The Iceman goeth

Riddle me this: how does an actor as seriously great as Val Kilmer go from playing Iceman in a huge hit like Top Gun with Tom Cruise to a nothing film like Hardwired with Cuba Gooding Jr.?

And don't even get me started on Cuba Gooding Jr.'s career.

I was in Blockbuster today and saw this straight-to-DVD for Hardwired. It just made me sad.

I've always liked Kilmer no matter what kind of films he did. To me he's like a next generation Gene Hackman - even if the movie's awful, his performance is the one to watch time and time again.

Comedies like Real Genius and Top Secret. Noir like Kill Me Again and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. He was even great in big popcorn movies like Batman Forever (the only good thing in it) and The Saint (ditto).

Tell me you didn't believe he had tuberculosis as Doc Holiday in Tombstone. Or that he was Jim Morrison in The Doors. Everyone talks about the scenes between DiNiro and Pacino in Heat, but Kilmer was the one who stole the movie with the shootout scene in downtown L.A.

The first time I saw Val Kilmer, actually saw him, was when I was in line at the Regent Theater in Westwood opening night to see Top Secret, the comedy he made with the Zucker Brothers who did Airplane. It was a Friday night, long line, and this stretch limo pulls up and out pops Val Kilmer and Ellen Barkin. Val had his cream colored sport coat sleeves rolled up (very Miami Vice), lowered his sunglasses, smiled at the line and then went into the theater. He wasn't a big star yet, but you could tell from his charisma he was going to be.

Word around town for years has been how difficult he is to work with. Wow, a talented movie star who's tempermental, demanding and opinionated. Gambling in Casablanca? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you.

I recently saw him in a trailer for MacGruber coming out later this month. It's another SNL sketch stretched into a movie. And probably another chance for Kilmer to shine in a film not worthy of his talents.

I hope he finds his Pulp Fiction like Travolta did, and I hope he comes back just as strong.

He deserves it.

Sonny at the toll booth

Some days I'm Michael. But more often than I'd like to admit, I'm Sonny at the toll booth.

Wrapped up in a fit of anger. The heat of the moment. Leaping without looking. Hopping in the car and speeding in a blind fury to bring a fast and furious revenge to the Solozzo family. Even though Tom and Michael would both tell me it's the wrong move.

Next thing you know, the toll taker drops my change and the shots ring out.

Not to say this method is always wrong or isn't occasionally justified. For example, nobody deserved an ass-kicking more than Carlo for the way he treated Connie, Sonny's sister. And really, what was Carlo thinking? That Sonny would just sit down and talk to him about it?

So yeah, I've learned a lot of life lessons from the Godfather. It's not personal, it's business. Leave the gun, take the cannoli. Never take sides against the family.

The one I still have to get down better is where Sonny's temper wound up getting him.

Maybe the answer is to hire my own personal consigliere.

Right after the bodyguards.

Gonna take a Lotto love

Tonight's Mega Millions jackpot is $266 million. Like many of you I've already started planning what I'm going to do with the money. And as I make my list, it's plain to me I'll definitely do more good with it than you will.

Which is probably reason enough why I should win.

Don't shake your head like that. We both know you. You'll be selfish and materialistic.

I however will embrace philanthropy with my newfound fortune.

First I'll build a church youth center (named after my children of course). I'll start a non-profit organization to feed and house the homeless. I will sponsor science contests to expedite technological discoveries. I will create a research grant to encourage breakthroughs in deadly diseases that strike children. Small children.

See? There's so much good to be done.

Of course, I will need a base of operations to do all this good from. A big base, with lots of rooms so I can dedicate individual ones to each of my charitable efforts. I'll need even more rooms for the staff. This big base should come with a really nice pool and tennis courts, which will provide ways to relieve the stress that comes from doing so much good.

I assume every once and awhile I'll need to get away from it all and clear my head so I can come back refreshed and ready to do more good. Perhaps a nice, luxury car - since they keep out the sound better to reduce stress - would be a small, necessary expenditure.

Naturally I'll need to compare the good I'm doing with the good other like minded, financially able people in the world are doing. A private jet to travel to and from different continents will probably be the most efficient way to meet and compare the goodness of our deeds. I hear the Gulfstream V is a very efficient plane. And if it's not the most efficient, I can always purchase a second one, so I will have two efficient jets to choose from.

In the event no one wins the money tonight, it'll only be because God wants it to rollover so I can win more.

You know, to do more good.

UPDATE: The bad news is I didn't win. Which of course means less good will be done in the world. The good news is I have a new best friend who lives in Pico Rivera.

I just don't know his name yet.

