Not tonight, I have a headache

If you were to listen to James Cameron (and trust me, he's going to keep talking whether you're listening or not), he'd have you believe the current rage of 3D technology has all the kinks worked out.

That the new glasses are light years ahead of the old cardboard ones I grew up with that had one red and one blue lens. And instead of giving you headaches, they give you the theatrical experience of a lifetime by bringing you right into the movie.

Well, one place they bring me into is the medicine cabinet.

For all the press about advanced 3D technology, two things are still true: I have to wear glasses to see it, and it still gives me a headache.

Oh, there's a third thing: I have to pay a third more for a 3D movie ticket. Funny how that works, especially since the new glasses are recycled and reused.

3D movies used to be a special event. But like so many other things that started out special - for example air travel or McRib sandwiches - it seems now they've become commonplace. And movies that have no reason for being made in 3D are being shot that way.

Really, are Final Destination or My Bloody Valentine any better in 3D? I suppose you could make the argument they couldn't be any worse. Okay, bad example. But you see my point.

I can't help thinking it's all a grand misuse of this headache inducing technology. Sure it's not the sledgehammer, anvil-on-the-head kind the old glasses used to cause me. But this one is more insidious, a kind of dull ache that takes an entire day to dissipate. It's just maddening.

Just like airbag technology wasn't originally designed to protect you in car accidents (it was originally designed as a way to euthanize animals), perhaps the 3D technology could be repurposed.

I hear we're not waterboarding anymore. If we flipped on Monsters & Aliens 3D, maybe the terrorists at Gitmo would start spilling the beans.

And of course when they did, they'd spill in 3D.