know, right? The place just screams great sushi.

Just when I thought raw fish didn't hold any more surprises for me.

We scarfed down three original, delicious, creative rolls. First, the appropriately named Awesome Roll. Salmon with avocado inside, topped with fresh yellowtail, slice of fresh jalapeno topped with butter ponzu and finished with fried garlic.

Next up, or down, the Brilliant Roll. Spicy imitation crab (when the real thing just won't do), avocado inside, topped with salmon, shrimp and the chef's special sauce (insert your own joke here).

And last but certainly not least, the Fire Ant Roll. Spicy tuna covered with sliced avocado and topped with spicy mayo and masago (no picture of this one because it was gone before I could reach the iPhone).

The only thing better than discovering a great new sushi place is finding one in the most unlikely of locations.

If you find yourself in the Long Beach area, check it out.

Especially if you're hungry and need your car smogged.

That time of year

Every August, we dip into the kids college funds (I kid - what college funds?) and go have ourselves a week at my own personal bit of heaven on earth, the Hotel Del Coronado.

This will be the 9th year we've gone.

It's a ridiculously expensive week, and worth every cent. Fire up the charge cards and unleash the room service. $25 a day resort fee for nothing? Bring it. (Some people think that fee entitles them to take as many bottles as they want of the Del's own incredible brand of shampoo, The Sea - or so I've heard).

We don't stay in the famous Victorian building. Instead we prefer the California Cabanas. This picture is from the patio of our room last year, though it could be from any year we've been there since we always request one of four specific rooms on the second floor of the Cabanas. These rooms give us this view, as well as the ocean to the left. They also look straight out over the pool, so we can see the kids when they decide to go down there without us.

Since my kids have been coming here since they were very young, they know this property like their own home. It gives them a great feeling of independence knowing they can navigate it on their own. They know there are a lot of people and they have to be careful. They are.

There are very few places only a couple hours away that make me feel like I'm out of the country. The Del is one of them. It's also a place I can genuinely relax, or at least feel that way without taking five days to ease into it.

The moment I arrive, all the stress just melts away. In fact, it doesn't come back until I get the bill at checkout.

When the week is over, I always dread leaving. On the drive back, I look at the $10 million dollar homes on Coronado we've biked by during the week and wish I knew exactly when my lotto win was coming.

But as I settle into the trip home, I realize it's time to get back to my other annual tradition.

Working the other 51 weeks so we can afford to come back next year.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

I have my friend Janice to thank for this video of Steve Jobs delivering the commencement speech at Stanford in 2005. She posted it on her website. I'm posting it here.

It's a message worth hearing.

And living.

Don't say I didn't warn you

As movie one-sheet lines go, the one for Signs seems unusually relevant.

"It's not like they didn't warn us." True of so many things.

Every once in awhile I find myself in a situation I've been in before. I call these situations the lessons I have to keep learning.

You know the ones.

They keep reoccurring in our lives, and when we find ourselves in the middle of one of them we can't believe it's happening to us again.

Each time, in the aftermath of these situations, I realize that if I think about it all the signs were there from the start. And if I'm being truthful with myself (highly overrated by the way), I can't say they didn't warn me.

I do think I'm honing my skills and getting better at spotting the signs before the fact. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't.

But when I don't, at least I know I'll have another shot at it next time I'm there..

 

Captain Ewww

Here's an idea. Get George Lucas and Francis Coppola together to come up with a 3D dance spectacular starring Michael Jackson, then show it as an attraction at Disneyland.

What could possibly go wrong?

The answer to that question has been resurrected at Disneyland: Captain EO. Once again it's being shown there. And it's every bit as bad as it was when it first stunk up the Disneyland 3D theater in 1986. The fact that now it's under the guise of a "tribute" to Michael Jackson doesn't make it any easier or pleasant to watch.

While waiting in line, you're captive to a video that plays showing Lucas and Coppola in the throws of the creative process as they invent this masterpiece for Michael.

In the film, Michael dances the Michael dances. Hip thrusts, crotch grabs, moonwalks. And if that weren't enough, he, ahem, "acts". Something about shooting lasers from his wrists and being happy. He's surrounded by fake foam rubber creatures that are supposed to be Star Wars-esque, but are actually cheaply painted foam rubber Lucas probably had laying around the studio.

It's hard to decide what's sadder. Watching Lucas and Coppola cash a huge payday for a creatively bankrupt effort. The fact that Michael Jackson's dead. The fact that 23 years before his death he was cranking out crap like this and people were lining up for it. Or the fact they're still lining up for it.

I have many issues with Michael Jackson. But one thing I always thought was undeniable was his talent.

Unfortunately the same can't be said for his taste.