Counter culture

America isn't the center of the world it once was when it comes to building things. Cars, tv's, cameras and airplanes are now made all over the world. But there's still one thing we manage to make a lot of.
Hamburgers. And there's one place, in my opinion, that makes them better than anyone else.

I started going to the Apple Pan when I was five years old. Leo, my barber that used to torture me (you never forget your first butche...barber) had his shop on Pico Blvd. just west of Westwood Blvd. As a reward for being good during the haircut - and by good I suppose my mother meant not leaping up out of the chair, grabbing Leo's straight-edge (not a euphemism) and threatening him if he cut another hair on my innocent young head - she would take me to the Apple Pan for a hickory cheeseburger, fries and a Coke.

It was the beginning of a life-long Apple Pan habit.

Of course back then, menu prices were a little different than what you see here. Not sure what year this is, but a hickory with cheese was 65 cents back in the post-haircut days.

To this day, when I sit down at the 27-seat counter to order, just out of habit I peruse the menu as if it's changed. Or like I'll order something different than I've been loving all these years.

Yeah, I see the tuna sandwich. But that's just crazy talk.

I know there are other great hamburgers. Cassell's on 6th St. was a legendary burger place where you built it the way you liked with homemade mayonnaise and horseradish. Since the restaurant got sold, relocated and downsized years ago, it's a shadow of it's former ground beef glory.

Hodad's in Ocean Beach is an amazing experience. The ginormous burgers, thicker than cement milk shakes, dingy, dive feel, tacky license plates hanging all over the walls combined with the always entertaining crowd - a combination of surfers, tourists, stoners and vagrants - add up to an exceptional burger experience. Hodad's is always a must have when I'm heading to San Diego for Comic Con...er...business.

Father's Office (both of them), Dave's World Famous in Long Beach, The Original Tommy's, The Counter, Fisher's, In-N-Out, and even the Bleunami at Islands. All great in their own right.

But if someone held an order of crisp, golden fries to my head and said I had to choose one burger to go with them, it would be this hickory-filled beauty right here.

I'm sure the fact the Apple Pan is part of my childhood is one reason I love it. For readers who are LOST fans you'll appreciate it when I say it's my constant. It's still here. I'm still here.

There's something extremely comforting that the same people who are serving the burgers now are the ones who served them then. That guy on the left with glasses is who I remember best.

It's not a chain. It didn't sell out to the mall next door or across the street, both of which threw the vault at the owner to get that corner. They literally stood their ground (beef) against the rampant, arbitrary development you see all over the city.

If you ever want to grab a burger with me, just tell me where you want to meet (meat).

But if it's not the Apple Pan, be prepared for a counter offer.

This is not the post you're looking for

You've come to the right place. You just got here at the wrong time.

If you recently clicked on a link expecting to be taken to a post called "Survey Says!" I have some bad news for you. I was advised to take that post down. And since that person knows a lot more about the potential consequences of leaving it up, and I'm paying him for his advice, I took it (Hint: Not a doctor. Not a shrink. Getting clearer?).

It leaves me in an interesting predicament though. Here I have this situation going on that I'd love to just be a bloggin' fool about (if you've been following RNB for a while, or caught "Survey Says!" before I took it down you probably know what I'm talking about).

For once though, I'm going to try to focus on the positive aspects of being reined in.

Normally I'd bitch and moan that I can't write about something I want to (only child? Why yes, why do you ask?). But this time, I'm actually helping my cause by listening to someone who knows better. It's not the first time I've done that. But if you know me at all, you know I don't do it nearly often enough. I have a long trail of knee-jerk emails that never should've been sent to prove it. Where the hell is that unsend button anyway?

So I'll keep it short. Because if I write about all the good advice I've gotten over the years I didn't listen to it'll only depress me.

Like when a good friend told me I should take the auto accident settlement money and buy a house because I'd never have a lump sum for a down like that again.

Okay, okay, I said I wasn't going to write about it.

Or the nine unit apartment building in Brentwood I could've bought for $279,000 except I thought that was so much money at the time.

Alright I'm done.

The giant 2 bedroom in Tribeca my friend wanted me to share a 20-year lease on for $300 a month. Hey, twenty years was a long time.

Maybe this post was a bad idea. A friend told me not to write it because I'd start down that would've, should've, could've path.

But hey, guess what I didn't do?

Is it wrong to love an appliance?

Contrary to popular belief, necessity isn't the mother of invention.

Convenience is.

I can't imagine how, but for hundreds of years people somehow muddled through and found ways to clean dust from their homes even though relegated to primitive means like cloths and brooms.

If they'd had the Dustbuster back then, they would have thought they'd died and gone to heaven. I know I felt a little of that the first time I used one (yes, I'm that easy to please).

I remember thinking I should've bought stock in Black and Decker, because I knew this little beauty was going to be big. When I saw it, it called to me. It was plugged in, charged up and just waiting for me to get my hands on it.

Or was that my high school girlfriend? I get confused.

Anyway, once I did, it was go time. I couldn't wait to find dust. I remember saying, "I'll clean that up" more than ever. Including to my high school girlfriend.

The Dustbuster was such a revelation and joy to use, I'd actually spill things like salt and potting soil "accidentally" just so I could grab the DB and impress whoever was nearby with how effortlessly I could scoop it up.

Kitty litter? Bring it on. Too much free time? Perhaps.

As we all come to find out at one time or another though, appliance love is a fickle thing. And because it is, sometimes we just have to move on.

For me moving on meant the Braun Electric Juicer.

To me, one of life's great luxuries is fresh squeezed orange juice. But if you've ever ordered it in a restaurant, you know you need a co-signer and a notary just to get a 4 oz. glass of the stuff.

The Braun's beauty lies in it's simplicity. Press the orange down, it automatically juices it into a pitcher, which you then pour into the waiting glass. It's three, hard plastic pieces can be easily taken apart, rinsed and cleaned. Sure, I could've gone fancier with the Cuisinart or Kitchen Aid, but why? With oranges it's the juice not the juicer people are impressed by.

At least that's what I've been telling myself.

Sometimes though, you come to a place in your life where you mature (I'm still waiting to get to that place) and you find your heart can hold enough love for two appliances. So while the Braun Juicer is still near and dear, so is this.

The Black & Decker Power Screwdriver. First the Dustbuster and now this. It's like Black & Decker is reading my mind. Ever since I discovered this little tool, I've been able to maintain the illusion of household handyman. Smoke detectors, easy. Light switch plates, simple. Outdoor security lighting with motion sensors and variable lighting, call the electrician. Still, I'm able to do what I can do without the risk of repeat motion injury to the wrist. At least not from a screwdriver.

But just when I thought I was ready to settle, look who decides to roll into my life.

My Staples 12-sheet capacity cross-cut paper shredder. My conspirator, my financial protector, my confidant. Thanks to it's unique cutting sound and brute strength, it allows me to feel a sense of security none of my other appliances offer. I feel safe with it. I know it won't tell my secrets. Occasionally it jams when I try to stuff too much into it, but who amongst us doesn't?

Clearly I have an appreciation for this utilitarian kind of technology far more than I ever could've imagined. I'm emotionally involved, and I think I know why I fall so hard every time.

These days, when it seems nothing works the way it's supposed to, these simple yet devoted appliances do exactly what they've promised me they would. And I love them for it.

Is that so wrong?

Inspiration is where you find it

Even though I explain it right there under the title, many people still ask me where I got the name for my blog.

You're looking at the answer.

Each time I get asked the question, it makes me think about how inspiration is lurking all around us.

It's like the joke about the guy who's on the roof during a flood. A helicopter comes to rescue him and he says no, God is going to save him. Then a boat comes by to rescue him, but he refuses saying God is going to save him. Of course, the floodwaters rise and he dies. When he gets to heaven he asks God why he didn't save him. God says, "What do you mean? I sent you a helicopter and a boat!"

Inspiration is like that. Even though it's right in front of us, sometimes we have trouble recognizing it for what it is. I run up against this each time I sit down and think about what I want to write. But then, I open my eyes and suddenly there's no shortage of subjects to write about.

Another great thing about inspiration is that it can spur us on to accomplish things we wouldn't normally think we could. For example, this morning I saw lots of thin, healthy people out walking and jogging. And I was inspired. So I went to Starbuck's, had a large Mighty Mango smoothie and a thick slice of banana walnut bread, and thought for a long time about how tired all those thin, healthy people were going to be when they finished.

Couldn't help myself, I was inspired.

Here's another example. Just yesterday morning I saw people leaving their homes and going to work. It made me think about what it'd be like to have a full time job to go to everyday. The same office day in and day out. The same people. The same conversations, same meetings and same fights day after day, year after year. After a while, I did more than think about it. I was inspired, so I immediately changed my job title from freelance copywriter to Free Time Management Engineer, and just like that (snaps fingers) I had a full time job.

And, not bragging here, I'm damn good at it.

I hope this post has inspired you to look around, take in what you see, create ideas and then put them into action through words and deeds. I know just writing it has inspired me.

I'm going to take a nap.